Avatar universal

Self esteem and relationship issues - HELP

First of all, thanks for reading this and thanks in advance for your comments and help.
I consider myself a girl with way low self esteem, I don’t know exactly why but I think I’ve grown like this all my life but analyzing my life at this brief moment it isn’t that bad. I'm 24 years old; I'm very independent in a professional & economic way. Already have my BBA and I'm getting 2 masters now, MBA & MMK. I have a job, live with my mom, still in touch with my Dad but I've always, someway, felt lonely until I started dating guys... I've had 2 serious relationships before my actual one. I dated my 1st boyfriend for 4 years and it was a really good relationship until it ended. It ended because we started dating when I was 16 years old and he was just months older than me, as the time passed by, we graduated from school and each one took its own way, started to have problems because we both started to relate in different environments and different people until we broke up. Then I dated my 2nd boyfriend who was 4 years older than me and we dated for 2,6 years. He was a good boyfriend because he used to take care of me a lot, we acted a lot like a really serious couple, he has 2 kids and that’s something I didn’t like but learned, someway somehow, to deal with it (Deal with the fact not the kids... they are amazing kids) but sometime during our relationship I started feeling I needed my space because everything I did (shopping, family dinners, personal stuff) I used to do it with him and I kind of needed my space, so we broke up and spend around 2 years alone. I did go out with some guys but nothing serious and one of these guys is my actual boyfriend now...... I met him through a friend we have in common and by the time I met him he was the type of player guy, dating one and another, nothing serious... He used to have a girlfriend but she cheated on him and he was very in love with her so he was totally messed up when he broke up with her that he became a player and he started to smoke weed a lot. I don’t smoke weed, but when we met we started to hang out a lot and I kind of wanted to get into a relationship with him but he said he didn’t want to, so we stop seeing each other for a couple of months and then he, out of nowhere, showed up and started to talk to me again and it started all over again.. We stayed like this for around 2 months but then I decided to stop seeing him again for the same reason, he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship but he did spent a good time with me and he didn’t want to stop seeing me, but I made the decision so Good bye to him.
After two months, he texted me again... and guessed what? He said he was ready to have something serious with me, that I am really special for him so we became boyfriend and girlfriend. Now we have 2 months in a relationship but I really don’t understand him. He's so different from my ex's and that’s fine but I think that whenever you love someone or you are with someone you are going to try your best for IT to work between each other. Now, we barely see each other, He calls me one or two times a day, He makes plans with his friends and he never lets me know until I call him and ask him what is he up to, he doesn’t have a constant attitude with me. It's like if he gets bored pretty easily from people but it just doesn’t make me any good enough because I know that with his friends he can be really good, call them, text them, etc... But with me, he suddenly stops doing it. I've talked to him about it, and he says he likes being with me but he's not ready to be that type of boyfriend I need. I don’t think he doesn’t love me, I think he's too afraid to get into a serious relationship and get hurt again. Through all this time, I've shown him I don’t want to hurt him, we've known each other for 2 years now and he knows I haven’t made anything to hurt him at all and won’t do it but he just lucks himself and just avoid being that great guy he is "every time" at the beginning.
He smokes weed a lot, he works with his dad in their own construction business, and He’s someone that doesn’t like people to tell him what and how to do things, not even his parents. I don’t like him to smoke weed but I kind of face the fact that he has done it for a long time now that I won’t make him stop doing it.
All these, affects me in such a horrible way, because I spend the whole day at work searching on facebook if he has posted something, looking at whatsapp to see how many times he has been logged in WITHOUT TEXTING ME, I don’t eat because his behavior hurts me it such a huge way that I'm never hungry, first think in the morning I do is check my phone, whatsapp, etc... And a lot of stuff like that... psycho! I know. I want to stop that, and I want to help him to be a better person and a better guy in our relationship. I think I want to make him believe in love again.

What should I do?
4 Responses
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Avatar universal
You know what you want buy you have decided to settle for such a guy! Do you really love him? Do you have issues being alone? How long do you spend with your self between relationships? We all dream of changing men& making them the heaven we want them to be  but thats not possible honey, if he is to change, he has to do it himself.habits die hard. You said you have a low self esteem & if he knows that then probably thats why he treats you that way. You seem insecure by always checking your whatsapp. If a relationship is to work, you need trust & communication but sounds like honey your are not getting any attention from your man and that must feel really awful, if talking can't work it, you have to rethink your decisions. Are you willing to always struggle for it to work out? On building your esteem, takes a few adjustments in your lifestyle, get yourself a new look, as you look in the mirror each say, tell yourself how pretty you look, praise yourself for even the small acheivements, exercise leaves you feeling refreshed, do whatever makes you happy even though it damn sounds selfish. You deserve the best! Hope you work it out eventually.all The best
Helpful - 0
134578 tn?1642048000
I'm sure you've heard the phrase "stringing you along."  You credit his inconstancy to his supposed fear of getting hurt, frankly that is b.s. but he'll be glad to imply it if it hooks girls.  He's just being a noncommittal guy and has you where he wants you.  Time to say goodbye.  Being alone is better than giving away your power to someone who isn't interested in being there for you.
Helpful - 0
3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi Mumax,
I think you can rule out your current b/g as the real thing. When he was out playing the field after you broke up, he could not win over one of the girls he was seeing so he went back to you and accomplished his mission of winning over a girl.
Men do this when they are immature. They have this need to conquer.
I would just keep dating till you find the right person. You might want to add some other type of social activities to meet people as the men you are meeting now are all of the same personality type, so to speak.
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
Honey, you say that you wanted to get in a relationship with him right away.  That he smoked weed and you don't.  That there are differences between the two of you.  

To me, you sound lonely and like he was your band aid.  

Hold to your principles.  If you don't want be with someone that smokes pot, don't be.  Find another guy that better matches what you are looking for.  

I mean this----  it sounds like you can do better.  You've taken the easy route by accepting a guy that doesn't match what you are looking for just because it was convenient or easy.  Don't settle.  good luck
Helpful - 0
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