The UK clause...

[twinkly84]

Hey,

I've been to the UK now, several times particularly, I've been to Manchester & Liverpool 10x each. I love literally love, those places. I am flying over on October 7, to visit them & to go to Scotland (a couple of cities). I'm anticipating this trip b/c of the intensity, length & tours we'll be enduring (my male roommate is coming w/me).

However, my brothers all feel I have my head in the clouds. Here's why. I really, really want to meet a nice man from there & move there. Period. I have even looked at property in one city in particular. I looked over my financial portfolio to see where'd I be if I left my job even b/c I met someone from there & moved. My brothers all feel I'm just nuts & have my head in the clouds.

I'd like to ask a couple of questions then, relating to this:

1) Is this an "impossible dream"?
2) Do I truly have my head in the clouds? I mean, I haven't had a bf in years (same goes for sex) & never been married/no kids b/c I work  A LOT to go to these trips, attend other hobbies & I've been on eharmony/match/americansingles, etc. and have NOT found or met anyone that has been waiting for my heart.
Trust me, no-one is pining or crying for my heart.
3) Should I just get the plans together & try to do this myself & forget a man?
4) What websites can anyone recommend on meeting a man from the UK (links please)?

Thank you for your thoughts & insights in advance!

[specialmom]

Yes, your life sounds good.  The issues you mention are all of the asthetic and shouldn't be the deciding factor in finding love.  There are men out there who look to the woman underneath (and frankly, hair and clothing can be changed) in assessing the choice of who to spend time with.  The timeless charactistics of beauty that are world wide------  are one way of looking at someone.  Many many many do not match up to those standards and are able to find someone.  Hon, could there be anything else going on with you that makes meeting people difficult?  Some vibe you give off that you should explore???  I gave one off for a while myself that I worked on.  I also looked for a certain kind of man rather than what I had been looking at as ideal for a long time.  Anything like that going on for you?

[twinkly84]

I just wanted again to reiterate my thanks for the posts.

I am going back at the end of this year, for 2 cities I'll be visiting, it's going to be my 13th time to both.

I am not expecting or anticipating anything but, I my friends that live there, will be setting me up with a few men. I am not as stated, expecting anything.

I want to state too, my career, education, family status, homelife, etc. is all very positive for which I'm totally grateful for.

I just feel that b/c I'm overweight & not very facially attractive (not to mention my clothes/hair could be a bit better), I have had a very, very hard time in the dating world. That's all. I do not have any weird underlying issues.

I wish everyone on this forum good luck in their lives & if I do not get married or have a great man love me even in a partnership, at least then I can say my life is good w/ all of the aspects of it.

Cheers.

[Londres70]

Will agree with Specialmom.  

If two years have gone by and your are in the SAME predicament that speaks volumes to me.  

Recommend sorting this out with a therapist.  

[specialmom]

As you ask about going to the UK a year or two later, I still have the same things to say about it.  I think you are desperately seeking a relationship and simply venue won't change issues you have with it.  Have you been to a therapist to seek out what could be going on under the surface to prevent you from connecting with men?

[twinkly84]

Hello,
I posted here before but, I'm back again b/c even though I'm a member of several band forums (thinking I'd meet another fan & we would then communicate), I'd like to ask 2 questions:

1) What do I type as a search? I am an American woman seeking a SWM, from the UK? What words do I search? Any sites specifically catered toward this? I am a member of www.datebritishguys.com but, nothing is going on there.

2) Should I just give-up meeting someone at my old age of 38? Is my head stuck-in the clouds? I have travelled to the UK a total of 12 times to all 4 countries. I am going back this November.

Thanks for your help in advance.

[twinkly84]

@ Jennifer:

Thanks for totally understanding me. I'm not a big-city person either. I have been looking at properties, positions & other things over there. It is interesting how some cultures favor you more than others.

Cheers & good luck to you,
E.

[teko]

I can only say that you have but one life. Follow your dream, if you get there and change your mind, you can always come back. You will meet a man, when the time is right. I say go for it! Personally, I so do not trust websites. Just learn to talk to people when you are out and about, enjoy the company and let things go at their own pace. You simply cannot force these things.

[Jennifer1987]

Also I might add, in my eperience in Alaska, I found dating to be very different!!!!!!!!!! I dont know how to explain it but I dated a fella in Alaska for a while and it was different from the fellas I dated here in Ireland.... It must be a cultural thing or somethin.... I guess English/Irish guys could be a lot alike, I just found it different....

[Jennifer1987]

Im from County Kerry, the west of the country....  Ireland is a real beautiful place,  loads to do for tourists but unfortunately the economy just $ucks at the moment. I am a college graduate and cant find a job :-(.

I am glad to hear you have friends over there, that is where you should start.  Contact them tell them you hope to move there.... Im sure they would love to help!!!  I think sorting out a job and a place to live should be top of your list! Once your settled in Im sure you'll meet nice men and who knows maybe one you will marry....

I know what you mean by saying you love the culture etc... I am a county girl, hate big cities, they are to busy and loud for me, where i live Im about an hour and a half drive from the nearest city... I prefer my little town lol...... I went to Indiana for a few days to a friend and it was just beautiful!!!! Kinda country to lol... loved it.... did not want to leave at all!!!  So i totally understand your desire to go to a plcae you love..  And why not??? If you want to, then go for it... Just donr base it around finding a man.. Enjoy it, everything will fall into place when you settle there!!!

[twinkly84]

Oh, I should've stated, I do have a few friends in Manchester City Center & Liverpool City Center. I do have some good friends in Woolton Village (where I want to move) & Runcorn. Plus, those people I told you all about in London (Bromley).

I would not move there to "find" a man or marry a man. I guess I should've explained it further. I want to move there b/c I just love the style, history, people, music, culture, etc.

Jennifer: Hi, btw. I have a good friend in Walkinstown Dublin. I stayed w/her in 2006. It was a terrific trip, she, my roommate (a male) & myself went all over Galway, Sligo, Avoca, etc. It was a terrific trip. I hope your dream surely comes true too!

[Jennifer1987]

Im from Ireland, right next to the UK, been there a few times and liked it... But no enough to move there.. But I do knw what you are feeling as I am hoping to move to America nin the future. I spent 3 months there for the summer, in Alaska... I loved Alaska but feel I would not cope during the winter months with the snow and darkness... I am however lookin at a few places I would know people and have some support!! Im not going to look for a man, that is just not on my agenda at the moment... Specialmom  is right, going just for a man or to be married is not the right wy to go abut it..

Would you know anybody there?? friends... I think you should find some support from there before you make the move, otherwise you could end up really lonely!!!!!  Unfortunately you cant just find a man, marry and move, it doesnt work that way....

Good Luck!!

[specialmom]

Well, dream away.  Fantasies are great!  I enjoy all of mine emensly.  

But I have to ask you why you have so much trouble dating where you are?   Do you give off a vibe that turns men off, do you try to hard, do you picture every man that looks your way as your future husband, are you attracted to the wrong types?  Have you done some soul searching as to what the problem is?  Honestly, dating is pretty much the same world wide . . . Other countries are more known for flirtatious men but that does not mean they are desiring marriage.   So I am just afraid if you haven't thought about why things have gone so wrong where you live now, it will end up being the same old thing.  

Not trying to burst your bubble . . . dream away.

I do have a friend that moved to "meet men".  She had spent a weekend in Chicago which is known as a "great dating" city.  Men ask women out a lot there . . . or so it seems when you visit.  And she experience this on a weekend trip.  Well, she packed up and moved.  Three years ago.  Still single.  

So I think it is fine to try and hey, if you want to explore the world and live somewhere else-----------  I say go for it.  But I would work on the vibe you give off.  Go for the "I'm adventurous" vibe vs. a "I need to find a man" vibe.  It will be more attractive to men.  

I hope it all works out for you.  Dreams are good but chasing a dream is hard.  good luck

[twinkly84]

Has anyone here either met up w/ someone from another country & it 'worked' out? Or, has someone here ever just wanted to move, start a new life to a place that you've been to several times & you felt like you "fit-in"?

What about giving up your job, family, friends, interests? Say that, none of those things are currently "happening" no matter how much you've tried? This goes for too, meeting someone, you've exhausted all options & you're at a dead-end.

That's SO what I feel about my plan to either retire or move there. I just feel like I have done so many things relating to meeting a great man & put myself out in uncomfortable places too. Then, I've done the opposite end of the spectrum & still nothing (I mean, I totally prayed about it, let it go to God & surrendered, yet, nothing).

I am not coping out. I just feel the love & passion I have when I travel over there. I had a really good friend meet a man from London on a website, they talked forever on the phone & Internet (IMing). He paid for 4 flights for her to decide & check things out.

She & him did have a few obstacles:  her obtaining a Visa, getting the money to ship & pay for all of her belongings & saying goodbye to everyone, leaving her job (which she hated anyway) but, in the end & the long-run, she's happily married, has 2 healthy children & doesn't have to work (yet, wants to but, she is happy being a stay-at-home Mom/housewife now). She had a great job in goverment as I do so, I just feel if she can do it, so can I? My family all tell me to go for it. I don't have a mortgage, kids or anyone tying me down here.

Why can't I? I mean, I've read several success stories relating to this. I just don't see what the hype about is against it.

I hope that, I meet someone very much so next month yet, I have checked properities & prices, taxes in the area I'd like to retire too once I do. I have done some investigation work concerning my Visa, work permit, etc.

The only other obstacle I have is finding sites out here related to American women meeting someone from over there. Any suggestions? I have tried doing numerous searches in Google concerning websites for such things & I haven't really found anything of interest.

Anyone here know of someone who did this too that could share their experiences? Thanks & I will keep dreaming, no matter how illogical, silly those dreams sound.

[AnnieBrooke]

Go if you want to live there but not to find a man.  Do your homework about costs and taxes, and have a job there before you go.  If you like the British vibe but the U.K. is too expensive, look into Australia or New Zealand.  Even Jamaica is very reminiscent of Britain in a lot of ways.

[specialmom]

Oh my.  Well, I can certainly relate to loving a location and wanting to live there. I'm quite fond of the UK myself and probably loved Scotland better than anywhere I've visited.  So much rich history and beauty.  

However, what you propose is not a good idea.  At all.  If you wrote that you were an independent woman who wanted to follow your dream to move and pursue a career elsewhere . . . well, I'd buy that.

But your idea of meeting a man, marrying and then moving there is . . . well, head in the clouds.  Marriage doesn't work that way.  That is the equivalent of lonely American men  gong through a book of "Russian" (that is the cliche, at this point) and marrying someone just to have a wife.  Rarely does a real relationship come from this.  So, yes-------- forget that part of the plan.  If it were as easy as just deciding that we want to meet the perfect  man and marry . . . well, this forum would be empty.  

So, forget the man.  I don't know what kind of job you are looking for but I'd consider where your finances lie and how you would work a move.  I would not go unless you have some type of employment lined up.  Check into tax issues and legal issues as you would then be an immigrant.  What are the legalities of this where you want to live?  So figure out the practical things first and then see if it is a possibility.  

And maybe while you are there living YOUR life, you'll meet a man to fill in the gaps.  I hope it all happens for you but don't try to force the man part or you could wind up miserable.  I've seen that happen before.  Good luck