Welcome to Medhelp. Your bottom line is clear. You want to stay in a relationship that is hard for you to bare. And so, you must simply bare the stress. As it is highly stressful for you, and you and the girl have said you want to take things really slow, if you're not doing so already, I suggest that you join a group or two, The gym, the YMCA pool, doing some volunteer work. etc. While you're taking it slow with this girl, keep busy doing things that look good on paper, to get you the best job, take an extra college course, a hobby of interest to you. If there are girls that you meet along the way, make friends with them. Make friends of both sexes. She wants to be able to have male friends, so you go ahead and talk to other girls. Don't be exclusive, be inclusive with your social life. Don't spend all of your free time with this girl. Let her know , and for your own good, be very independent, and spend quality time with her, when you do see her.
How often do you see this girl? How often does she see her ex?
Also, could you tell us how old you both are? Personally, I would look elsewhere for a partner. I would probably take it slow, but be on the look out and i would make friends with the opposite sex and probably end up dating one of them, that wasn't so into taking it "slow" while conversing with their "ex". Sounds like you may want a partnership to move a littler quicker than her. That means that it may be that you are both incompatible, now or in the future.
You sound relatively grounded for someone who has had breakups, trust issues and major baggage. I think taking it slowly in this circumstance sounds like a very good idea. If I were you I would talk to a counselor or therapist, and work out how much you need this girl to ease her ex out of her life and whether you can stand it if she will not, and then work out a good, solid demeanor and approach to the relaitonship. Be happy she is in your life!
She is probably dealing with some feelings of incompleteness over that past relationship -- that always happens when a person is the one who gets dumped instead of the one who does the dumping. It is quite possible that those feelings don't extend as far as wanting him back, they often just tend to be more like wanting him to be sorry. But if she thinks it over, she will probably be able to realize that it really wasn't that great of a relationship anyway, by the time he cheated. And then there will you be, looking like Mr. Solid. You won't cheat, you won't get insecure, you are happy and loving, this makes you look like money from home. At least, that should be your demeanor, and get yourself to believe it too. There is nothing wrong with being trusting, even if sometimes you get disappointed. It's better than not trusting.
I love what AnnieBrooke has shared !!!! So true. Mr Reliable Mr Can Love You and Only You, is very appealing to one dealing with the rejection of one that is not SOLID..BEING SOLID RULES!!!! ~ Best of luck with everything, we'll be here for you through out. It's nice not to be alone with all of this.!! AND YOU'RE NOT ALONE..
shes 24 and I'm 26 and i wish there was a way that i could make you understand how things are between us, you will see that she is not like any other girl...
That is what i am doing, trying to see her more, in the beginning we barely saw each other but we spent and still do, spend a lot of time talking to each other over Skype, talking to her over the phone at least 1-2 hours a day. Now we see each other a lot more, i think he sees her more. The difference is he lives close to her and I don't.
Do you feel that you two have a connection? If her ex is visiting more often than you, that's a big problem. Why does it matter if he lives closer, you are a grown man, you can go to her house without any complaints. It doesn't matter who lives closer than who, it's who she wants to be with. You don't need someone her trying to keep you around in case her ex pisses her off again. I hate to sound so mean to you but you need to wake up and find someone who doesn't have baggage and ******** with her. And someone who actually, truly wants to be with you.
If she really likes you and wants a future with you then she has to respect you and let go of her ex! Seems like you're her back up plan while she's waiting to get back with her ex. Just remember the age old quote: never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option! So let her know how you feel about her still mingling with her ex. If she can't do that for you, then you should move on because she clearly still has feelings for him!
so do love her so much ..so that she can never think of her ex!!never ever]