Should I stay with her?

[Utility]

My brother and I were eating at a restaurant and I spotted a beautiful girl. I gestured to my brother to look at her and she noticed that. As my brother and I walked out to my car, she came outside and my brother urged me to approach her, which I did. After a conversation, we exchanged numbers. A week or so passed and we started talking on the phone, and we really hit it off! We went on our 1st date, which was amazing. As we started talking more, she revealed a very tough childhood and really terrible bad experiences. She also admitted to being a stripper in order to support her 1-year old. After I was convinced that she wasn't on drugs, we went out a few times and we started officially dating. We were both spending a ton of time with eachother, she was hanging out at my house alot and we were both ecstatic with the way things were developing. We got in 2 major arguments but each time, we recognized the issues and jumped back in eachother's arms. She is 24 (I am 31) and has been stripping for 4 years and 1 day, as we were sitting, her boss called asking why she hasn't been coming to work, to which she said that she was done. He called a few times urging her to reconsider and she stopped taking his calls. Next thing, her mom texting me curious to know what made her daughter stop and that she's been in relationships before and she never stopped dancing for anyone. She used to make very good money working there. Although her profession bothered me on the inside, I never asked her to stop because I knew what she was doing and still proceeded to date her.
After a few futile attempts to secure a regular job, she could only find a low paying position far from town and since she didn't drive, she had to turn it down. Needless to say that since she was broke, I was mostly paying for everything. She continuously mentions how she feels terrible that she isn't contributing financially and keep promising to pay me back in the future.
We had a major argument and she left my house crying and briefly moved with her sister. She was texting me everyday how much she missed and loved me. Sometimes, when I would text back, I would tell her that now that we broke up, she is free to go back to the strip club and make all that mmoney and be all independant again. She would say that since there's hope that we would get back together, she wouldnt go down there even if she starved. Being without her was unbearable and we worked things out and she happily came back to me. Only this time, she had a laptop and told me something that shocked me: her sister introduced her to webcam modeling, which is doing online shows in exchange for money. As soon as she started, she became an instant hit and is making a ton of money. She seems to really enjoy it. She assured me that she is in it strictly for the money and that it's better than stripping and that she wants to have an income to help pay for stuff. She wants me to be around the living room when she is doing her shows and it makes me very uncomfortable. In essence, guys tip her to talk "dirty" and to perform shows (she doesn't masturbate in front of them) but does nude dancing and some other weird requests (watch her in the bathroom....). I try to act like it doesn't phase me but I'm very uncomfortable with it but I see that she enjoys it alot and also like the money that she makes. She keeps reassuring me that to her, it's not sexual whatsoever and that I am the only 1 that turns her on. Also I must add that since she started, our sex life (which was very good before) has become amazing!
Sometimes, her private conversations with men last for hours and she isn't shy at all in front of me.
I asked hypothetically if I asked her to choose between me and her newfound "job", what would she do? She said that she really really hoped I don't make that ultimatum but if she really had to choose, she would quit the website.
I have strong feelings for her and while this is bothering me and making me "insecure", I also see that she likes it and that it's making her the money she needs till she finds a real job.
Any advice you can provide is welcomed.

[specialmom]

Hi utility--------------  is this the same girl you are writing of in your other post?  I think that when she started making her money with internet sex that we thought there was a pretty serious problem there.  

After remembering your previous posts, I have to question things in your home.  But good luck anyway

[Doplar]

Just my opinion. You might be trying to rescue her. You need to be honest with yourself and answer that question. She on the other hand probably sees you as stability. I am pretty sure she knows you don't care for whats she is doing. I think you'll have never ending issues with this relationship.  

[Utility]

I am not going to go full blast defending her or trying to condone what she is doing otherwise I wouldn't need anyone's opinions, I would just leave. However, to be fair, she isn't money hungry. She has never ever asked me for a penny. If she was to do anything for money, she can be making tons of it to be set for a long time working in the strip club. She did point out that as soon as her daughter comes back, she would tone it down and she does it often now to make as much money till she comes back.
She gets about $400 in child support and as soon as she gets it, I am not allowed to open my wallet until it's gone. She had a 1-week very well paying temporary job when we had a local event at the local arena and as soon as she got her paycheck, she offered to put it in my account. When I refused, she spent half of it buying me stuff, which upset me cause she needs the money for other means.
All your other points are valid.
One of the main problems is that she's talking to several men and they seem to really enjoy her company and so does she. Many times, she would talk to them for hours even when they don't tip her because she says she feels bad for them. I also think she likes it because she gets tons of attention.
Yesterday as i was sitting there all day watching football while she was across the living room doing this, the only 2 questions I asked her all day since she gets alot of the same men in the private "rooms". I asked if it would be natural for her to develop some feelings for them since she spends so much time talking to them and she said no. My second question was how come she looks genuinely more happy and cheerful doing this than when we she is spending time with me. And she said she has to show that kind of personality.
Also, while I try not to be controlling, I asked her yesterday afternoon that I wanted her to stop the rest of the day and spend the evening watching football with me. She immediately said bye to the guy she was chatting with and turned the computer off.
As hard as it's going to be, I am leaning towards ending it all. It's burning me up inside and although I try not to show it, I know she realizes it. I walk everyday with a "sore" heart and that's not healthy.

[specialmom]

Dear.  This woman will do ANYTHING for money, don't kid yourself.  You either pay her way or she'll continue on this path. And when she gets a little stale as she will like the rest of us, she'll have to stoop to even lower levels to make that great money she thinks she needs.  

She may love her child but she can not provide a normal life for her with this lifestyle. Or you.  

Heck, I'd be upset if after a great date----  my husband jumped on email rather than finish the night with me let alone to excite other people on the internet.  Kind of sad, don't you think?  

Your brain needs to take over here.  If she isn't doing anything to get herself in a position to get a 'normal' job--------  she has no plans to get one.  If you want to adopt her kid and be the bread winner, then do it.    

by the way, I think her lifestyle would hinder her ability to have this child living with her.  What if her daughter walks in on one of her 'shows'?  Gross.  

I think you can always wait-------  we can wait for lots of things in life.  We may wait our whole life and waste vasts amounts of time, but yes, you can always wait.  

Sorry.  I do think that I'd see a counselor to find out why you pick inappropriate partners that hinder the life you are seeking.  good luck

[RockRose]

This is your choice,  guy.  

I personally wouldn't consider a sex worker as a serious relationship.  

But it's up to you.  If you do stay with her,  you will forever be out of the "mainstream" of respectable community.

You have to decide how important that is to you.

Also,  it seems you haven't met her baby yet or had to deal with the inconvenience of having a girlfriend who has a child.  If the child does,  in fact,  return to her,  your life around her will change dramatically.

But this is a decision you have to make for yourself.

[Utility]

Thanks for all your responses. Just to make myself clear, she didn't follow me to the parking lot, it was a pure coincidence that we finished dinner at the same time and her mom's car was parked right behind mine.
She sent her daughter to live with her dad for 2 months in another state and it's absolutely devastating her. She has alot to work on as a person but 1 thing is certain to me, the love she has for her daughter is unparalleled and she will be getting her back in another 3 weeks. She said that she is also doing this to make sure she has plenty of money to offer her daughter a great life.
There are 2 different school of thoughts when it comes to this situation. Some say leave her (including family members) and this won't get better and others say be patient if I am in love (which I am).
When we broke up, it was agonizing and I couldn't wait to take her back. Although it will be very hard to do, I am strong enough to part ways if I am convinced that this will lead to heartbreak anyways.
The other issue that bothers me is that she spends most days on this. She recognized this on her own yesterday and suggested we go to the movies, which we did. But as soon as we came back around midnight, she jumped right back onto her computer. Also, as soon as she woke up this morning, she immediately turned on her computer. The other thing that bothers me is that she seems very happy doing this and is having a great time based on her continuous laughs and smiles. In other words, she seems to be having more fun doing this than the time we spend together.
For me, it looks like years of hidden insecurities all surfaced because of this and I am sure it's apparent to her, which is why she would sometimes say,  baby dont worry it's just the internet.
The only thing that kept me going the past few days is as I was driving yesterday, she held my hand and asked if I really wanted to be with her cause she doesn't wanna lose me.

[Londres70]

Hmmm, what's that American saying, "You can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out the girl."  In other words, this girl has "0" interest in changing and you can't change her.  It is obvious she is hooked on the fast money, attention, etc.  

I really don't think she will ever give this up for you.  If she did it probably would be for a very short period of time.  

Doing this until she gets a "good job?"  Hmmmm.....right.  

Find someone you don't have to "mold" into what you want.  It is obviously she doesn't think much about herself doing this.  

[specialmom]

By the way, the best thing you can do for this girl is to encourage her to get some schooling and her driver's liscense.  No reason she shouldn't be able to drive.  Has her child been taken away from her?  I ask because I'm not sure how the child fits into her lifestyle.  

[specialmom]

I'd walk away.  I don't think any self respecting man would condone a significant other making her living this way.  If you have an alternative lifestyle yourself------- then maybe this could work.  Otherwise, this woman has presented you with two options------------  take care of her finances or she will use her body.  

I hold the person I am with to high standards.  I believe we must choose wisely when it comes to longterm partners.  You've written before about how much you want to be in a relationship.  Well, let me tell you------ something was wrong when she followed you out to the parking lot because you noticed her.  That is not common behavior.  That is someone seeking something.  Damaged people find damaged people. Not to say that you are damaged, but her 'career' is not one that many guys would want in their life---  stripping or web sex that she offers (and yeah, that is exactly what it is).  Making an income from turning other men on is really not desirable to that many guys.  Maybe for a brief fling but not when we are seeking a long term person to be with.

I encourage you to keep looking for a woman that will really meet your needs on every level.  Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear.  I could tell you------- sure, stay with her and hope for the best. But I do see the writing on the wall for what happens next.  Use protection my friend.  

By the way, where is her child while she is in the living room making her cash???

[brice1967]

I've known 2 guys who have had relationships with strippers.  One went well, the other not so good.  The one that went well was full of openness.  This was this girls career (for the time being) and she made incredible money.  Also, my buddy found it a turn on that he was dating a stripper.

The other one, my friend was insecure about his girl being a stripper.  She was more or less naked in front of other men 3-4 nights a week, and although she was making good money, my friend thought she "enjoyed it too much".  He took her being a stripper as being a threat to their relationship.  He was against it, but never said a thing.  Slowly, he became more and more jealous of the time she spent in the club.  He came and watched a few times, and that made it worse.  He could see that she was turning heads on turning on guys and that bothered him.... knowing what the other guys were thinking.

To the best of my knowledge, she was loyal to him and him only, but her career was the end of their relationship.  For her, he was insecure.... for him, she was throwing her career in his face.

The only advice I have for you is to talk this whole thing out.  Let her know exactly how you feel about this, in detail.  Don't hold anything back.  You can let her know that you are a bit jealous and uncomfortable with the career.... but you can also know that you don't want that to be the end of the relationship.  Perhaps you can owrk on it together.  (The fact that she does this current gig in front of you kind of says alot... you can see exactly what she is doing, and if you find it inappropriate, you can say so.).  Good luck

[laroo18]

My advice based on past relationships would be to have patience. Grow with her and her decisions and if you absolutely can't bear her jobs then ask her if she would consider attending college while she still holds that job. She seems like she would do it for u. My last boyfriend wasn't patient with me while I was working, going to school and taking care of my son (not his) and now he still has mixed feelings about us and we haven't been together for couple years now. Be supportive but also don't hold back how u feel about something