Male Domestic Violence Victims

[SeriousSam]

This is domestic violence month... Sooo I thought I would post this article about Med help and see what peoples thoughts were!!



A big piece of stone just fell out of the Domestic Violence version of the Berlin Wall
October 15, 2008, 8:43 AM by Jonathan Kay
Barbara Kay
***@****

http://network.nationalpost.com/np/blogs/fullcomment/archive/2008/10/15/barbara-kay-a-big-piece-of-stone-just-fell-out-of-the-domestic-violence-version-of-the-berlin-wall.aspx

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I am sure that to 99% of readers the two words "domestic violence" means violence against women. Only. The politically correct view that all domestic violence (DV) can be accounted for either by the inherent aggression and controlling instincts of men or by women's defensive reactions against those instincts is so deeply entrenched in our culture that it has become the Berlin Wall of the gender wars - or rather the war of feminism against men. In fact women initiate violence against their partners in an almost equal ratio to men. And in many cases the violence they inflict is severe (as one woman in a woman's shelter told the director, "knives make great levellers").

For all the men who have suffered at the hands of battering women, a chunk of stone just fell out of that huge gendered wall. In a taxpayer lawsuit by four male victims of DV, the Third District appellate court in California reversed a previous ruling holding that because they are not statistically situated with women, men are not entitled to equal protection. The new ruling declares the exclusion of men from Domestic Violence programs unconstitutional.

The presenting case, that of David Woods and his daughter Maegan, now in her early 20s, was compelling because the evidence was irrefutable, the worst case of gender bias in this area I have ever seen. David Woods is a handicapped man in a wheelchair, incapable of living on his own, and dependent (or was during the relevant period, the 1980s, when Meagan was a young girl) on his wife Ruth, who is bi-polar with violent tendencies. David frequently attempted to get help from a Sacramento DV agency, who always told him "We don't help men," explaining that men were perpetrators of violence, never victims, the usual mantra so clearly inapplicable to his situation. Churches and various other programs were equally unhelpful.

If David had fled with his daughter, he would have been arrested for kidnapping, unlike women with children who are offered shelter and sympathy. He would certainly have lost custody in a divorce, so neither flight nor divorce would have served Meagan's interests. Bias in the law enforcement system exacerbated the problem. In one 1995 incident, Ruth aimed a shotgun at Meagan. David managed to wrest it from her. Ruth called the police, telling them she wanted to kill her husband, but when the police arrived, they immediately handcuffed him.

People who have followed the heartrending story of the Woods family can only rejoice at this moral victory, which of course comes too late to rewrite the tragic trajectory of Meagan's unhappy childhood, but hopefully will provide a strong foundation for the reversal of the tide of gender bias the case represents.
The entrenched prejudices against men in the DV industry know no borders. California today, other states tomorrow. And Canada? The issues are the same, the right of taxpayers to equal access to services is the same, the bias in the legal system is the same, and the cultural blindness to the plight of male suffering is the same.

It would be a grace note for judges here to take note of the chunk of wall on the ground, and pick up a proactive hammer. The faster this wall comes down, the better for democracy and for gender relations, soured by years of feminists' indifference to the suffering of male victims and their children.

[Jasmine205]

*smiles* Okie dokie..I didn't even know there were mods on here, I guess having them hidden keeps the massive PMs hitting their in-boxes :P

Please post your stories anyways, I am sure the men will come back, why let the angstyness of some shoo you away! That's what is great about online, you can share your stories, hurt and sorrow freely without the worry. Well , least it's how I see it for myself. But I don't much care who pokes back at me, also long as it has a tad bit of justificationed attached to it.

[SeriousSam]

I don't believe you can self delete your posts.  If you can someone lpease instruct me how.  Otherwise I don't think more needs to be said on that perticular topic.

I can completely relate with your boyfriend and may post later if we can bring some of the other man back to this topic who might of shied away due to the tenor of a previous poster?

[Jasmine205]

I assume "Mayflowers" posts were medhelp deleted or self deleted?  I only see your replies remaining here.

I know it's a two way street with both women and men abusing each other same goes for rape as well. But the thing for men is the same for women, the embrassment to tell anyone. Men are suppose to be strong and to admit that your partner beats you in our world today, even in the past would most likely garner odd looks and snickers :\ I know it's a huge double standard going on.

My current bf was attacked with a knife by a deranged ex gf of his when he was 20, in his own home had he not got to his bedroom and locked his door on her, she mostly definitely would have tried to kill him. :-( He is very weary I think of womens moods and attitudes since then, which makes it hard for me when I have any lil mood change due to meds or now being off them, I am not a angry person, I don't yell, I don't swear..I don't hit or throw stuff, I basically use things from the past and my memory as my weapons. But still what happened almost 5 yrs ago, still stays with him..and he never talked to anyone really about it, because he was embrassed... He won't hit a girl, even if hes being attacked..

So I can understand your passion for this topic, and your need to get the word back out..so men don't hide in the shadows with bruises no more.
Shame on the police for not reacting as they should on these DV cases. It shouldn't matter the sex of the victim only that a crime took place upon anothers person.

[SeriousSam]

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,419381,00.html

This lady did about 1.5 years after drowning her three children, her boy friend got life.  The statistics don't bear you out in America.

It is well recognized that gradiation of convictins goes from penalties being lightest on white women to being the heaviest on black men.

Do I see things from a different point?  Probably.  I believe my viewpoint is similar to someone who helps people in a rape crisis center, and like them I have to say you couldn't believe some of the things I've seen.  And I am on accasion asked to be a court watcher and you would not believe the things I have seen.

I believe though your perspective is skewed by popular press.  

I am not talking about other types of violence I am talking about domestic violence at this time.

Thanks though RR

[SeriousSam]

The problem is you assume that when the abused man leaves the children don't go with the abuser.  In our courts that is not even a statistical likelihood if the woman is the abuser.

[AnxiousGurl]

Its not a war against men, its a war against eachother. I agree with Rockrose, but I also agree that woman are just as bad as men. I hate how many of the abusers(male or female) get away with it. Not one person deserves abuse, but there are many women who stick by their abuser. This girl I worked with came in with bruises everyday, "He beat me up" one second, the next second "But he loves me." Either way the consequences should be equal for both men and women. When you look at a man and how powerful he looks, they right away would assume the woman is speaking the truth. Its probably not always the case, but their is a big ammount of domineering men out there who are abusive. & to the man who sticks by their woman to protect his children is not protecting his children, he's putting his children through that. It's better to come from a broken home than be in one.