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Suicidal Tendencies...
I need to give you guys some background on this situation before i tell it in its entirety.
I've been involved with a girl for about a year now (quite a serious relationship actually). We recently got into an arguement because she kept coming up short on rent due to not working enough. The result was her moving out. At the same time, I went to Wyoming for the funeral of my 13-year old cousin (It was a tragedy...) Now, with that in mind, I was pretty upset to begin with. We argued while I was gone for three days and when I came back I thought the only way to solve this is to talk face to face. When I first saw her, she was reading a text from a dude named Charles. (???) She tells me how she loves me and how she wants to get back together and everything was great. We had makeup sex, I made lunch and we just hung out until she left. Later on, I ask her who this dude is and she told me she ****** her co-worker the night I left. Naturally, we start arguing and yelling over the phone and the cops get called to my apartment. They make sure everything is ok and are heading out the door when she sends a text saying "I just took 30 Xanax. I hope to never see you again" I bolted out the door in my socks and grabbed the guys and told them what had just happened. Now, my girlfriend does indeed have these kind of pills and I took her quite seriously as did the police so they went to her house, determined that she had in fact taken the pills, and took her to the hospital. I arrived there and I saw her father. He looked at me with FIRE in his eyes saying, "So what can you tell me about this?" I explained what had happened and as I was doing so her mom and stepdad entered. The policeman tells us we can't see her because she doesn't want to so I tell her parents goodbye, who were grateful of me for calling them and the police and trying to do the right thing (I'm still not sure if I did), and I left. Now I am sitting here in my empty apartment trying to figure out how I can withdraw from this sickened relationship without making myself the culprit of her sorrows. I know that it's not within my control but I can't live with someone killing themself in my name. She is in the ER for the night and I don't know what is going to happen once they let her out. I can't stay in this relationship anymore but I can't contribute to her mania. What am I supposed to do!?
I've been involved with a girl for about a year now (quite a serious relationship actually). We recently got into an arguement because she kept coming up short on rent due to not working enough. The result was her moving out. At the same time, I went to Wyoming for the funeral of my 13-year old cousin (It was a tragedy...) Now, with that in mind, I was pretty upset to begin with. We argued while I was gone for three days and when I came back I thought the only way to solve this is to talk face to face. When I first saw her, she was reading a text from a dude named Charles. (???) She tells me how she loves me and how she wants to get back together and everything was great. We had makeup sex, I made lunch and we just hung out until she left. Later on, I ask her who this dude is and she told me she ****** her co-worker the night I left. Naturally, we start arguing and yelling over the phone and the cops get called to my apartment. They make sure everything is ok and are heading out the door when she sends a text saying "I just took 30 Xanax. I hope to never see you again" I bolted out the door in my socks and grabbed the guys and told them what had just happened. Now, my girlfriend does indeed have these kind of pills and I took her quite seriously as did the police so they went to her house, determined that she had in fact taken the pills, and took her to the hospital. I arrived there and I saw her father. He looked at me with FIRE in his eyes saying, "So what can you tell me about this?" I explained what had happened and as I was doing so her mom and stepdad entered. The policeman tells us we can't see her because she doesn't want to so I tell her parents goodbye, who were grateful of me for calling them and the police and trying to do the right thing (I'm still not sure if I did), and I left. Now I am sitting here in my empty apartment trying to figure out how I can withdraw from this sickened relationship without making myself the culprit of her sorrows. I know that it's not within my control but I can't live with someone killing themself in my name. She is in the ER for the night and I don't know what is going to happen once they let her out. I can't stay in this relationship anymore but I can't contribute to her mania. What am I supposed to do!?
Your no responsible for her actions. Her attempting suicide had little to do with you and more to do with what is going on with her and in her life.
Even if she is saying you triggered her attempt it's not true...she had these feelings long before you came around and you just became her excuse for attempting to do what she's wanted to do.
People don't suddenly decide to kill themselves after a fight with their BF/GF, there is always other issues going on and the fight only gives people the reason when they get into such an emotional state. Sometimes those who are suicidal want to make an attempt but don't because they're afraid to and so use a highly emotional situation where they are so distraught to make that attempt.
But you had nothing to do with her emotional state after the fight...She obviously had no ability to control her emotions at that time and they became out of control because of her "stuff" not what you did. When emotions don't match the situation in severity or lack there of..other issues are being brought up in her own mind. Like for instance...if you told her you couldn't go out tonight and she started crying and having some sort of breakdown obviously her reaction wouldn't match the situation and something else is going on that's bringing her to that point.
If I were you I would gently explain to her that you don't think it's a good idea if you continue seeing one another. That you want her to get help and be healthy because you do care about her but that right now you don't think you would be able to give her the support she needs and that would be unfair to her.
Which is true...she needs some help to work throughthese issues she has going on and from what you have said you are unable to give her the support she needs to get better. And that's completely understandable. You shouldn't have to stay just because your afraid of what action she might take. It wouldn't be fair to either of you.
If she chooses to take action again, it has nothing to do with you. She may have a fear of abandonment(it's what it sounds like to me) where the thought of anyone leaving her send her into a panic. But if it wasn't you it would be someone else. So it's not your fault at all. Her issues and her issues and aren't caused by you.
But I do disagree with RR(sorry). I think your girlfriend (ex?) has alot of issues going on and may have some problems that you don't know about. She did attempt to commit suicide by taking all those pills and may have messaged you because she regreted it and was crying out for help. Many people who attempt to kill themselves end up realizing it was a bad idea after they have taken the pills or done whatevere else they did. She was angry with you but still may have realized she didn't want to die and knew you would get her help as quickly as you could.
People who want to reak havoc in that way usually only threaten suicide..they don't actually attempt it because they really don't want to die, they just want get the other person attention and make them feel guilty.
She took the pills and knew full well that she could have died had she not Texted you or you didn't get help in time. She probably did call you because she was angry but that doesn't mean she was really trying to make you feel guilty. It sounds more like a cry for help...a really big cry for help.
I hope everything works out. Good Luck and don't take on her issues as your responsibility. They were there long before you abd they'll be there after if she doesn't get the help she needs.
Even if she is saying you triggered her attempt it's not true...she had these feelings long before you came around and you just became her excuse for attempting to do what she's wanted to do.
People don't suddenly decide to kill themselves after a fight with their BF/GF, there is always other issues going on and the fight only gives people the reason when they get into such an emotional state. Sometimes those who are suicidal want to make an attempt but don't because they're afraid to and so use a highly emotional situation where they are so distraught to make that attempt.
But you had nothing to do with her emotional state after the fight...She obviously had no ability to control her emotions at that time and they became out of control because of her "stuff" not what you did. When emotions don't match the situation in severity or lack there of..other issues are being brought up in her own mind. Like for instance...if you told her you couldn't go out tonight and she started crying and having some sort of breakdown obviously her reaction wouldn't match the situation and something else is going on that's bringing her to that point.
If I were you I would gently explain to her that you don't think it's a good idea if you continue seeing one another. That you want her to get help and be healthy because you do care about her but that right now you don't think you would be able to give her the support she needs and that would be unfair to her.
Which is true...she needs some help to work throughthese issues she has going on and from what you have said you are unable to give her the support she needs to get better. And that's completely understandable. You shouldn't have to stay just because your afraid of what action she might take. It wouldn't be fair to either of you.
If she chooses to take action again, it has nothing to do with you. She may have a fear of abandonment(it's what it sounds like to me) where the thought of anyone leaving her send her into a panic. But if it wasn't you it would be someone else. So it's not your fault at all. Her issues and her issues and aren't caused by you.
But I do disagree with RR(sorry). I think your girlfriend (ex?) has alot of issues going on and may have some problems that you don't know about. She did attempt to commit suicide by taking all those pills and may have messaged you because she regreted it and was crying out for help. Many people who attempt to kill themselves end up realizing it was a bad idea after they have taken the pills or done whatevere else they did. She was angry with you but still may have realized she didn't want to die and knew you would get her help as quickly as you could.
People who want to reak havoc in that way usually only threaten suicide..they don't actually attempt it because they really don't want to die, they just want get the other person attention and make them feel guilty.
She took the pills and knew full well that she could have died had she not Texted you or you didn't get help in time. She probably did call you because she was angry but that doesn't mean she was really trying to make you feel guilty. It sounds more like a cry for help...a really big cry for help.
I hope everything works out. Good Luck and don't take on her issues as your responsibility. They were there long before you abd they'll be there after if she doesn't get the help she needs.
You are right, you are not responsible for her happiness. Happiness is the responsibility of each individual. The question becomes how can you follow the path that honors yourself while also empowering her.
What has happened since you posted this message?
What has happened since you posted this message?
I think you're smart to get out. If she wanted to kill herself, she would have. As it is, what she wanted to do is cause havoc for you.
Best wishes. I hope she has some perspective now.
Best wishes. I hope she has some perspective now.
I am sorry you are going through this, but It sounds like she has destructive behavior and she needs help. Honesty is best but she needs to figure out for herself what is going on, and let her know you can't save her, she needs to save herself. In the hospital, she will probably see a social worker before she is discharged, she needs to follow up with that. I suggest she can also go for a psych evaluation. She may be experiencing depression or psychotic breakdown. But as for you, let her know you will be there in her corner, but she needs to work on herself. be supportive but do not take on the roll of taking care of her.. if you do.... you will get stuck and spiral down with her. Best of luck to you..
Wow, you went through a lot! I'm very sorry for you. I think you did the right thing in calling the police and her parents. Even if you were in a heated argument, even if you yelled at her whatever you did because you were upset (and you had every reason to be) it's not your fault that she did what she did. She has problems that she needs to seek help for. Did you tell her parents that the argument was because she slept with someone else? I'm sure they are very grateful to you; you probably saved her life! Have a serious talk with her if you need to after she gets out of the hospital. Tell her to please be mature and listen. Tell her how you feel about not wanting to continue in the relationship and you don't want to feel the responsibility of something happening to her. It is her choice to do whateve she does. Tell her you understand that it's not your fault, but you don't want to deal with it. Break up and wish her a good healthy life. Tell her to get help, but don't let her guilt you into staying if you don't want to. Good luck.
i am so very sorry that you are going through this. i think honesty is the best policy...gentle honesty. tell her how you feel. her sorrow and problems run a lot deeper than you two and your relationship. at least her parents are aware of what is going on with her. this is not your fault and it is not your responsibility to save her from herself...she needs to seek the help that she needs. i hope that everything goes ok and please know i will keep you and what is going on in my prayers!! best of luck!!
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