Step daughter and father relationship

[aspengold]

My second husband of 10 years will take his adult 29 year old daughter out for dinner, however, when he does they do the same things we do together.  Last night, for example he took her to our favorite fine dining restaurant, sat at the bar and shared food and bottle of wine, exactly the way we like to spend time together, when he told me of his evening it sounded like my favorite thing to do with him.  When I am not in town he will take her out and spend evenings out exactly like we do.  My husband and I always think of this as our special place together as a sortof date night out.  When I am not in town he will call his daughter and take her out in my place doing exactly the same things that we enjoy doing together.  This Christmas he bought her very expensive earrings from my favorite jewelery store where his also got me a christmas present and has for many years. He thinks i am jealous, I think there is something very strange about the situation and he is taking the special times we have together and making them special with his adult daughter.  I don't know how to handle this, i am confused, what should I do?

[M1sh77]

I think you are creating a problem where none exists.  So what if the evening they spend together is IDENTICAL to the one you spend with him!  Lots of people enjoy the same types of restaurants, menu items, and wine!  Are they inappropriately touching one another?  If not, then where is the problem?  I have been a stepmother for 30 years. Is your stepdaughter courteous to you? Is she respectful of the relationship between yourself and your husband?  If so, the problem is not her.  Does your husband treat you lovingly and with respect?  If so, the problem is not in your marriage, or him.  Perhaps your insecurity is within yourself.  You may benefit from deep introspection and/or counseling.  The situation you describe is not problematic.  

[aonemore]

I dated a man for a short time but he could not make me part of his stepdaughter life, 5 years after his wife died. This was a brief relationship with him but I did care for him. When he told his daughter that after 5 yrs he was wanting to date she told him "Ï am your date". When he had to go out of town for work, she had to go with him. I asked him if I could go, he started back paddling. I saw that I had no place as long as the 19 years old stepdaughter was living with him.
Words was said and he is not speaking to me and may never will again. Words hurt and I feel as if there was no room for me in his life. I told him what I thought and it was pretty salty. He has been told about the strange relationship from others but he is committed to taking care of her.

[specialmom]

Please ask your own questions on your own threads.  This particular question has an hourglass by it which is med helps way of suggesting it is an older thread.  Often people miss those and find themselves writing to someone that is no longer here.  

So, please ask your own questions.  thank you.  You can do that by going to the top of this page and hitting 'ask a question"

[crissycarib]

I understand you.

It is no longer special. It has stopped being the "our thing" and has started being the "his thing."
It's nice having that one thing --that special thing.

I think your feeling a little bit of a loss and a hint of jealously,  which is understandable.  

He doesnt think of *special the way you think of special. You should find your own thing and find your own special :)

[mariam804]

What you are needing from your husband is for him to make you feel unique and special. That's not unreasonable or jealous.  It's normal.  He needs to separate his romantic relationship with you from his platonic daughter one.  To achieve this, wording is everything.  Don't accuse him of a strange relationship with his daughter.  Instead express your desire for a more intimate, unique one with you.  Ignore these other meanies.  Every woman wants to feel special.  Good luck!

[Kayannaboo]

I think I see your point and the truth of the matter is that you are insecure in your marriage and insecure in yourself to a great extent. Think about how you view yourself, think about how you believe your husband views you (physically, emotionally, sexually) is it good? I don't really believe so. I wonder if it is because of the negative view you have of yourself, you believe that your husband would much rather be with anyone who is not you? Be honest. His daughter is 29 years, she is a grown woman which means she enjoys "grown folks" activities such as nice restaurants, alcohol etc. There is no way that your husband could take his 29 year old to chucky cheese. And he certainly could not have bought her a Justin Beiber CD for Christmas. My uncle buys jewellery for his daughter at the same store he buys for my aunt. Its called killing two birds with one stone.

You are reading terribly and unneccesarily wrong into the situation and kind of just taking the frustrations you feel within on the father/daughter relationship you see presented. You are threading on dangerous grounds. You are jealous of the relationship your husband has with his daughter. I suggest you speak to someone professionally who can assist you in this.

All the best

xoxoxo Anna