Should i stay or move away ?

[ashshetty1988]

I need a advice over my situation..I am in love With my boyfriend since 7years..He is wellsettled abroad and earning quite good money...but i have dream to buy a house..for dat i need some initial investment..........
I asked my boyfriend to help me chase my dreams by lending me for initial investment,bUT HE HAS DENIED to help me explainin me how difficult it is to earn money abroad.he said me - "if u want to buy a house,please chase ur dreams urself n etc"..
This has completly put me down..we wer plannin to get married next year..but after his answer,i am broken down and i want to move awy from this relationship..but he says he encourages me to achieve my dreams but he cant give financial support...is he right?or am i wrong?
Pls advice me what shud i do in dis situatiuoin?

[brice1967]

I'm not for sure that I am getting this straight.  It is YOUR dream to purchase a house.  Is that correct?  And is it correct that you want HIM to pay for it or at least come up with the down payment?

If that is the case, how financially ready are YOU to buy a house?  How much money are YOU going to come up with for the down payment?  

Please take no offense to this, but if he is living and working abroad, how could you expect him to basically purchase a home that he cannot live in?  If this is your dream, you need to take charge.  It would be your responsibility to come up with the down payment.....

[thatquietgirl]

What I want to know is: why would you want your boyfriend to lend you money?  Especially as substantial an amount as a down payment for a house would be?  That's just begging for problems, even if you are planning to get married and possibly merge your finances.  You'd be in his debt, and he could easily grow to resent you if you can't ever pay him back or feel the loan should be forgiven when you get married and he doesn't view it that way.

You two need to sit down and talk about what will happen with your finances, where your life is headed, what you see for your marriage, etc.

[AnnieBrooke]

If your boyfriend is "well settled" abroad, I assume he has been there a while.  You say you have been in love with him 7 years, but you don't say how often you see each other.  If he were extremely wealthy and if your relationship has a lot of positive emotional contact all the time, he might possibly offer to loan you money for something that he knew you wanted, but the offer would have to come from his own impulse, not as an answer to a request from you.  Even though you are engaged, he should certainly not be 'expected' to loan you money even if he were Mister Moneybags, and certainly not if he is barely getting by.  His salary might seem substantial to you, but in some cities the cost of living is so high that people spend everything they earn on rent and basic needs.  Or he might simply have different plans for his money.  You don't have any right to his money at this time, and even after you are married, your right extends largely to when you are doing things that will benefit him as well as you, or will benefit your kids.  You didn't mention if a house where you live will benefit him, it rather sounds like it will only benefit you since it is not where he is living.  If this has shocked you and you feel he is not proving his love by giving you a lot of money for a plan he does not feel involved in, I am sorry you are taking it this way.  You do need to do as specialmom says, and have a talk about your long-term plans and his, and where you will live, before anyone buys a house.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome to the Relationships forum.  In all honesty, I'm not sure why ----  you'd expect him to help you buy the house.  If you are getting married someday, you will at some point buy a home together but you aren't at this point yet.

I don't think he was in the wrong.  I DO think you two need to sit down and discuss where your future is headed and what your goals as a couple would be financially.

good luck dear

[Life360_Dave]

Hi and welcome. I Think hes right but because of the situation. If you were married, this would be a plan for you both. I feel his answer to chase the dream urself was due to the way you asked him and he feels he might be being used. You say "your" dream not "my dream for the both of us". Men are a little pickey about spending money and he may feel he is not that secure about his job.
If you feel so hurt because of his reply that would make you want to leave him, then maybe you only want the house and not him.