Aa
Time & Space
I am in my second marriage after a first marriage of 21 years, and a break in between of over five years. During that break, I dated sporadically, having one nine month relationship after being legally separated for three months. That relationship, while disastrous because the woman I was with had severe alcohol & prescription drug abuse issues, opened my eyes sexually. I learned that sex can be very pleasurable, and it's okay to explore. After that relationship terminated, my decision, I met other women, primarily on-line. I didn't particularly like the thought of "picking up" women in bars, so the internet provided what I thought was an easier way of screening potential dates. It worked pretty well, and I met normal women, who enjoyed being intimate with me.
However, none of these women were interested in committed relationships, so I decided to use one of the dating websites specifically aimed at developing committed relationships. I meant a very nice woman who was all the things I was seeking in a woman; intelligent, attractive, well-spoken, fun, and caring. We began dating, and all seemed to be going well. She had abstained from sex for some four plus years before meeting me. I agreed to be tested for STD's as I was up front with her about my sexual experiences since being separated. I checked out completely clean, and we had a satisfactory sex life.
We married 2 1/2 years ago, and almost from the time we became engaged, about 3 1/2 years ago, our sex life began to diminish down to the point where we've had sex only three times in the last year. It was like going from 75 miles an hour to 15. I have brought the issue up with my wife multiple times during our marriage, advising her that I love sex, and want more with her. From what I have read, most women would be glad that their husbands want & desire them. My wife has simply said that she knows her desire has diminished greatly, and she doesn't know why. After one of my efforts to discuss this with her, she did talk to her doctor about her lack of sex drive, and the doctor said it could be just part of her pre-menopause.My wife was apparently satisfied with that answer, and evidently believed it was THE answer, as she chose not to pursue any sort of remedy in any way. I had even told her that if I was presented with the opportunity to have sex with another woman, it would be very difficult for me to say no. Her response was that understood that, and wouldn't blame me, but "...just don't go looking for it...".
That brings me to why I am posting here. Back in early October of last year, I "met" a woman on line with whom I found a real connection. She possessed all the things I seek in a woman, intelligence, well-spoken, caring, good sense of humor, attractive, and, yes, very sexy. She is also single. I didn't lie to her, and I told her that I am married. She found me to be very compelling as well, and after a couple months, found ourselves actually looking towards a future together. We are a long distance apart geographically now, and we knew it would be a tough road, but we knew that together, we could work through the bumps we would encounter on our journey together.
Well, first I became afraid that I wasn't strong enough to do all that was needed to be with her. At the time, my job was tremendously pressure-filled, and I began questioning the relationship. This hurt her very deeply, and she gave me time & space to figure out what I wanted and needed. I didn't need much time to figure out that I love her very deeply, and needed & wanted to share life with her.
Things seemed to be going well between us, and then at the beginning of March, I finally got to a breaking point with my job and resigned. She was shocked, but she said she still wanted what we had been talking about; a life together. About a week later, I called her at work, and she had told me she was extremely swamped, but was uncharacteristically curt with me. Not the usual warm, welcoming, "hey...". I had lots of time on my hands since I wasn't working, so I probably did overdose her with messages, but all in an effort to confirm for her that nothing had changed in my feelings for her. I sent a rather lengthy message to her home email with suggestions to maintain long distance relationships, and the next day she responded to tell me she needed space & time to figure out what she needs & wants for her life. After a couple exchanges, she pointed out that when I needed space & time, she gave it to me, but it was a very brief time that I needed that. She said she didn't need long, and so I backed off.
After not hearing from her for four days, I sent a message to her. She said she needed more time, and kept emphasizing, "I do love you, but that's all I can give you right now". All I was looking for was to know if she was simply trying to find a nice way to tell me that this relationship, about which she had written very loving words to me around Valentine's Day, assuring me she wanted a life with me, I simply wanted to know if our relationship was over from her perspective.
I waited almost three weeks, honoring her request not to contact her (though I did send her a message wishing her a happy Easter), and sent her very loving, non-threatening email to tell her that while I was disappointed to not have heard from her, my feelings haven't changed. I fear my messages are being filtered right into her trash can, but that may just be me being paranoid. I don't know what to do. I think of her constantly, and long to hear her voice. I feel more connection to her than I have felt for ANY woman in my life before. If this was two months into the relationship, I could chalk it up to infatuation, but not at this point. There was something deep & meaningful that was being shared between us, and I don't want to lose that. However, she is completely silent, and told me before that she is confused, needing to sort out what she truly needs & wants. This hurts incredibly.
For anyone reading now, and thinking, "Wait a minute! This A-hole is married & pining over a woman other than his wife!", that isn't fair to me. I have addressed the state of my marriage with my wife, and she recognizes that it has become little more than two people who are companions with one another. I am only in my early 50's, and I want & need more than merely companionship or a room mate. I didn't plan on falling in love with another woman, but it happened, and I don't want to lose that love.
Am I just being a fool to imagine that this beautiful relationship still has a chance? If not, will I ever find this kind of connection & passion with another woman?
However, none of these women were interested in committed relationships, so I decided to use one of the dating websites specifically aimed at developing committed relationships. I meant a very nice woman who was all the things I was seeking in a woman; intelligent, attractive, well-spoken, fun, and caring. We began dating, and all seemed to be going well. She had abstained from sex for some four plus years before meeting me. I agreed to be tested for STD's as I was up front with her about my sexual experiences since being separated. I checked out completely clean, and we had a satisfactory sex life.
We married 2 1/2 years ago, and almost from the time we became engaged, about 3 1/2 years ago, our sex life began to diminish down to the point where we've had sex only three times in the last year. It was like going from 75 miles an hour to 15. I have brought the issue up with my wife multiple times during our marriage, advising her that I love sex, and want more with her. From what I have read, most women would be glad that their husbands want & desire them. My wife has simply said that she knows her desire has diminished greatly, and she doesn't know why. After one of my efforts to discuss this with her, she did talk to her doctor about her lack of sex drive, and the doctor said it could be just part of her pre-menopause.My wife was apparently satisfied with that answer, and evidently believed it was THE answer, as she chose not to pursue any sort of remedy in any way. I had even told her that if I was presented with the opportunity to have sex with another woman, it would be very difficult for me to say no. Her response was that understood that, and wouldn't blame me, but "...just don't go looking for it...".
That brings me to why I am posting here. Back in early October of last year, I "met" a woman on line with whom I found a real connection. She possessed all the things I seek in a woman, intelligence, well-spoken, caring, good sense of humor, attractive, and, yes, very sexy. She is also single. I didn't lie to her, and I told her that I am married. She found me to be very compelling as well, and after a couple months, found ourselves actually looking towards a future together. We are a long distance apart geographically now, and we knew it would be a tough road, but we knew that together, we could work through the bumps we would encounter on our journey together.
Well, first I became afraid that I wasn't strong enough to do all that was needed to be with her. At the time, my job was tremendously pressure-filled, and I began questioning the relationship. This hurt her very deeply, and she gave me time & space to figure out what I wanted and needed. I didn't need much time to figure out that I love her very deeply, and needed & wanted to share life with her.
Things seemed to be going well between us, and then at the beginning of March, I finally got to a breaking point with my job and resigned. She was shocked, but she said she still wanted what we had been talking about; a life together. About a week later, I called her at work, and she had told me she was extremely swamped, but was uncharacteristically curt with me. Not the usual warm, welcoming, "hey...". I had lots of time on my hands since I wasn't working, so I probably did overdose her with messages, but all in an effort to confirm for her that nothing had changed in my feelings for her. I sent a rather lengthy message to her home email with suggestions to maintain long distance relationships, and the next day she responded to tell me she needed space & time to figure out what she needs & wants for her life. After a couple exchanges, she pointed out that when I needed space & time, she gave it to me, but it was a very brief time that I needed that. She said she didn't need long, and so I backed off.
After not hearing from her for four days, I sent a message to her. She said she needed more time, and kept emphasizing, "I do love you, but that's all I can give you right now". All I was looking for was to know if she was simply trying to find a nice way to tell me that this relationship, about which she had written very loving words to me around Valentine's Day, assuring me she wanted a life with me, I simply wanted to know if our relationship was over from her perspective.
I waited almost three weeks, honoring her request not to contact her (though I did send her a message wishing her a happy Easter), and sent her very loving, non-threatening email to tell her that while I was disappointed to not have heard from her, my feelings haven't changed. I fear my messages are being filtered right into her trash can, but that may just be me being paranoid. I don't know what to do. I think of her constantly, and long to hear her voice. I feel more connection to her than I have felt for ANY woman in my life before. If this was two months into the relationship, I could chalk it up to infatuation, but not at this point. There was something deep & meaningful that was being shared between us, and I don't want to lose that. However, she is completely silent, and told me before that she is confused, needing to sort out what she truly needs & wants. This hurts incredibly.
For anyone reading now, and thinking, "Wait a minute! This A-hole is married & pining over a woman other than his wife!", that isn't fair to me. I have addressed the state of my marriage with my wife, and she recognizes that it has become little more than two people who are companions with one another. I am only in my early 50's, and I want & need more than merely companionship or a room mate. I didn't plan on falling in love with another woman, but it happened, and I don't want to lose that love.
Am I just being a fool to imagine that this beautiful relationship still has a chance? If not, will I ever find this kind of connection & passion with another woman?
Since none of the recent posts are on-topic, at this time, we are CLOSING this THREAD to future posts.
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No Additional Posts Please.
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No Additional Posts Please.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think this man may not have liked the advice he received as he felt criticized by it but I'm thinking swinging wasn't his cup of tea either. He seemed like a person trying to be with someone he loved while not hurting someone he was still with.
Let's not allow things to inflame our feelings when it isn't worth it. Most who engage in swing parties are not able to maintain a long term committed relationship.
Let's not allow things to inflame our feelings when it isn't worth it. Most who engage in swing parties are not able to maintain a long term committed relationship.
Maybe I am missing the point here as I was under the understanding the gentleman fell in love with a single lady and was leaning to a future with her but does not understand why she backed off after he was ready to go with it. The only reason she gave was that she needed space. The answer to the question would be in my opinion, what was going on in the ladies head to cause her to do this. Unfortunately the reason may very well be that he is married and she was having second thoughts? At least that is what I got out of it so, am I missing it or what?
I believe my posts were deleted because I didn't tow the party line of "any sex outside a marriage is 'adulery' (thanks Judyxxx for that great spelling!)."
There is not just one solution for any couple, that if something doesn't work you leave. There can be all kinds of solutions, including having sexual partners outside your marriage with the APPROVAL of your spouse. Swing parties have been going on as long as people have been having sex, and in modern times, many of those couples are MARRIED.
There is not just one solution for any couple, that if something doesn't work you leave. There can be all kinds of solutions, including having sexual partners outside your marriage with the APPROVAL of your spouse. Swing parties have been going on as long as people have been having sex, and in modern times, many of those couples are MARRIED.
We don't custom fit our advice to what he wants to hear. The truth is infidelity or adulery is inexcusable and unexceptable and there is no way around it. You make yourself sound as if you are the perfect husband and treat your wife so well when in reality you are inflicting the worst type of emotional pain. You can either agree to go to a marriage counselor to get to the bottom of the issues in your marriage and what needs have not been met and why, or simply get a divorce, BUT infidelity is simply unexceptable and inexcusable!
Since I did not do such a great job of giving advice, then maybe this example can answer some of your questions? Maybe just maybe this will put some clarification on what some of us have been trying unsuccessfully to share with you.
Carolyn Hax: He's separated and travels a lot; she wants her freedom
By Carolyn Hax
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Dear Carolyn:
I'm divorced (seven years). I've been in a "relationship" for five years with a married man who is separated from his wife, but not divorced. I'll call him Jack. Jack tells me he is working on that. He says he is committed to me and wants an exclusive relationship, but he travels extensively for his job and in the last 18 months I've seen him only about twice a month.
Meanwhile, I've been lonely. I've gone online to dating sites and met some men. I've gone on some dates and slept with one guy. I've been honest with Jack about everything but the sex. Do you see this as a "committed relationship"?
I do not because he is not divorced, but he does. He wants me to sit home alone and not interact with other men when he is not here. I won't do it. How do you see this relationship?
M.
I see it as committing a "relationship" -- one I'd rather see you commit while I have a bag of popcorn in my lap.
Setting aside the possibility that Jack isn't in fact separated and his "extensive travels" are to his marital home -- I do hope you have enough trust and access at least to rule this out -- you're still left in relationship limbo with a man in relationship limbo with somebody else. And you have a divorce in your past to remind you how important it is to take good care of yourself even while loving somebody else.
You can't end Jack's limbo, but you can end your own. If you continue to see Jack, then make it clear you're doing so as a single woman, with all that entails -- dating, sex, future potential.
Note the opening "if." Since Jack seems to bring you little besides angst with strings attached, consider detaching from him entirely. You already know these are your choices; you just need the backbone to choose.
Carolyn Hax: He's separated and travels a lot; she wants her freedom
By Carolyn Hax
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Dear Carolyn:
I'm divorced (seven years). I've been in a "relationship" for five years with a married man who is separated from his wife, but not divorced. I'll call him Jack. Jack tells me he is working on that. He says he is committed to me and wants an exclusive relationship, but he travels extensively for his job and in the last 18 months I've seen him only about twice a month.
Meanwhile, I've been lonely. I've gone online to dating sites and met some men. I've gone on some dates and slept with one guy. I've been honest with Jack about everything but the sex. Do you see this as a "committed relationship"?
I do not because he is not divorced, but he does. He wants me to sit home alone and not interact with other men when he is not here. I won't do it. How do you see this relationship?
M.
I see it as committing a "relationship" -- one I'd rather see you commit while I have a bag of popcorn in my lap.
Setting aside the possibility that Jack isn't in fact separated and his "extensive travels" are to his marital home -- I do hope you have enough trust and access at least to rule this out -- you're still left in relationship limbo with a man in relationship limbo with somebody else. And you have a divorce in your past to remind you how important it is to take good care of yourself even while loving somebody else.
You can't end Jack's limbo, but you can end your own. If you continue to see Jack, then make it clear you're doing so as a single woman, with all that entails -- dating, sex, future potential.
Note the opening "if." Since Jack seems to bring you little besides angst with strings attached, consider detaching from him entirely. You already know these are your choices; you just need the backbone to choose.
I do agree with specialmom here, you need to leave this marriage. If you are this unhappy and your wife is not going to change then what other option do you have? Unless she has agreed that you can sleep with or be with other women as long as she doesn't know about it. But is that okay with you? It sounds like you do want to be connected with your wife emotionally but it's just not her. You will forever be miserable and unsatisfied with your wife. Doesn't mean she can't be part of your life but it won't be within the confines of a marriage.
Since I don't tickle ears, I guess I have nothing else to offer either.
Let me ask you this, when you go to the dr, do you want the truth, or do you want to hear All is well, even when it is not?
Again, not seeking an answer.
Let me ask you this, when you go to the dr, do you want the truth, or do you want to hear All is well, even when it is not?
Again, not seeking an answer.
I inadvertently clicked on "best answer" and was unable to undo it. It was definitely a mistake.
I guess we are supposed to agree with everything and everybody. The only posts here, now, agree with this issue.
My comments were not insulting nor, judgemental. Just something for him to think about. i even said repeatedly they were just something to think about.
In fact one got the best answer. I don't understand that at all.
My comments were not insulting nor, judgemental. Just something for him to think about. i even said repeatedly they were just something to think about.
In fact one got the best answer. I don't understand that at all.
This member asked about his relationship with the "other woman". He didn't ask for opinions on cheating, his employment status, medical advice for his wife, and whatnot.
This is a very personal issue for many people (myself included), and sometimes it's hard to remain objective. However, we can be supportive and answer his question about whether this relationship has a chance, without being insulting, judgmental, etc.
I've deleted some posts here. Some were judgmental and/or insulting, and others were deleted because they made no sense without the other posts there.
Emily
This is a very personal issue for many people (myself included), and sometimes it's hard to remain objective. However, we can be supportive and answer his question about whether this relationship has a chance, without being insulting, judgmental, etc.
I've deleted some posts here. Some were judgmental and/or insulting, and others were deleted because they made no sense without the other posts there.
Emily
You are making suppositions about my ability to become gainfully employed. This is my first work "outage" in twenty-five years, and it is NOT the source of any issue about me being supported.
Again, I need no further comments from judgmental people who see the issues only as black & white. Your ideas about how I am perceived by anyone other than yourself are completely baseless, and speculative. You aren't interested in constructively commenting; you're only interested in disseminating your moralistic views. I have no interest in what your opinions are, so please feel free to stop commenting on this post.
Again, I need no further comments from judgmental people who see the issues only as black & white. Your ideas about how I am perceived by anyone other than yourself are completely baseless, and speculative. You aren't interested in constructively commenting; you're only interested in disseminating your moralistic views. I have no interest in what your opinions are, so please feel free to stop commenting on this post.
COMMUNITY LEADER
As I said, I am sorry that you have felt criticized. I hope that you find the happiness that we all deserve to have. good luck
Basically what you are saying is your wife has abandoned you sexually and emotionally and you are kind of living as roommates. She has told you that it's okay to fool around as long as she doesn't find out about it and as long as you don't go seeking it. You took her up on that offer and found someone else but it's a long distance relationship and after a while she has asked for space and you are unsure of the future with that woman. Is that about the gist of what's going on here?
Are you going to leave your wife if the other woman decides she wants to be with you? And what will you do if she doesn't want to be with you?
Are you going to leave your wife if the other woman decides she wants to be with you? And what will you do if she doesn't want to be with you?
COMMUNITY LEADER
I am sorry you felt insulted and misunderstood here. I think there was some good advice above that at times it is okay to admit a relationship is not working as we want it to and to go ahead and leave that relationship. Then once you've gone through the pain of that (as it is always painful no matter who instigates it)---- you will be in a better position to find new love and fully commit to it. Good luck
Again, I am advised here that I need to examine how I treat my wife. Hmmm, well, I treat her pretty darn well. I am considerate, a true sharer in all thing domestic, housecleaning, taking care of two cats, cooking, laundry, yard work, I take care of making sure common expenses are paid (yes we split the household expenses, mortgage, utilities, etc.), and I am always here for her. I am always available to talk or listen, and I do nice things to surprise her like bringing home flowers on non-special occasions, among others. She has told me that she appreciates me & doesn't feel that she is lacking anything from me.
I had no plans to fall for someone else. There was a connection that I don't have with my wife, one that my wife has allowed to be short-circuited by her lack of interest in any sort of intimacy. This isn't just about sex. I spend so many nights alone, because my wife tells me she is worn out from work, and ends up going to be at 8:30. I used to go with her hoping maybe, just maybe we could talk or play or something, but it typically resulted in her quickly turning on her side and going to sleep. I work hard as well. Up around 6:30AM, out for a run or bike ride, back to get ready for work, then having work days that don't end until seven or so in the evening. Go home to my wife who is already dragging, little conversation, then she is off to bed.
I also need no advice on the medical front. We both have had complete physicals within the last year, and though she is pre-menopausal, as well as taking thyroid medication, her doctor has said she is otherwise in very good health. My point with her sexual intimacy reluctance is that when I asked her how we could approach it to correct to problem, she essentially said that she just has no sex drive, and from her perspective, there is nothing she is going to do to try to improve it, because it isn't important to her.
As for open marriage or swinging, at one time last year, probably about a year ago now, I suggested buying toys, videos, etc., as well as suggested that it may stimulate her to not necessarily swing, but try sex in the same room with another couple. She was cool to the toys & videos, and downright icy about the same room suggestion. She is much more seemingly open to a "don't ask, don't tell" policy should I choose to pursue sex with another woman, yet she doesn't want me to seek it out. So I haven't sought it, and unexpectedly came across another woman who gives me the intellectual & emotional intimacy I want and need. Not at all planned.
Yes, Eve, I do agree that in general folks posting here are relatively conservative in their views about sex & relationships. I get damned for even daring to consider another relationship while I'm married, so I guess all the folks doing the damning are always 100% satisfied with their own relationships, and have never, ever entertained thoughts of being with someone other than their significant others. If anyone claims that, that is purely fiction.
And for the last poster, Peggy, I have been extremely trustworthy to my wife, or I would have jettisoned the flotsam & jetsam of our relationship before we were ever married. I have committed to her, and given more of myself emotionally than she is able to give. She promised five years ago to be more open with me, and she hasn't made it there. I am not taking another twenty years to plead & hope that someone who should be my closest confidante & friend will transform herself. She is a sweet, very kind woman, but we just don't connect.
I am 51 years old, and I very well understand the distinction between lust & love. Once the lust diminishes, the love that should be your foundation is what deepens and solidifies the relationship. Yet to have that deepening, BOTH partners need to be open & sensitive to each others needs. It can't be a one way street on which I give, and express what I need, and never receive it.
I had no plans to fall for someone else. There was a connection that I don't have with my wife, one that my wife has allowed to be short-circuited by her lack of interest in any sort of intimacy. This isn't just about sex. I spend so many nights alone, because my wife tells me she is worn out from work, and ends up going to be at 8:30. I used to go with her hoping maybe, just maybe we could talk or play or something, but it typically resulted in her quickly turning on her side and going to sleep. I work hard as well. Up around 6:30AM, out for a run or bike ride, back to get ready for work, then having work days that don't end until seven or so in the evening. Go home to my wife who is already dragging, little conversation, then she is off to bed.
I also need no advice on the medical front. We both have had complete physicals within the last year, and though she is pre-menopausal, as well as taking thyroid medication, her doctor has said she is otherwise in very good health. My point with her sexual intimacy reluctance is that when I asked her how we could approach it to correct to problem, she essentially said that she just has no sex drive, and from her perspective, there is nothing she is going to do to try to improve it, because it isn't important to her.
As for open marriage or swinging, at one time last year, probably about a year ago now, I suggested buying toys, videos, etc., as well as suggested that it may stimulate her to not necessarily swing, but try sex in the same room with another couple. She was cool to the toys & videos, and downright icy about the same room suggestion. She is much more seemingly open to a "don't ask, don't tell" policy should I choose to pursue sex with another woman, yet she doesn't want me to seek it out. So I haven't sought it, and unexpectedly came across another woman who gives me the intellectual & emotional intimacy I want and need. Not at all planned.
Yes, Eve, I do agree that in general folks posting here are relatively conservative in their views about sex & relationships. I get damned for even daring to consider another relationship while I'm married, so I guess all the folks doing the damning are always 100% satisfied with their own relationships, and have never, ever entertained thoughts of being with someone other than their significant others. If anyone claims that, that is purely fiction.
And for the last poster, Peggy, I have been extremely trustworthy to my wife, or I would have jettisoned the flotsam & jetsam of our relationship before we were ever married. I have committed to her, and given more of myself emotionally than she is able to give. She promised five years ago to be more open with me, and she hasn't made it there. I am not taking another twenty years to plead & hope that someone who should be my closest confidante & friend will transform herself. She is a sweet, very kind woman, but we just don't connect.
I am 51 years old, and I very well understand the distinction between lust & love. Once the lust diminishes, the love that should be your foundation is what deepens and solidifies the relationship. Yet to have that deepening, BOTH partners need to be open & sensitive to each others needs. It can't be a one way street on which I give, and express what I need, and never receive it.
.
There is a lot more to this story than we are hearing. I say, that if you aren't trustworthy to your wife, and this other woman doesn't honor the fact that you are married, then something is quite wrong with character here. This is not about "love."
It doesn't really sound like you are in love with this other woman, or your wife either for that matter. More like you are in lust with this other woman.
Love is not a feeling. Love does not hop all over the place.
And I would reevaluate how you treat your wife. Most, not all, women respond to how they are treated. Are you kind to her ALL the time. Do you pay her attention at just "certain" times, and then ignore her the rest? You say you have quit your job, how are you providing for her?
Do not really need or want answers to these, just for you to think about.
There is a lot more to this story than we are hearing. I say, that if you aren't trustworthy to your wife, and this other woman doesn't honor the fact that you are married, then something is quite wrong with character here. This is not about "love."
It doesn't really sound like you are in love with this other woman, or your wife either for that matter. More like you are in lust with this other woman.
Love is not a feeling. Love does not hop all over the place.
And I would reevaluate how you treat your wife. Most, not all, women respond to how they are treated. Are you kind to her ALL the time. Do you pay her attention at just "certain" times, and then ignore her the rest? You say you have quit your job, how are you providing for her?
Do not really need or want answers to these, just for you to think about.
Infidelity is unexceptable under any circumstance. I recommend that before falling in love with another woman, file for divorce. This other woman is very aware that you are not available for a loving, committed relationship, since you are married. As for your wife, you were aware that when you met her, she did not have sexual relations in the past for YEARS that speaks volumes and menopause effects women differently. Due to hormonal change in the body, sexual desire completely stops for some, not all, but menopause can effect intimacy.
My advice is if you no longer are in love with your wife, file for a divorce immediately, before persuing another relationship. Infidelity is inexcusable and unexceptable in any circumstance, but you knew that didn't you.
My advice is if you no longer are in love with your wife, file for a divorce immediately, before persuing another relationship. Infidelity is inexcusable and unexceptable in any circumstance, but you knew that didn't you.
The thing to do is to leave your wife if you're that unhappy and start over. The other woman asked for space, you gave it to her and now she isn't as receptive to you as before. It sounds like it's time to move on completely and start fresh.
You can offer advice, if you can do it without insulting the member. Some of the advice given was sound, but was accompanied by insults and judgments.
Emily
Emily
Since we cannot offer sound advice, but only support someone in something that is going to be their downfall, I guess I have nothing left to offer.
We deleted several posts here. Let's remember that MedHelp is to be safe and supportive for everyone, even if you don't like or agree with what someone is doing.
Please remember that we know only a very little bit about someone - what they choose to post here, and there is always more to the story.
We don't judge here, and there should be no blame, shame or guilt. None of those is effective in trying to reach someone with your message.
Thanks,
Emily
Please remember that we know only a very little bit about someone - what they choose to post here, and there is always more to the story.
We don't judge here, and there should be no blame, shame or guilt. None of those is effective in trying to reach someone with your message.
Thanks,
Emily
I should have known better than to be honest here. First of all, my first marriage ended because I was subjected to extreme verbal & mental abuse for most of the marriage. It wasn't just because I'm a marry 'em & leave 'em kind of guy. I tried to get help with that marriage, and my current marriage to "fix" the problems, but the "fix" didn't and hasn't happened. What has happened sure as heck wasn't in my plans, and no I haven't been trolling internet dating sites. For crying out loud, I wasn't looking for anyone because I thought I could accept things as they are in my marriage. I thought I was simply being selfish. However, I did find another person to whom I had an immediate connection, and I sure as heck am not going to apologize to a bunch of judgmental strangers. As the old adage/cliche goes, "walk a mile in my shoes", and then see how you are torn to try to seek a happier life.
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