newly mum feeling down please help

[Tia2015]

I'm a young 18 year old mum to a two month beautiful girl, my partner is 10 years older then me and has already experienced all of this to our beautiful children, I have a past and not a good one either but changed three years ago when I got with my partner I been loyal and done my very best as a girlfriend and now I'm a mum he brings my past up alote saying he hope our daughter don't turn out like how I was and he hopes if we break up I don't run off and do things and I just get down and please don't judge but feel like running off because I don't want my daughter o turn out like me I'm really depressed and I'm king my very best but he keeps bringing me down

[Gemfly]

I had my son at 16. It's hard to be pregnant and be so young. Having a partner who isn't supportive does not help. Your daughter is still young, so your body is continuing to get your hormones back to normal.

This person is not very caring to continue to speak to you like that. Just because someone is older, doesn't mean they're smart, more mature, or make good decisions. He's using words to keep you down. Your past is your past. Everyone can change and doesn't need it constantly thrown in their face.

If he cannot treat you properly, you shouldn't stay to put up with it. You and your baby do not need such negativity in your lives. You have a bright future ahead and your daughter needs you with her and to love her. Be strong ❤️

[Nighthawk61]

You have to realize that what he's saying to you is a red flag. Don't ever consider again that it would be an option to walk away from your children. It is not a viable option, they need you today, tomorrow and every single day that they are alive on this earth. They do not judge you for having had a hard start to life that had you looking in all the wrong places for love. They truly see you today, in the present, and that's what matters. Your partner could learn a thing or two from his baby.

You cannot allow his putting you down to continue, If you do not stand up and demand that it stop, it will bring you down, (as you've experienced) . Let him know that he either wants to be with you, or visit his child from a distance, because you are a fierce protective mother bear that will defend the bond with your child like no other. Let him know how you demand to be treated. No one is irreplaceable. especially not a bad mouthing ingrate causing drama when it is supposed to be the most precious time on this earth for baby and mama. I think he' sounds like he may be jealous of the deep connection you and the baby have, and is willing to sabotage that good start. Beware of false prophets. |Don't let him play head games with you . Stand up for what you know is right, and that is that you are a good mother that deserves to be supported with love and caring from a mature responsible man. Tell him he is juvenile and irresponsible to be trying to start trouble where there is none. tell him to give his head a shake and wake up, You will not be made a fool.

[Chima7]

You're not worthless at all. You're a mom now! But even if things were different and you hadn't been a mom yet, you've already made some very positive changes in the right direction. Don't let him or anyone else make you feel like you haven't matured because you definitely have. Keep your head up and know that he's just being a jerk.

[Tia2015]

Thanks so much really helped just feel worthless I didn't think he would bring me down like this :( thankyouladies really appreciate it

[RockRose]

Tia,  here's the dynamic.  He chose a MUCH younger partner,  with a troubled past so he could be "the good one" and "the mature one" while you were this kind of helpless damaged little girl.  

Now you've changed and matured and he's on shaky ground.  He's no longer the good one who can feel confident you are too messed up to take care of yourself.  You've become a whole woman,  and that's not what he bargained for.  He wanted a bird with a broken wing.

From here,  I don't know where this will go but don't ever go backwards - keep marching forwards.  You sound like a mature focused 18 year old mom.  

Best wishes.

[specialmom]

Hello.  Well, what you need to say to your partner is that people learn and grow and when you were doing those things, it was out of pain in your life.  You can see that now.  You were damaged and  hurt and that was how it was showing itself.  NOW, you are clearer.  NOW, you have things to live for and do the right thing for.  That the past seems like a bad dream and you are so glad you've moved on past that but his bringing it up hurts you.  Takes you back to darker days of feeling damaged and in pain.  So, could he please stop doing that.  People evolve.  People make mistakes and learn from them.  we are not born perfect---  we have to learn as we go.  And you've accepted him into your life and would appreciate if he were your champion and not your tormenter.

If you say those things to him---  maybe he will see that he is being cruel.

Straighten your back.  You've made a lot of changes in life.  And you are a mama who loves your child (ren).  THAT is being a good mom.  Do you take good care of your kiddos?  THAT is being a good mom.  They need you, these kids.  More than they need a man with a past that doesn't seem tainted but he definitely has a mean streak.  So, don't fear going down any negative roads with your kids.  

In life, we have two chances---  a chance for ourselves and then a do over when we have kids.  This is your chance to give a childhood, structure and values to your kids that you might not have gotten.  

peace and hugs

[Tia2015]

To four children**