Hello. I have posted on here several times before. I am making all kinds of mistakes right now. I don't know if it is because of the pain that I am feeling from my divorce or if it is because of leaving the guy I was having an affair with in my marriage. It's like a double whammy. My husband left me, and I left the affair. I obviously should have done this a long time ago, but I did not. Now, I am trying to latch myself back on to the guy I had an affair with and get him back because I am alone and very scared of being alone. For almost four years, I had two men in my life. When I felt alone in my marriage, metaphorically, I would go to the other. Then, karma caught up with me, and now I am very much alone. I don't see an end in sight. I feel like I am doomed to be alone forever because I am a bad person for what I did. I really don't have any friends. They all left a long time ago. I just go to work to come home and sit there like a bump on a log. I have been sleeping with my ex affair guy out of desperation to get him back. The crazy part is that he is a really bad guy. He is abusive. He is a convict. He is a sex offender. I have such low standards in my life that I just keep going back to this loser. Like, how can YOU not love ME? No matter what I did. When I know that being with him would mean the end of everything for me. My family would desert me because they cannot agree with being with a registered sex offender. My brain tells me that I know all of this. My gaping heart that is lonlier than anything is telling me to keep sleeping with him. AGGHHH>