Need Help Coping

[bibigirl1210]

My boyfriend and I have been off and on for 3 years now, but now that we are back together, we have never been this happy. Last year, he moved away and was in another relationship. They had a physical relationship and she told him she was on birth control when she lied to him and wasn't. but he didn't know. They broke up a few weeks later because he found her cheating on him and school was over so he moved back here to his hometown with his family again. We got back together in April, but in June he got a call saying that he needed to pay child support and blah blah blah and he was confused because he didn't know who was trying to get him. Today he was told that a "20 days to deny custody" notice was left at his sister's house where he used to live. He doesn't want to take responsibility of the baby and I'm just scared of what this will do for our future. We're engaged and I'm just so confused and need some help or advice with how to cope with it.  

[sweetpea03]

First thing is first, you need to have him get a DNA test done to make sure the baby is actually his. Then after that is done, then you can decide what to do. If this baby really is his, then you are in for a lot more drama and complications. To me, that would not be worth it and as hard as it would be, I would leave to find a man without children or the extra drama. If the baby is not his, then you can continue your relationship and hope he has learned his lesson to not foolishly sleep around.

[1spartan]

I don't know if you'll get this,  but I wouldn't stay.  I am an older male and I can honestly tell you no girl "traps" a guy.  Every man knows what can happen if he is intimate with a woman, condom or not.  Aside from that, while you say you weren't together that year and you understand (now), if you get married and the child/custody/support becomes an issue, and it will as all young couples struggle with finances at first, you will begin to resent him and the situation.  Another thing,  what if you two cannot have children of your own?  Will you be able to see a child from someone else as a constant reminder to what the two of you don't have?  These are all things you don't think about.....and maybe none of it will be relevant to your life... but if they are?

[bibigirl1210]

i just feel like i'm already so attached to him already, he said she pretty much trapped him, and he came to the conclusion that he'll pay the child support but doesn't want custody at all... but i just i don't know :|

[Aimar]

IF i were you i would leave.... there is alwasy going to be drama... my sister inlaw si the same situation and she is always telling me that she wishes would of left before she got serious and had kids with her husband... (he had the kids before) and sharing custody, money time etc... i wont be able to put up with something like that by people are different... your call your life...

[bibigirl1210]

I suppose I'm going to have to deal with whatever, he said whether or not he takes shared custody or not he'll pay child support. The way I hear from both sides it was sort of like a "one night stand" sort of deal and I yelled at him because he knows better and should use protection and I'm not mad, I mean we weren't even together at the time it just ***** because we had a future planned out together and all this stuff, and now there's gonna be some random kid and psycho ex girlfriend probably gonna ruin our lives :/ and it ***** because my mom went through something similar to this with my dad but they are just fine but I don't know what to do or think. If you were in my situation what would you want him to do? What would you do?

[brice1967]

I think cheshchesh's advice is very sound.  Your boyfriend needs to have a dna test done to either prove or disprove if the child is his, and if it is, he needs to take the proper course of action.

Only you can decide if you can live with this.  It's your decision and you'll get to live with it.  

[cheshchesh819]

Firstly your boyfriend needs to face the fact that he could be a dad,he needs to have a dna test done to prove otherwise and if it turns out he is a dad he will have to step up to the mark,condoms are not just there to prevent pregnancy they are also there to stop STDs,anyway if he is the dad it is totally up to you whether or not you can live with the fact that there will always be a child in the picturre no matter what your boyfriend decides to do,if you can deal with it then you will both be able to get through this if you cant then you need to end it now.