Aa
Skinny Jeans
My husband says he does not want me to wear my skinny jeans because men are looking at me like a piece of meat and want to have sex with me. .... When I told him that I did not want him talking to the mother of the "girl" he was trying to help because she wanted to have sex with him he said, "it doesn't matter what she wants. It only matters what I want, and I don't want that?". SO in the same spirit, I say, " "it doesn't matter what those men want. It only matters what I want. .I am wearing my jeans-deal with it".
I also changed my email password. He asked me for it. I said ,. "NO! If you want mine, then give me yours".
He is starting to realize how his behaviors effected the dynamics of our relationship and interaction.
I also saw pics of the girl's mother- aging wrinkle faced witch whose skin is approaching the early stages of leathering- how do you say, "too much sun and toxicity from living near nuclear power plants of her small bucolic town.
I also changed my email password. He asked me for it. I said ,. "NO! If you want mine, then give me yours".
He is starting to realize how his behaviors effected the dynamics of our relationship and interaction.
I also saw pics of the girl's mother- aging wrinkle faced witch whose skin is approaching the early stages of leathering- how do you say, "too much sun and toxicity from living near nuclear power plants of her small bucolic town.
i dont think i like the sound of this woman either, i dont think talking to them to say hi is a problem but talking to your husband about her sex life is over stepping the line in my eyes,
if they have known each other for years and are just close friends then id say nothing of it, and if they knew they were just friends and nothing was to become it then i would be ok.
as for your skinny jeans, you can wear what the hell you like, who does he think he is telling you what to wear? most men like their women to look nice for them,
what does he expect you to wear?
does he want you to dress like her?
he thinks its ok for him to talk to another woman but you cant dress like you want, id say hes turning into a control freak and id demand he stayed away from the woman from now or id walk.
if my boyf did this id be suspicious anyone would
do you still love him or are your feelings dying?
if they have known each other for years and are just close friends then id say nothing of it, and if they knew they were just friends and nothing was to become it then i would be ok.
as for your skinny jeans, you can wear what the hell you like, who does he think he is telling you what to wear? most men like their women to look nice for them,
what does he expect you to wear?
does he want you to dress like her?
he thinks its ok for him to talk to another woman but you cant dress like you want, id say hes turning into a control freak and id demand he stayed away from the woman from now or id walk.
if my boyf did this id be suspicious anyone would
do you still love him or are your feelings dying?
Don't get me wrong. I love him, but I am going to be more of my own person from now on. I am taking back my autonomy. I not going to be so naive.. I will never allow this to happen to me again. IF it does, I know how to deal with the situation. I am dealing with it now. It is a new me.
Well yes things are moving in the right direction, but I can definitely say that my heart is less attached. He let someone come between us. He choose this. I am not going to love him more than he loves me anymore. I am not going to selflessly sacrifice myself anymore. I give what I will get.
I am open to new experiences now. It doesn't matter as much to me what he thinks. I will do what I want with very little regard to what he thinks. I say 20% regard to him. The remaining 80% is all me-what I think goes. He asked for it. He made his bed and he can wallow in it.
I am open to new experiences now. It doesn't matter as much to me what he thinks. I will do what I want with very little regard to what he thinks. I say 20% regard to him. The remaining 80% is all me-what I think goes. He asked for it. He made his bed and he can wallow in it.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well that is true Passion. Sounds like boundaries were over stepped most definately.
I didn't know if the mother and your husband knew each other before, if he was interested in the daughter, mother or both? It is certainly confusing. And why the sense of reponsibility? Is it just a heritage thing?
My rule of thumb in marriage is that no other person may interfere and if they do, they are removed from the picture.
Things are moving in the right direction but hopefully it is not all too late for you to go back. Your heart sounds like it is already gone. Wishing you the best Passionflower.
I didn't know if the mother and your husband knew each other before, if he was interested in the daughter, mother or both? It is certainly confusing. And why the sense of reponsibility? Is it just a heritage thing?
My rule of thumb in marriage is that no other person may interfere and if they do, they are removed from the picture.
Things are moving in the right direction but hopefully it is not all too late for you to go back. Your heart sounds like it is already gone. Wishing you the best Passionflower.
The mother is 43. The daughter is 23. My husband is 44. I am 31.
The connection is just that he wants to help a person in need. They are all Turkish. So he wants to help the poor Turkish girl with the horny mother- that is the connection. He feels a sense of responsibility.
If you are trying to understand, imagine how I feel. Clearly it is more than him wanting to help. He actually considers them friends. When clinicians or "normal" good samaritans help, they keep a healthy distance. They don't allow those they help interfere in their lives.
PF09
The connection is just that he wants to help a person in need. They are all Turkish. So he wants to help the poor Turkish girl with the horny mother- that is the connection. He feels a sense of responsibility.
If you are trying to understand, imagine how I feel. Clearly it is more than him wanting to help. He actually considers them friends. When clinicians or "normal" good samaritans help, they keep a healthy distance. They don't allow those they help interfere in their lives.
PF09
COMMUNITY LEADER
Okay, still trying to understand. What is the age of the girl and what is the age of the mother? What is the connection between your husband and them?
Thanks penswriter , I am going to keep wearing my skinny jeans.
Now he is starting to understand, that I can exercise the same level of autonomy that he has been abusing.
PassionFlower
Now he is starting to understand, that I can exercise the same level of autonomy that he has been abusing.
PassionFlower
He claims he doesn't talk to these people any more, but Only he and Gods knows if that is true. .
I am not worried anymore about his therapy. I am only taking care of myself. IF I get well and leave, then so be it. It was his choice.
I am not worried anymore about his therapy. I am only taking care of myself. IF I get well and leave, then so be it. It was his choice.
He doesn't want to give me his passwords. So I am not giving mine and I am not giving a rat's a$$ about his feelings anymore.
Hey Special,
You see, we started helping the daughter. Notice I say "we" started. Then my husband started acting like he was having an affair and being protective of this girl against me. Soon he completely removed me from the "we". He started lying, sending secrete emails to this girl and her mother, and having meetings.
Naturally, the mother wants to know "who are these people my daughter is contacting". So That was ok at first. Then she started telling my husband things like: her husband doesn't touch her anymore, and he doesn't have sex with her, and she is looking for a divorce lawyer. She invited us out to celebrate her child's B-day. I called her and said we can't come-thanks for the invite B******ch. Then she calls my husband having a fit as if she is his wife. So. I became known as the "jealous" wife. The ***** kept calling my husband asking, if he could talk and etc.
The girl was calling too. She would never talk to me, and was not very nice to me. I never had a problem helping people. I just had a problem with how my husband's interaction changed as a result of his involvement with those people.
You see, we started helping the daughter. Notice I say "we" started. Then my husband started acting like he was having an affair and being protective of this girl against me. Soon he completely removed me from the "we". He started lying, sending secrete emails to this girl and her mother, and having meetings.
Naturally, the mother wants to know "who are these people my daughter is contacting". So That was ok at first. Then she started telling my husband things like: her husband doesn't touch her anymore, and he doesn't have sex with her, and she is looking for a divorce lawyer. She invited us out to celebrate her child's B-day. I called her and said we can't come-thanks for the invite B******ch. Then she calls my husband having a fit as if she is his wife. So. I became known as the "jealous" wife. The ***** kept calling my husband asking, if he could talk and etc.
The girl was calling too. She would never talk to me, and was not very nice to me. I never had a problem helping people. I just had a problem with how my husband's interaction changed as a result of his involvement with those people.
Keep wearing those skinny jeans! He doesn't have the right to tell you what to wear b/c he doesn't like it. Like you said (well him originally) it doesn't matter what men want. Just what you want and you want to wear your jeans.
Like special mom said you really should have his passwords and he really should not have any contact with those people AT ALL.
Like special mom said you really should have his passwords and he really should not have any contact with those people AT ALL.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi Passionflower. I think you should have the password to his email account. I think you can wear your skinny jeans if you want to. I think that . . . oh hon, it just doesn't sound good. There is still so much bitterness and anger which is understandable but unless you two work on getting out of that place, it will kill the relationship.
Have you done the solo therapy for yourself to deal with your emotions about it all? I was hoping that you two could see a therapist together but sounds like that isn't happening.
I still believe it is reasonable for you to insist that ALL contact with the girl and her mother (I thought it was the girl that he had an affair with. Is the girl his daughter and the mother an ex? I'm confused.).
And I'd consider the contract idea. What is of value to him------ your home, the savings account, a prized boat? Have a legal document drawn up that if he cheats . . . it is yours. You'll get an idea of his intentions if he balks at signing it. And he loses something he values and you gain something if he screws up everything again and cheats. Just an idea.
Hang in there.
Have you done the solo therapy for yourself to deal with your emotions about it all? I was hoping that you two could see a therapist together but sounds like that isn't happening.
I still believe it is reasonable for you to insist that ALL contact with the girl and her mother (I thought it was the girl that he had an affair with. Is the girl his daughter and the mother an ex? I'm confused.).
And I'd consider the contract idea. What is of value to him------ your home, the savings account, a prized boat? Have a legal document drawn up that if he cheats . . . it is yours. You'll get an idea of his intentions if he balks at signing it. And he loses something he values and you gain something if he screws up everything again and cheats. Just an idea.
Hang in there.
When I say the mother is aging, I just mean she is aging badly. We all age,but some worse-much worse than others.
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