Sex Question

[HndaGirl84]

So my bf and I have been together 3+ months now.
I have a child from another relationship (whom doesn't see her dad) and he is awesome with her.

My question is...
We have a plan of what we want for the next 3 yrs and we want to be together, get a place, start a family, etc.

I should point out that we dated last year for almost 3 mons as well.

Anyway, he says he wants to wait to have kids, but everytime we have sex, he comes inside me every time.  I don't mind one bit because I do want one more child, but if I get pregnant I don't want to be to blame.  He can always put on a condom.  

Do you think he secretly wants to get pregnant or is he just taking a chance? He is 34 and I am 25.
thanks!

[AHP84]

Of course things are great with him after 3 months, but really?...you're planning a future together in three year's time? You two barely know each other. Not only that, but what about after three years?
You already have a child involved in this, whether or not he's the father. Your child is a part of your life and will have no choice but to go through what you put yourself through. What if he gets you pregnant and then bails out on you for whatever reason? Who's to say he won't? Can you honestly tell yourself after three months that he would commit himself to a family of four if he gets you pregnant? Then you're stuck, brokenhearted and bitter, resentful, and angry at him, your child is abandoned again by a second "father" figure in her life, and a baby is on the way who will probably have a father in its life that's about as present as your first child's father is in her life.
What about marriage? Was that mentioned for the three year mark?

Who cares if he doesn't want to wear a condom. Take control of your own being! Get on the pill/patch or get an IUD or something if he doesn't want to wear a condom. Think with your head, logically about this, instead of with your puppy love emotions.
Sorry, I really don't mean to sound harsh, but I just think the both of you are acting irresponsibly, and things could go horribly wrong before you know it if you don't find a way to get this under control.

[jo929]

You are a single mom, and do not need anymore kids at this time, so please use protection for yourself you do not know enough about this man to have another child, and they are expensive to raise  luck  jo

[sammy73]

Just having sex and then saying "if you get pregenant then so be it" is not really good enough, IMHO.  You should be sure you are in a firm, stable, long-term, committed relationship, before making the commitment to bring into this world another person who you will need to care for for 18 years or more.  It's too big a thing to treat this casually.

In one way, the fact that he is so relaxed about it, is a good sign - it does suggest that he seriously envisages his long-term future as being with you.

But meantime, until you are both sure you actually want to have a child together, start taking the pill or get a coil fitted.

[Judy246]

Hi Hnda,You are aware that unprotected sex results in pregnancies, unwanted pregnancies, abortions, etc. If he does not want to wear a condom and you are waiting for his approval to begin using bc then he is controlling you and the relationship. You don't need anyones permission to do what is right and either protect yourself or practice abstenance.

3 months into a relationship is way too early to become pregnant and both of you are just beginning to get to know each other.

If you become pregnant, he might say one thing know, but what if becomes a whole different person with the reality that a baby has been conceived. He might be happy or he might run for his dear life. You need to do what is best for you and either protect yourself or practice abstenance. I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you make.  Judy

[HndaGirl84]

Well he doesn't want to wear a condom.  Beforehand he was pulling out but now he just cums in me.  And he doesn't say anything about it.  He mentioned BC pills once or twice but that was in the beginning and hasn't said anything about it since.  He told me that if I get pregnant it is what it is...that there are bigger things that would scare him....I don't know?

[Judy246]

I have to agree with mslkpage. You relationship is in the early stages of development and although it's wonderful that you both are looking towards the future, in reality, we don't know what tomorrow holds.

Although during lovemaking, he get caught up in the moment, the consequences can be life changing. Unprotected sex results in pregnancies and all the issues that come with it.  

Some suggestions are to either have a talk with him, protect yourself or have condoms near by for him when he gets caught up in the moment or abstenance.  Judy

[mslkpage]

Wow, where to start. I don't know if he secretly wants kids, but let's not try to read his mind. Instead, go by what he's said about it and wait. 3 months + 3 months does not come out to a long-term committment. You have no idea where this relationship will be 6 or 12 months from now so don't take any chances. What if you do get pg and he does blame you, leaves you, and there you are with another child whose father may or may not be in the picture. Focus on the goals that he does share with you- staying together, getting a place (marriage, anyone?) and then start the family.