Am I wrong?

[PassionFlower09]

I sometimes send my husband emails expressing how his behavior has made me feel. Sometimes the emails are sad and sometimes just angry.  Anyway,  I looked  at his inbox  right after I sent him an email thinking maybe I should just not send this. So I got ready to go and delete it, and I noticed it was not there. Long story short, I see that he has my emails automatically filtered to the trash.


I just told him blatantly that I see he has done this, and that he should filter those women's emails not mine and that I am glad he has a cold (poor thing is sick).  Later, I just told him that I hope someone he loves dearly  hurts him like he has hurt me and just tears his heart out. I also told him it is not ok to save someone else by sacrificial me.

Am I wrong?
I am at the point where I don't think I can live with him. He claims he is ill and needs a calm environment. But my anger won't let me forgive.  I am not  always angry- but there are times when I just feel like I have been treated badly, and it is not fair that I am the only one who hurts.  I always feel this when I see my emails filtered to the trash, or when he yells at me for making bread  and yet he will eat that trollop's muffins or cookies or whatever she has poisoned him with.

I guess I will have to leave, because I don't think he will change nor is he sorry.

[imanaddict]

I, too, have followed your story and agree 110% with perch. You are going in circles and the outcome continues to be the same...you angry and he not caring one way or another. It seems as if your husband has checked out (emotionally) some time ago.

I know you say you aren't in a position to leave right now, but it may be a good idea to get to that place by any means necessary just in case. We are never really prepared to leave a marriage, we just have to if it's not working out. When I left my first husband, I was 6 months pregnant, living in a motel, and didn't have a car. I worked as a waitress and had to take a cab back and forth to work. It was one of the hardest things I did, but it was so worth it to get away from him. I have never looked back and wouldn't be married to a wonderful guy now if I had stayed with that loser. Trust me, it can be done, where there's a will, there's a way! You deserve all the happiness life has to offer and no one has the right to take your happiness away from you. You are a strong, smart woman so go get it back girl!

[perch101]

Hi passion.

I have followed your story a bit....... and have to say when I see a new post I hope it's you saying you have found the stregnth to leave.

I do believe that a couple can overcome and move on from a betrayel (such as an affair) IF both parties can be 100% honest and work through it and take steps to stop something similar happening again, and learn from it.

BUT unfortunately - your hubby does not seem to care at all - to the point where he is sending your emails to the trash and dosen't even care enough to read what you have to say.

You do need to go - he is past caring. And the sooner you do - then you can begin the process of grieving the loss of the realtionship and become happy and strong enough to have a happy and fulfilling life.

And when you are in a happy place - 'Iike attacts like' - (I love that expression my mom told me - when you are in a good and happy place you will attract someone similar - I have found it to be true). There will be a good guy that doen't make 'jokes' about finding a 20- something year old woman for an adventure.

I'm not saying leave just to find someone or that you have to be with someone to be happy - not at all - you'll need to be by yourself for a while to heal. I guess I just wanted to point out that there are good guys out there, guys that won't go behind your back, lie and disrespect you.

If you stay in this marriage - he will stay not caring - you will stay angry - express this anger - he will withdrawl and not care even more - vicious cycle.

You say 'I am not in a position to leave right now' - why?

[PassionFlower09]

Rockrose,

I am not in a position I am most comfortable in.

I am not in a position to leave right now. I am depressed and a little scared. I lost my best friend.

PassionFlower09

[PassionFlower09]

Hi RockRose,

It is ok.

My parents are divorced. They have been since I was very small.

My memories of them together as a couple are very good.  They never fought in front of me.  I see that my parents are both hurt by their split- even after so many years(but that is another story).

PassionFlower09

[RockRose]

In re-reading,  my post sounds harsh.  I didn't intend it to be.  It was said with a soft voice.

[RockRose]

Passionflower,  was your mother like this?  Was she in virtually this exact relationship with a man - that she felt terribly hurt by,  but wouldn't leave?

I'm just again sensing that this is exactly the "spot" you are most comfortable being in - married,  and expressing continuous hurt.  Is that your mother,  too?

[PassionFlower09]

It is a rollercoasterk.

My husband has always been critical of me, said  and done nasty things to me. He even started to joke about how he wants to find a 20 something year old for some kind of adventure. Then he found this 20- something year old trollop  who, he claimed needed his help. Then I became the enemy- literally and figuratively.Once, He actually told me not to bother this girl- I have never done anything to this girl. I won't even go into he old weathered skinned mother who implies to him that she wants to sleep with him.  

Yes he says he doesn't talk to them and etc. but I am just against the wall right now. I take anymore crap!. But I feel bad when I express this. I think throwing my emails away is crap.  Just like spending my money to buy cellphones to call these people is crap.

But any, sorry for venting.  I was just upset because he trashed my emails and I know he would cut off his right arm before trashing emails from these people.

But thanks for your advise. As, always you give good thoughts and suggestions.

PassionFlower09

[PassionFlower09]

ok thanks special

[PassionFlower09]

I only know of one episode  a while ago (but I am still angry about it) where the trollop cooked for him- he was sooooooooooo proud.  I make bread recently, and it is the end of the world.  I don't know if he emails or talks to them. He says he doesn't.

He actually feels as if he is being wronged- that my anger is hurting him.

[specialmom]

Ugh.  Sounds like this is a rollercoaster with many ups and downs.  You were doing better, right?  He has stopped contact with the two, right?  He's trying more, right?

I think it would hurt my feelings too if my husband trashed my emails.  I would take yourself out of the emotion of it for a minute though and remember that you've been using that as a venting place to him.  He may not want to read it especially if they come often.  Human nature.  Not respectful but I can see how it happened.  I always think it is better to say how we feel face to face.  

So, let's see how tomorrow is and how you feel then and take one day at a time.