sister in law moving in!!!

[tonyt678]

SO I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR OVER 10 YEARS WITH MY WIFE AND HAVE A VERY GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH ONE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER. WE MOVED TO ATL RIGHT AFTER WE GOTTEN MARRIED  . BECAUSE OF IT BEING RUFF IN CT , NO JOBS AND HAVING KIDS MY SISTER IN LAW DECIDED TO MOVE TO ATL FOR A CHANGE AND FOR A NEW START. MY WIFE SPOKE TO ME ABOUT IT AND SAID IT WAS OK FOR HER TO STAY ALONG WITH HER TWO KIDS AT MY HOUSE UNTIL SHE COULD GET HERSELF ON TRACK. THAT WENT OK UNTIL MY WIFE AND HER SISTER STARTED TO GET INTO IT. HER SISTER FEELS LIKE WE OWNED HER SOMETHING  AND ALMOST STARTED ACTING LIKE SHE WAS THE WOMAN OF THE HOUSE, WHILE IN FACT WE WERE DOING HER A FAVOR. SHE WASN'T PROVIDING ANY KIND OF FINANCING HELP , ALTHOUGH SHE WOULD DO LAUNDRY EVERYDAY , HAVE THE LIGHT ON ALL NIGHT AND HER KIDS EATING ALL MY FOOD . I FELT LIKE I WAS TAKING CARE OF ANOTHER FAMILY WITHIN MY FAMILY..TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT IT GOT TO A POINT WHERE  MY WIFE COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE , THERE WERE  ARGUMENTS , THE COP WERE CALLED AND MY SISTER IN LAW FINALLY GOT AN APARTMENT .
  SO NOW ALMOST A YEARS AND A HALF LATER, SHE IS IN A SITUATION  WHERE SHE IS NOW PREGNANT AND  HAVING A BABY IN 1 WEEKS , ABOUT TO BE EVICTED FROM HER APARTMENT , HER BABY FATHER WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. SHE IS NOW BUGGING MY WIFE TO COME AND STAY WITH US AGAIN... SHE HAVE ALREADY STATED SHE DON'T LIKE ME . I HEARD HER ON THE PHONE MAKING MY WIFE FEEL GUILTY  SAYING OHH IF SHE MY WIFE NEEDED HELP SHE WOULD HELP HER AND SHE HAS A BIG EMPTY HOUSE AND SHE DOESN'T WANT TO HELP. MY THINGS IS THAT WE TRIED HELPING BEFORE. I FEEL LIKE SHE CAME HERE AND SHE DIDNT FOCUS ON BETTERING  HERSELF BUT WENT AND HAVE ANOTHER BABY WHEN SHE COULD'T EVEN TAKE CARE OF THE TWO SHE HAD. NOW WHY IS IT MY WIFE AND MYSELF  PROBLEM , SHOULD WE FEEL GUILTY AT ALL . I FEEL LIKE MY WIFE IS AND NOW IS PRESSURING ME TO ALLOW IT. I NEED SOME ADVISE . I DONT THINK I COULD DEAL WITH HER 2 KIDS RUNNING UP AND DOWN MY HOUSE THEY ARE 6 AND 7 PLUS HAVING A BABY CRYING ALL NIGHT ,PLUST DEALING WITH HER ATTITUDE .. I DIDN' T SIGN UP FOR THAT. I TOLD MY WIFE NO NO NO!!!!!!I NEED SOME HELP , NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO . I KNOW IT'S MY WIFE SISTER BUT SHE IS GOING TO COME HERE FOR PROBABLY A YEAR  AND LIVE ON MY ACCOUNT ..I DONT THINKS IT FAIR TO ME AND MY FAMILY.... PLEASE HELP...

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, i agree it would be a bad situation but you need to consider that she is family and what options does she have? If there are no options other then her living on the streets youd need to help.

[tonyt678]

I FEEL BAD HOWEVER, HER ATTITUDE IS NOT RIGHT, LIKE I SAID SHE ACTS LIKE WE OWE IT TO HER.. I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT IT AND TRYING TO FIGURE WHY  WAS SHE MAD AT ME AND IT JUST CAME TO ME .. SHE  WAS ARGUING ABOUT THE SAME SITUATION , BEING RESPONSIBLE WITH MY WIFE  AND I TOOK MY WIFE SIDE SAYING SHE NEEDS TO STEP HER GAME UP AND TRY TO DO SOMETHING FOR HERSELF.. NOW  KNOWING THAT  SHE SAID SHE DON'T LIKE ME AND HER ATTITUDE DOESN'T MAKE FOR A REAL  GOOD SITUATION. I COULD DEAL WITH SOMETHING LIKE THAT AT A JOB BUT NOT AT MY HOUSE. . I AM A WORKING MAN AND CAN'T DEAL WITH ANY ADDED STRESS. IT WOULD BE ONE THING IF SHE WAS COMING TO US SAYING, HEY I AM GETTING A PLACE IN 2 MONTHS AND JUST NEED BOARDING FOR A SHORT TIME . NOTHING LIKE THAT .. KNOWING THE SITUATION TEMPORARY FOR HER  WILL BE OVER A YEAR. REM. SHE HAVE 3 YOUNG KIDS. IF MY WIFE HAD 3 YOUNG KIDS I WOULDN'T WANT HER TO WORK CAUSE IF WOULD COST TO MUCH FOR DAYCARE .. NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER SAYING  I CANNOT WORK BECAUSE  I HAVE THE KIDS, WHY IS THAT MY RESPONSIBILITY, WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO PAY A HIGHER  WATER BILL BECAUSE U ARE GOING TO DO LAUNDRY EVERYDAY, HIGHER ELECTRIC BILL ECT .. NO IT'S NOT FAIR. WHEN SHE LIVED WITH US  BEFORE SHE WOULD GET AHELP FROM THE GOVERNMENT WITH FOOD SHE WOULD STILL SEPARATE  FROM OUR , ALMOST TO SAY THAT THIS IS FOR ME AND MY KIDS , DONT' USE IT. IT NOT THAT MYSELF AND MY WIFE NEEDED IT BECAUSE WE BOTH MAKE GOOD MONEY, BUT SHE WAS VERY SELFISH WITH IT.. LIKE I SAID I FEEL HORRIBLE NOT FOR HER  AS MUCH AS I FEEL FOR MY WIFE BEING IN THE MIDDLE AND I THINK IT'S EVEN UNFAIR THAT SHE  IS BLAMING MY WIFE LIKE MY WIFE IS THE ONE WHO PLACED HER IN THIS SITUATION. WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN CHOICES TO MAKE IN LIFE  . I FEEL ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE CAME HERE IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A WAKE UP CALL TO START FRESH AND GO TO SCHOOL AND ENHANCE HERSELF .  NOT TO COME AND BE A BURDEN ON ANYONE. WE DID OUR SHARE OF HELPING. I AM EVEN OFFERING TO PAY FOR THE STORAGE FOR HER AND PROVIDE SOME OTHER MONETARY HELP BUT HONESTLY CAN'T DEAL WITH HER BEING IN HERE IT WOULD DRIVE ME INSANE... WHAT ABOUT THE SO CALL BF WHO GOT HER PREGNANT ?DOESN'T HE HAVE SOME KIND OF RESPONSIBILITY ? HE HUNG THE PHONE UP ON MY WIFE .. HE WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT...

[specialmom]

I think that is the route to take.  I would offer her money.  If you can give her X amount of dollars for rent, that would help.  If she has no job, she can apply for assistance.  (is she a US citizen?).  She can get healthcare, food stamps, and housing paid for once established in the program until she gets on her feet.  I know . . .  I hate those that seem to not want to do anything with their life.  And you hate to have our tax dollars used this way if they have no plan to work on things and begin becoming financially independent.  But assistance is there for those who need help and she does.  So, help her financially while she is applying for the aid and then back off of monetary help.  Make this suggestion to her.  good luck!!

[candicehoneyapple]

I agree with you and I know how family can make problems for you. One thing that changes the situation a little bit is your sister baby did not do anything. The baby is innocent in the whole mess. I feel bad your wife is in the middle and you are right her boyfriend should accept some responsibility, but I always say blood is thicker than water no matter what. And i don't know if her and her sister are close, but a sisterly bond is hard to break. she will just have to realize that she cannot stay for that long because it will cause problem in your house. but if she love her sister and you love your wife  you would help her out a little bit just until she get on her feet. I know where you coming from but blood is thicker than water.

[specialmom]

I would not invite her into your home again as this is too disruptive to your life.  She can go back to CT. to other family OR give her or give her money to help until she can get on govt. assistance.  But I do think in a situation like this if your wife agrees with you that this would be problematic to your family, that it is best to not let her move back in.  good luck

[tonyt678]

THANKS SO MUCH . I AGREE. LIKE I MENTIONED THIS WOULD PUT A STRAIN ON OUR RELATIONSHIP.. IT'S NOT LIKE I NEVER GAVE HER A CHANCE BEFORE I DID...WHEN SHE LEFT SHE NEVER EVEN SAID THANKS , SHE LEFT ON BAD TERMS. MY WIFE WAS FED-UP ALSO, I UNDERSTAND NOW MY WIFE IS STILL SYMPATHETIC BECAUSE IT IS HER SISTER AFTER ALL , BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER BUT SHE MARRIED ME NOT HER SISTER, WE BOUGHT OUR HOME TOGETHER.. I HOPE THAT MY WIFE UNDERSTAND MY PLEA AND DON'T FEEL LIKE I AM BEING  INSENSITIVE  TO THE MATTER. TODAY I HEARD HER SPEAKING TO MY WIFE SAYING THAT SHE IS ALLOWING ME TO TREAT HER FAMILY ANY KINDA OF WAY AND THAT'S WHY I AM SAYING NO..BASICALLY SHE IS INSTIGATING PROBLEMS BETWEEN US.. MY WIFE TOLD HER  WE WILL GIVE YOU HALF OF YOUR RENT .. YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAID OH " I NEED $900 FOR RENT" GUESS SHE IS EXPECTING US TO PAY EVERYTHING.. LIKE I SAID HER ATTITUDE IS DEFINITELY NOT HELPING.. SHE IS NOT MY DAUGHTER AND I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER. I HONESTLY THINK SHE WANTS SOMEONE TO TAKE FULL CARE OF HER.. WHEN SHE WAS IN CT FOR YEARS SHE LIVED WITH HER MOM UNTIL SHE MOVED HERE SO I GUESS SHE IS EXPECTING THE SAME.. WELL I AM NOT ABOUT TO DO IT OR ALLOW MY WIFE TO BE PRESSURED INTO DOING THAT EITHER..COME ON I WILL BE TAKING CARE OF A WHOLE ENTIRE FAMILY.. THIS HAVE REALLY BEEN STRESSING ME CAUSE EVERY MINUTE MY WIFE IS TEXTING  ME  SAYING I  NEED TO GIVE HER A CHANCE AND I KNOW I DON'T WANT TO AND I WILL NOT.. I HOPE IT DOESN'T AFFECT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY WIFE... I EVEN ASK MY DAUGHTER WHO IS 10 SHE SAID NO . SHE SAID THE KIDS WILL MESSED MY ROOM UP.. THIS IS BECAUSE WHEN THEY WERE THERE THE LAST TIME THEY USE MARKERS AND RUIN MY DAUGHTER RUG..PLUS MY SISTER IN LAW HAS A PROBLEM DISCIPLINING  HER KIDS  SHE ALLOW THEM TO DO WHATEVER THEY LIKE .. THEY WILL TURN MY HOUSE UP SIDE DOWN.. HMMMMM SMH!!! MY DAUGHTER ALSO SAID DADDY AUNTY XXX IS 41 NOT 18.. !!!

[Life360_Dave]

When you type  in capitols its hard to read! Just set some rules in your house. We are all in the world together and should  help eachother. Have a sit down talk with her and your wife on how to make this work. If you start just giving her money, it will be never ending.

[specialmom]

I'm just trying to figure out if she can get help elsewhere.  I'm not huge on sending people to welfare but she's the perfect candidate.  Single mom with kids.  They'll also begin going after the father's for child support (which they should be paying). There is a mother in CT and probably other family.  I don't think this man should shoulder the burden of a 41 year old woman who seems to have a pattern of needing 'help' (as in someone to take care of her).  

Had he not had her at his house once it would be different.  I think he HAS helped her.  

I'm surprised that his wife is giving him a hard time about doing it again with how it ended last time.  But then again, she's bombarded with requests from her sister for help.  Has to make you feel torn.  But isn't there other family?  Can not all siblings and the mother contribute to a fund to get her into an apartment and couldn't his wife accompany her to the office where she can apply for financial services to help stabilize her?  

I believe that is what he owes her at this point.  He's already done enough in terms of taking her in and it didn't go well.  

I have difficult family and one brother in law that I the 'best' educated of the whole family.  Not quite a Rhodes scholar but close---  no joke.  But he's flaky.  And he hasn't worked for 25 years.  he lives off of his spousal support which isn't much and all his savings and anything he can get from people.  The only reason he's been able to carry on for son long like that is that no one expected or demanded anything else from him and said no.  My husband finally said no.  Two other brothers also have said no (family of 7 kids).  This summer, for the first time I've heard ever, he went on a job interview and made calls to try to get other interviews.  TWENTY FIVE years!!!  Had they done it sooner (well, his parents were alive then and were part of the problem in their unwillingness to give up supporting him)---  maybe he would have found work.  He's now 60 years old with a pedigree of education that would impress the president and very little other than early success in his life to show for it.  SAD.  

Okay, whew.  Rant.  Sorry.  ha ha  But, I think that asking her to direct her attention to things like what her long term plan is like welfare or jobs or whatever is what HAS to happen.

Because I' sure one thing he is afraid of is that she'll move in and then not leave for another full year and the family can't take it.  I don't think family has to be disrupted that way.  Help in other ways.  But you don't have to turn your house upside down when you did try that before and it didn't work.

I'm not unsympathetic to the sister but it is not realistic to let her time and time again use you like a doormat.  She needs to get her OWN life together.  :>)  Opinion only, of course.  

[specialmom]

One caveat, you and your wife need to get on the same page.  That is really key because either way, if you are not, the sister in law's issues will be a stumbling block in your marriage.  Sit down and problem solve with your wife for solutions to this issue that both of you can agree to. good luck

[tonyt678]

Thanks Specialmom for your understanding, and thanks all for the encouraging words, you are right I am afraid when she moves in it will be a year before she moves out. She is actually having the baby on Tuesday and says that she has to move out by the 1st of Aug , so she is scared that when she gets out everything will be on the lawn Hence the urgency   .. My wife is very concern about that too. I think like you suggested she needs to go to welfare or some Government assistance programs.. I am standing by my words at this point it is a no because it is a recipe for disaster.... I hope I am not being mean cause my wife said I was .. I mean my heart is broken at this point but I need to be sane to take care of my family because that is who my commitment is to.. My wife and my daughter.. not a 41 years old woman who can't seem to get it together and wants to blame everyone and put that guilt trip on people..

[tonyt678]

Just got another text from my wife saying I was very mean..I am so happy we are going away on a 10 days vk on sun soo by the time we get back she would have hopefully figure out  something .. You know whats killing me the man she has is a dead beat already. He wants nothing to do with anything. she is suppose to be going in to have the baby he doesn't even as much wants to hold the 2 others kids which are obviously not his for the couple of  days... My wife planned a very nice baby shower for her and ask the guy to at least to give her $100 towards the cake and other things he said no his limit is $40 .. My wife said no thanks.. That shower much have cost her over $600.. She did it  all by herself..I think women need to get to know someone before laying their backs down for men.. What happy to monogamy, true love, getting married and having a family . Nowadays as we say it in my Caribbean colloquialism . Its about hitting and running . I feel bad for her ... And I will help as much as I can just not letting her in our house..

[vicki595]

Hi Tony- I just wanted to jump in and offer some support- Can I ask...why is she being evicted from her current apartment?  Is there a way you can speak with the landlord if it's about non payment of rent?  It certainly would save some money as opposed to getting a new apt and all those costs.

I sure feel badly for you and your family.  I hope you can find some quiet time alone with your wife to talk this through. One other thing, there are laws that prevent a landlord from putting a pregnant woman or an infant out on the street.  That's why I'm wondering if you can negotiate with them.

[tonyt678]

Interesting! I  think it is for none payment.. I will bring that to my wife's attention. I know the laws in Georgia are so funny. They will have the sheriff bursting down your door and putting your things on the lawn . Up north it seems that things are different. Thanks for weighing in on that because that is one other option we could look at . unfortunately,  I have to say we because I am somewhat affected by this to. I am pretty sure tonight once I get home it will be another conversation with my wife about this.. We may have to get her caught up with the rent and then see  what happens. at-least  for two months .. that would have been enough time because if I were to ever consider having stay at our place that would have been all the time she woudl get no  more no less. So instead we coudl pay the rent . I think its a good idea..

[remar]

You can not feel guilty about your decision. You helped her out before and she did nothing with her life. Birth control is free at any woman's clinic so there's no reason she should have gotten pregnant again if she couldn't already care for the two children she has.
I've been in your situation with helping family members out. My husband and I have let several family members move in with us at different times and it never worked out. It put such a strain on our marriage and also on us financially. We just had to get rid of our nephew a few months ago and it was the best thing for all of us. No more stress for my husband and me and my nephew finally got a job, his own place and a car.
I agree with the above posters. If you can afford to pay her rent for a month or two so she can get back on her feet that would be best all around. Tell her to sign up for welfare and go after the fathers for child support. Like Specialmom, I do not like to see people using the system to get things for free when they put their own self's in this kind of situation. If she goes to the welfare office to sign up though they might be able to help her with schooling and or a job and also daycare for the children.

[tonyt678]

Thanks so much for the the response (@remar) . It was a long weekend, we helped her packed some of her things and took them to the storage . Although I'm on vk in the islands now, I have to think about that. ....As off now there aren't any solid plans as to what she is doing or where she is going. I was told that she applied  for all these different  assistance programs , nothing yet. I think she wants to move out from where she is to somewhere a bit cheaper anyway.. Hopefully she figures it out by the time we are back...I just didn't want to harbor her for another 2 years. On the plane here I ask my wife.." Ok, lets say I allowed her to stay with us. what are her plans"? The response was that well, she would get a job and pay for day care after she has the baby ..No, Knowing her she will not want to leave her children and go to work , She is going to complain about it cost just as much for daycare in comparison to what she will makes working , so it will not make sense to work . Which I totally understand , but who is going to take care of you until you decide you want to work , hmmmmm, Me ? No way... So I told my wife again , It's a no again and it will be no when we get back..

[nursegirl6572]

I think you holding your ground on this is the way to go.  If you didn't already have the history with your SIL, it would be different, but you do, and you know it's going to end up being a huge burden (especially with the baby coming), and will likely cause a lot of resentment between you and your wife.  

You can help her in other ways, like mentioned.  

Good luck to you, hope it all works out!

[tonyt678]

so now my wife and myself are arguing because she just spoke to her sister and was told she has received an eviction notice . My SIL  now is going to a shelter after she has the baby tommrw. The place will not be ready for another two week . My wife wanted her to come until it's ready . I am still saying NO .. I think this might be an attempt for her to keep saying the place is not ready and next thing you know she will be  settled in at our house . I am so pissed of now. I want nothing to do with this.. Why can't she go to her baby fathers house for the two weeks..It's crazy.....

[remar]

Yes, she could go stay with the baby's father for awhile. This is his baby and his responsibility, not yours. You've done so much for your sil already and she did not make any changes but only made things worse for herself and her children by getting pregnant again when she can afford another child.
I would question the shelter story too. If she has 3 children one being a newborn baby, I highly doubt they would make her wait 2 weeks to move in.
I wish your wide was behind you with all of this. I told you my husband and I have had several family members come stay with us. Always it was supposed to temporary and always it turned in to at least and year and sometimes even years. We felt sorry for them and tried our best to help but it caused so many problem for me and my husband. As long as they knew they had a place to stay and food in their stomach, which we paid for, they were content not to change their lives. We put our foot down and promised each other that no one will ever live with us again. We couldn't be happier with our decision. It's sad to know their our some people who are leaches.
Sorry for the long post. Stand your ground. I hope your wife will be on your side and see that you're only trying to do what's best for your family and also for your sil and her children.

[tonyt678]

so now my SIL had the baby last tuesday .Apparently it was at a teaching  hospital  and while having a c-section the doctor slightly cut her liver  but because she signed a waver nothing can be done about that.She have been in the hospital for over a week now still bleeding . They are now saying the baby has to go home because he is heathy and can't stay in the hospital.. My wife is now telling me she is going to take a few days and bring the baby here because the social worker in threatening to put the baby with another family.. The stupid father of the child wants another lady friend of his to take care of the the baby and My SIL does not want that.. I really didn't want her or the baby to come to the house .. I told my wife no .. I don't want the baby here... why are we the ones to take the responsibility let  the dammm father step up and take care of his child..I'm sol freaking pissed off.. I don't want to deal with anyone else baby period .. call me mean I don't give a dammm...

[tonyt678]

because of her damm irresponsible *** she is in that situation.. she has two kids at her mom and want to have one at my house... she is grown and I'm not going to show any sympathy to her.. she knew what the hell she was doing when she laid up with that man,,, and plus  she knew the man didn't want a baby .. although i don't support it she should have had an abortion... I hate people who always wants to be the damm victim..... instead of bettering herself here she went and laid with a dam man that didn't want a baby . now she is saying ohh I tell you guys to leave him  out of it.. How the hell are we suppose to leave him out of it when he is the one that got you pregnant you fool. i can't stand these foolish ladies now a days.....

[specialmom]

Ugh, tony, this is tough stuff.  Things just got complicated.  Who would have predicted this??  What about ANY other family???   ugh, I just don't know how you're going to convince your wife that the baby can't come.  I get it.  I really do but circumstances are making this a situation in which it is sure hard to not do this.  I would talk about a CLEAR exit plan.  make it clear to your wife that there is a time frame in which baby and mama/the sil are gone.  even if you have to go rent her a place yourself and move her things.  BUT, that means you have all her kids now too and she'll need care when she gets out if this is a serious health set back.

I would call her mother, your mother in law, for advice.  Maybe if you pay for the apartment, she an come out to help and stay with her and the kids in that apartment??

[tonyt678]

it's 242am my time and myself are having a steaming argument about this baby coming here ,,but you know what once she's brings the baby here I'm not coming home cause it's ********.. I don't think it's right.. her sister has her now thinking i don't care bout her family and that she is allowing me to treat her anyway.I don't give a damm now.. I just won't be here I will excuse myself from the situation .. its just ******** that you have people like this being a damm burden to people.. i work hard and i take care of my family why should i have her run me off my house .. its ******** but i can't deal with it...

[thirdtimemum]

I totally get where you're coming from.......and your wife needs to see where you're coming from too, remind her of how you two were the last time she lived with you. I mean, there's helping people out, and then there's helping people out to the point your marriage etc, is on the line. The baby is totally innocent in all of this, and I see where your wife is coming from in wanting to look after it, it's human nature. This is a really tough one, there's the want of wanting to do the right thing morally, and them also the need of wanting to protect your wife, family and your home, which is understandable, as I couldn't imagine anything worse than anyone coming to stay with me for an extended period of time, I have a household to run with 3 kids in it!
What I can't understand is why your wife doesn't get how disruptive this is to your homelives, at least my partner and I agree on this sort of scenario, but I guess all you can do is the right thing on your behalf. Personally, if it was me, yes, I would take that baby into my home while the mum is on hospital, and in the meantime get an apartment for her so when she gets out she has somewhere strAight away to go to, and if your wife is there 24 hrs a dAy to help her out, so be it. You have done your bit to morally help out, and in the meantime your household is not being disrupted. Best of luck :)

[specialmom]

I'll be honest.  Now, I don't think the sister should move in with you.  But in a crisis, I'd help family.  I would take in my sister's newborn until my sister got out of the hospital.   I just would have to do that.  What else do you do with a helpless baby?  I couldn't put a baby/family into foster care.  Then you could still have the apartment waiting and when your sister gets out, your wife can go there to help her as she recovers and gets stronger.  

I definitely hear ya that you don't want them there.  I get it and I wouldn't want a family moving in with me either especially after you gave this a try and it was a disaster.  That is big picture and I definitely think you stick to your guns.

However, in a crisis, I'm not sure you can say no.  I'm so very sorry as I am totally on your side.  But I picture if this were my sister and I couldn't let a baby go to foster care.  But I'd be clear that it is not a long term thing.  And I'd go ahead and try to figure out when sister is getting out of the hospital and I'd rent a place for her.  And I'd have your wife help her apply for assistance so she can have her own income to pay for the apartment.  

Does she have other kids though??  If her mom would come and you rented an apartment for say 2 months and the mom could watch all the kiddos until she gets out of the hospital (or another sister would work too) and your wife could help her with getting assistance so your financial help is temporary, that would solve a lot of problems??