Lust turned into love for me

[Monika1985]

So about 2 or 3 years ago i meet a married man in a club. I went home with him that same night. His wife was working in another city at the time. I kept seeing him. I then found a bf & left him alone. After i broke up with my bf i went back to him. We are so sexually compatible and i eventually fell in love with him. He and his wife stopped sleeping in the same bed/having sex about 5 years ago he said because she had a surgery that made her lose sexual urges. I didn't believe it at first but over the days i found it to be true. He's always made me feel like he loved me but yet he won't get a divorce. He's taken days off work to be with me but yet now he seems to have lost interest because i have constantly asked him to divorce her. I try so hard to stop seeing him but its hard for me because he's got me weak. I get major anxiety when i have tried to stop calling him. How can i get over him? Please give me advice and thank you.

[Monika1985]

@ mesh: i try to believe not all men are liars and cheaters and in order to attract the right man we need to love ourselves first. Which is why i'm making a change to better myself. I'm young, no kids, great job and family and friends i  mean what else could i want. A married man is not the answer.

[Monika1985]

@ special mom thank you for understanding my pov. And i do realize this is wrong. I want to end this so i'm trying to distract myself from him. I'm taking the first step to end this and i give myself credit for that.


@ sweet pea: i want to believe he hasn't lied to me but deep down i know he has. And again i've never forced him to be with me. He comes on his own. And i can not destroy what was already hanging by a thread.

[Monika1985]

@ heather: lol you're quick to judge aren't you. Either you snapped for one of two reasons. One, your scared your husband might cheat on you one day or two, you've already been cheated on. And yea i've slept in her bed and what? Yea i know its not right but like i said. I'm 25 and just having fun and sadly i feel in love because even as being the other woman i still have feelings and a heart. And yea i have put myself in her shoes and guess what i figure its partially her fault for not putting her half of effort to reconcile.

[mesh833]

let me rephrase what i said about married men........some married men/some men in general are lying dogs......they will say whatever is take to get into a female pants........but there is hope for all the broken hearts there is a loving man out there for every woman.. We all just have to take care of ourselves and not settle for less, and he will come!!!!!!!

[specialmom]

I actually think she acknowledges that she needs to move on from this guy but is having trouble doing so.  

Let's see if we can help her problem solve about how to move on and stick to it.  

I think that self control is one big aspect.  Completely  cutting herself off from him will have to happen.  This means---------no texts, no calls, no emails, no meetings.  She'll have to have it in her heart that this is what she wants to do in order to have the self control to follow through with that.

I think the idea of finding a better life for herself and partner down the road may help her along.  

While she is mourning the loss of someone she loves, the things that make break ups a little better emotionally is staying very very busy.  Make plans with friends and family and stay super busy.  Focus on your work and throw yourself into that.  Work on your hobbies and do as much of that as you can.  Make sure you add exercise into your plan------- it helps us in so many ways with relieving stress being one great benefit.  Keep a journal and write down your thoughts.

As sweetpea said, when you want to call-------- have a go to plan to do instead.  Hit that journal and write why you shouldn't or how he has used/hurt you.  I think making a list of all the rotten qualities he has or bad things about him and reading it helps.  Make a list of all the GOOD things about you and read that as well.  Or call a friend like sweetpea says or go for a run or whatever.  Do something else.  

Plan on being sad---------- but it won't last forever.  I promise.  I've been through some hard break ups.  You do get over it.  

But you have to do this to take care of yourself.  Always remember that it is YOU first and this relationship is not healthy for you.  good luck

[sweetpea03]

I am curious as to what makes you think this guy is telling you the truth? Are you that naive? Of course he is going to tell you that he has given your number to his wife, that she knows about you, that they no longer sleep together, etc. but I highly doubt he is telling you the truth and even if it was the truth, that still gives you no right at all to become the other woman in their relationship. Have you ever put yourself in this man's wife's shoes? How would you feel? Ever hear of the saying to "treat others how you would want to be treated". Think about if your husband and you aren't communicating as well as you should and he goes off and has an affair with some woman, telling her what she wants to hear and pretending to "love" her to get sex and have a fun fling.

The reason he won't divorce his wife is because he still loves her, not you, and will keep his marriage over the fling with you. He has too much history with his wife to throw it away, as is in most cases. Plus, statistically speaking, even if he had left her for you, a vast majority of relationships that start out in infidelity will fail, as you can't begin a relationship in lies. So if he were to be with you, what would make you think he would stay faithful to you? You need to snap back to reality and walk away now before you do anymore damage to their relationship and to yourself. You should never talk bad about this man's wife because you know nothing about her and also you are the one who is ruining their marriage, so you have no right to speak ill of her. She obviously has had surgery, is in a time of need, and her husband who should be there to support her has run off to go have some fling with you. Maybe she trusts her husband fully, and doesn't go through their phone bill checking up on him. Can you see what you have done to their relationship?  

You need to stop contacting him. You may not like the responses, but it's a reality you need to face. You allowed yourself to become the other woman in a couple's relationship and now you need to walk away, cut off all contact. It doesn't matter if you have his number memorized by heart, once you want to call him, call a friend instead and ask them to come over so you won't talk to him. Just stay away from him.