my boyfriend cant have a normal sexual relationship.

[sweetmomma_7]

I have been with my bf for over 2yrs. Of course the first year was great. He treated me like a queen. But then after the first year everything changed. He can go from happy to mad within seconds. During sex he was very passionate. Now the only time he enjoys sex is if he is hurting me. Such as... he forces me to do things I don't want to do. He knows I don't want to do it because I am yelling no, or stop, and I'm crying. He tells me he doesn't care and keeps going. He will hit me, force his penis down my throat, will laugh when he forces it anally, and will call me names. After sex I come out of it bleeding, or bruised. Sometimes he will apologize after and sometimes he wont. He will pull alot of my hair out and I feel just horrible. Can it be possible for him to have normal sex again? He was sexually abused as a kid, kid so is that why he is like this? He has told me before during sex that I was going to feel what he went through as a kid.

[sweetmomma_7]

Yes,  in fact I see heron Tues. I'm going to have her help me find a therapist who can help me with this. I know I need to do this for myself.  Thank you again. I know I can do this.

[Londres70]

There is NO fact "no one will love you."  The fact is that these poor excuses for men entered your life because they sensed that you don't think much of yourself or have any "self love."   Abusers know how to pick their prey. (I liken them to wolves)

I believe this can all change for you after intense therapy.  First thing is to get you well and loving you then someone HEALTHY to love you.  

Your therapist for your addiction should be able to help you sort this out as well.  (I am assuming you are seeing a therapist for your addiction)

[specialmom]

I want you to know that every man is NOT like that.  You have a pattern and that is why it is important to take a break from men for a while and work with a professional to break it.  We can live bad experiences over and over again by subconsciously making poor choices.  This is not unusual, believe me.  It takes some work to break a cycle but well worth it.

You are a fine person.  There is a good partner for everyone.  You just have to be patient and hold people to high standards.  But I would first focus on you and getting healthy in your choices.  

But please believe that there ARE good men out there----  and you deserve one of them.  Peace.

[Ashelen]

I agree with the others, completely. You must get out..and please get yourself some help to strengthen yourself so that you don't ever let someone treat you this way again.

If you have any hesitation about leaving, imagine this scenario: you have kids. If he enjoys making you feel the pain he felt as a kid, how much more pleasure would he find forcing an actual child to feel the pain he felt as a child?

Get out, NOW, before it's too late.

[sweetmomma_7]

Thank you all aging. Yes, I am on suboxone and trying to recover. As a kid my father was never around it was just my brother and I. Once I turned 12 my mom brought in a man who became my stepdad. He never hit us or anything but he did always say how ugly, fat, and stupid I am. So of course I just started to believe that. As I became an adult I started to finally believe that I was none of those things. Then I met my husband (who is now my ex) and he was abusive, and would tell me how no one will ever want me and would repeat what I went through as a kid. Now with this guy I thought I found a good one, I guess not. I think I put up with the abuse because I don't feel there are any good guys out there. I guess I need to just be alone and face the fact that no one will want me. I don't Really know anyone who doesn't want to be loved. However, love just isn't for me.

You all are right. I do need to get help and get away from these guys who physically hurt me.

[specialmom]

Hon, I am just going to say that while your boyfriend (who should be your ex boyfriend by now) needs therapy, I think you do as well.  I do not say that to insult you but because it is not typical for a woman to go through that more than a couple of times before they pull the plug on the situation.  That you have not is telling me that you have some work to do to discover why.  

In abusive relationships, it takes two.  The abuser and the one who allows it to happen to them.  It is codependency.  I see in another post that you are an ex addict and on suboxone and this makes me wonder if there are things in your past that make you feel like you don't deserve better than this?  That you feel you need someone in your life to be okay?  Something is keeping you in this situation and it isn't love, I'm afraid.  

You must break up with him.  Firmly and self rightously.  Take care of yourself.  Care about yourself.  If your little sister, niece, best friend called you and told you that someone hit them, made them bleed, and basically raped them----  what would you say or do?  I'm sure an anger would boil up in you about it----  and you need to care about yourself this much.  

Next, you must see a counselor about this.  Going deeper as to why you are in this situation and have stayed there is really crucial to your future.  I don't want this horrible pattern to repeat.  

Peace and luck to you.

[RainLover71]

Your boyfriends a sadistic pig.This is one relationship that will never work.End it before something tragic happens.He needs to seek professional mental help.He is one card short of a full deck,one wave short of a ship wreck.All the best.

[sweetmomma_7]

Your right! I definitely don't want to find out what could happen next. I guess I'm still hooked on the guy from that first year. But what I'm starting to believe is that was all an act and that this is the real him. I know I need to run the other way. I'm feeling so stupid because this is now my second abusive relationship I have been in. If there ever will be another guy how to I give him that trust. At this point anytime a guy walks by me I literally cringe and get nervous. I guess being alone is the way to go. Oh, and no my bf and I don't live together. What does make it hard is my bf has a friend who lives right by me so my bf knows everytime I even walk out the door.

[Londres70]

In my opinion you are being sexually abused since you are NOT consenting to this bizaar sexual behavior.

He NEEDS therapy like yesterday.  If the sex life you experienced in the beginning of your relationship will return....hmmm.....not so sure about that.  I wouldn't stick around to find out.  He is taking unresolved anger and rage out on your.  I would be afraid and not be taking this LIGHTLY.  

I would definitely not be allowing the possibility of sex to happen again.  I mean, who knows if he will seriously hurt you beyond bleeding and bruised.  

Do you all live together?  If you do, leave.  

For your own safety, I would not continue this relationship.  Ideally, this should be reported, however, that would be opening a "can of worms" which I am not sure if you will be willing to do especially since you have been with this person for 2 years and he has been doing this for a year.  

I wouldn't be worried about having a "normal sexual relationship" with him again; I would be worried about my safety and well-being because this man is disturbed.  

[sweetmomma_7]

I wish I could answer that. As I said the first year was great he totally got me hooked then he changed. I am one of those stupid girls that keeps thinking he will go back to his normal ways. Thank you for your reply.

[Kayannaboo]

This relationship is toxic. Your boyfriend needs professional help. Why would u subject urself to that?