Girlfriend advise required please help...

[s_i_m_0_n]

Ok i have been with my girlfriend for about 5 years and i am beginning to think maybe it is time to come to an end, i still love her but i just dont feel its working,  the prospects in life with her look very good getting house to gether we both have a good job
then there is another girl, she is from another country, i have slept with her twice and i can tell she is very in to me, we spent one night away in a hotel together and i must say that was the best time i have had in my life, so many laughs and memorys from jsut one night.
The thing with this girl is i dont know what she is going to do in the future move home or stay, do i end my 5 year relationship where things are not gong so good to be with a girl that i know will be great but dont know how long it will last.

This is very confusing, when i am with my foregin friend all my troubles disappear but then it will end soon, when i am with my current girlfriend we do have fun but i dont feel the same as i did.

Any advise will be great.

thanks

Si

[RockRose]

simon,  why would breaking up with a girlfriend "let everyone down"?  It's not like she's your wife.  If you don't have any kids you're absolutely free to go at any point,  no obligations,  no shame.  That's what girlfriends and boyfriends are about.  If it doesn't work out you walk away without guilt.  Doesn't make either of you bad people.

If you're dreading her asking you for sex while you're on vacation because you can't stand to have sex with her anymore,  it's time to leave.  My guess is,  she won't be that upset.  The relationship is dead.

[kay2486]

hi,  have you sorted the mess out yet, i hope you do, you cant love your girlfd as much as you did because your eyes have wondered else where, some say everyone looks but i dont think thats true, if you look at anyone else you cant love your partner that much.
You tell your grfnd what you have done really, she will find out one day.
shes been faithfull an loyal to you in the past 5-6 years she really deserves to know the truth, if you arent happy i believe that you should end a relationship before looking elsewhere because this looking will only be a backup if you lost her for good

[penswriter]

You've already ended your relationship. The moment you started to sleep with someone else your relationship was over.

Do the kind thing and end it. She deserves better.

[mami1323]

Haha, we do think alike.  

Simon I agree with specialmom, you're not saying that you love your gf so much that the thought of hurting her tears you apart, you are saying that you don't want to miss out on a life with her.  To me, that is quite selfish, it is a materialistic view point.  She offers stability and comfortability that you love, which in itself is a beautiful thing but if you're only staying with her because of those reasons, well that's not exactly good reasons.  Love should fall in there somewhere right?  You want to hang on to your fling before you decide what you should do with your gf....again, very selfish.  I mean starting out a new relationship being the cheating partners, that won't end up in a good place.  She will never trust you because she was the one who you were cheating with and you won't trust her because what type of woman allows themselves to be the other woman.  Not a very classy or upstanding individual.  How can you respect someone like that?  You don't understand the amount of pain you are about to invoke on your gf if she were to find out about your cheating.  Although she deserves a man in her life that won't do that to her and for that reason you should allow her to leave and find that.  But if you choose to stay with her, you need to really devote yourself to her 100% and never cheat on her again.  Let's just step outside of yourself for a moment, how would you feel if your gf was doing this to you?  What would you do?  How would you react?  What would you feel?  Sometimes we have to think about things in that perspective to get a true understanding of what we are doing.  Good luck.

[specialmom]

Oh boy.  

First, it is so funny-------- I was writing but got distracted when mami wrote her post and we said many of the same things . . . and sometimes in the same way.  We must think alike!

Second---------  well, I don't know Simon.  Can you just forget that you strayed and had sex with another woman and act like nothing happened with your girlfriend?  If you had come here in the first place and said "I made a mistake.  What was I thinking?  I'm so sorry and I love my girlfriend and I can't believe I did this to her"-------- then I'd say the relationship had a fighting chance.  I'd also tell you to not tell her because I would think that you'd take all the necessary steps to make it up to her and be a great boyfriend.

As it stands now, I think you are still confused.  You were talking of being unhappy with her 20 minutes ago and that you shouldn't have to be in a relationship that you are unhappy in.  

I agree that you should cool it off with your friend for a few reasons.  It is the right thing to do, it confuses you more, it won't work anyway as the one we cheated on our significant other with usually doesn't end up being our soul mate, and it is not going to make you feel good about  yourself to be a cheat.  So yes, break it  off with her.

As to your girlfriend, I think you need to hit a couple's counselor pronto.  There are issues in the relationship and perhaps someone can help you with that.  As to telling her, you are just wishy washy enough on this that I'd hate to see her waste anymore time not knowing what she is dealing with.

I'm not trying to be harsh. I'm really not.  I think that you are in a real pickle.  If you want your girlfriend--------- you'll have to do some work.  But perhaps things will be great if you do it.  good luck

[s_i_m_0_n]

Yes i relise i am cheating and that it isnt fair on my GF, but i not sure if i want it to end, i dont want to miss out on life with her, i think that i might try and cool things off with my foregin friend. and leave it at that.

Do you think i should still tell my GF or keep it quiet?

[specialmom]

Okay, so let's say it--------- you are cheating on your girlfriend of 5 years.  Yes, you should break up with her as she deserves better than that after five years, don't ya think?  

Intimacy in a relationship that is long term is something that you have to keep alive and active.  Of course it  isn't like a new fling.  It is mature love and not the simple------- I barely know you lust thing anymore.  And issues in intimacy can be because of other problems with the couple.  

If you want to work on the relationship--------  try couples therapy.  But . . . you've already done grave damage to things by going ahead and cheating.  Most women have a difficult time getting over that--------- .  

By the way, when a new relationship starts before the first one ends, they almost always fail.  Statistics show this.  I'm thinking you need to take a break from women to get it together and clear your head.  

And no, you shouldn't stay if you are not happy.  But your girlfriend should be given the option as well and be let in on the secret of how unhappy you are.  

Good luck.  It is hard to be torn between two people--------- I'm told.  But cheating usually isn't the answer.  Gets us more trouble than we bargained for.  Better to break it off and then start dating on the up and up.  

[mami1323]

Wow, that was a pretty messed up thing to do to your girlfriend don't you think?  I don't feel bad for your confusion, you brought it upon yourself.  Is it a totally foreign concept to first end your current relationship first before venturing out and exploring new possibilities with other women.  I think you should let your girlfriend go, she deserves a man who will be honest with her, faithful to her and committed to her.  You have no respect for her and I know how badly she would feel if she knew what you were doing.  Let me just say this, you can't stay with someone because a future looks bright, you have to love them and want to be with them.  I can tell you something also, the grass isn't greener on the other side.  This other relationship is wonderful because it is new and exciting, but one day, it will be as monotonous as the one you are in.  You should work hard at nurturing your current relationship because what will you do when you are 5 years into that other relationship and it isn't fun and exciting anymore?  Will you cheat on her to find that feeling again and again?  I think your girlfriend deserves better than what you are giving her.  Sorry if that is harsh but I have zero tolerance for infidelity.

[s_i_m_0_n]

i must admit the sex with my foreign friend is amazing, its the best i have ever had, with my current girlfriend i jsut dont feel like having sex any more, this started even before i got with the other one.
The foreign girl knows the situation and knows i have a girlfriend.

Me and my gf are going away for two weeks on wednesday, maybe its just what we need but to be honest i know she will want sex, i cant keep comign up with excuses for why i dont want to , i feel if i dont stay with my current girlfriend i am letting everyone down, i wouldnt want to split up with her and then know i have missed out with her.

Then again i dotn want to stay with her if i am not happy.

This is sooo confusing.

¬Si

[kay2486]

it sounds like you've drifted apart, im in the same boat i dont feel the same with my boyf of 6 years and we've got 2 kids so its hard, but they say the grass is greener on the other side well it aint always true, people drift apart fall out of love all the time even after 25 yr together, you dont know why the other girl is into you she may just want one thing sex or money, it will be fun and exciting thats because you're sneaking around, try going away together get the fun back you think you've lost interest in ur grfnd but thats because someone else has caught ur eye you really love ur grfnd deep down dont let the othe girl distract what u have

[DavidY10]

You need to tell your current gf what's going on. the sooner the better