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What TO DO! my mother is about to do something.....
I really need an advice i dont know what to do:
Last year my sister releaved to me that her father (my stepdad) abused her when she was a kid now she is (15yrs) when she told me i didnt know what to do... She was craying when she told me and i belive her.... I know she would never lie with something so big... Plus the Look in her eyes broke me down. Back history: me and my step dad never got along. he would always humuliate me i wasnt able to talk on the phone use my computer cause he didnt wnt me to.He hit me when i was 18yrs (my mom did nothing) so i left the house for like 2yrs... but i came back to live home again.
so my sister told me about the insident and i didnt know what to do! i fealt like if i had told my mom she wasnt going to do nothing and i was afraid he would do something to us. so i CAlled the police on him. they took him and he was sent back to his country. its been a year now.
It was really hard last year with my mom.... (SHE HATES ME) until now the family cant be normal. i sometimes feel Gulity for doing what i did....
to present: NOw i have 3 small brothers. 2 sister age 11and 7 and my little bro he is 8yrs
she wants to send the kids for the summer to HIM!!! i was like R U CRAZY!!!!! oh my god i dont know what to do, she want to send the kids over to him. she wont listen to me. i dont know how to stop this!!! this is breaking me, im very Stress and paranoid. I LOVE my brothers, why would she do this? i hater her for never stading up for her kids. i hater her for still putting him 1st after verything. by the way cense last year she has gone to visit him 3x in 2011.
so what can i do?
Last year my sister releaved to me that her father (my stepdad) abused her when she was a kid now she is (15yrs) when she told me i didnt know what to do... She was craying when she told me and i belive her.... I know she would never lie with something so big... Plus the Look in her eyes broke me down. Back history: me and my step dad never got along. he would always humuliate me i wasnt able to talk on the phone use my computer cause he didnt wnt me to.He hit me when i was 18yrs (my mom did nothing) so i left the house for like 2yrs... but i came back to live home again.
so my sister told me about the insident and i didnt know what to do! i fealt like if i had told my mom she wasnt going to do nothing and i was afraid he would do something to us. so i CAlled the police on him. they took him and he was sent back to his country. its been a year now.
It was really hard last year with my mom.... (SHE HATES ME) until now the family cant be normal. i sometimes feel Gulity for doing what i did....
to present: NOw i have 3 small brothers. 2 sister age 11and 7 and my little bro he is 8yrs
she wants to send the kids for the summer to HIM!!! i was like R U CRAZY!!!!! oh my god i dont know what to do, she want to send the kids over to him. she wont listen to me. i dont know how to stop this!!! this is breaking me, im very Stress and paranoid. I LOVE my brothers, why would she do this? i hater her for never stading up for her kids. i hater her for still putting him 1st after verything. by the way cense last year she has gone to visit him 3x in 2011.
so what can i do?
Yes you are right, i need to distant my Emotions away from her.
as the same way i will advise my sisters the same too.
she will never change, thats fo sure. I will stay strong for my sisters. sometimes this weight is heavy on my shoulders but i know im planting good seeds and when i see my sisters all strong intelligent young women ill be more than happy.
I was going to a therapist but i didnt see no help as she just kept asking me how i feel lol... but im ok. i know God will help me and is always looking up to me.
thanks you so much! it makes me feel better knowing im not wrong about all this.
Blessings to you.
as the same way i will advise my sisters the same too.
she will never change, thats fo sure. I will stay strong for my sisters. sometimes this weight is heavy on my shoulders but i know im planting good seeds and when i see my sisters all strong intelligent young women ill be more than happy.
I was going to a therapist but i didnt see no help as she just kept asking me how i feel lol... but im ok. i know God will help me and is always looking up to me.
thanks you so much! it makes me feel better knowing im not wrong about all this.
Blessings to you.
COMMUNITY LEADER
You can still be involved with your sisters and they indeed do sound like they need you. That doesn't mean you have to be as involved with your mother. I'd stay EMOTIONALLY distant from her.
that is the key. Understanding who she is and accepting her and knowing she will never be the woman you desire her to be is important. This allows you to shut off the little girl part of you that still is hoping and praying and doing everything you can to get her to notice you, appreciate you and deep down the biggie . . . love you. You can be in contact with her --- but you need to stand up for yourself just like you would a child that you saw her hurt. That doesn't mean yelling and screaming at her but isolating your emotions away from her. She's flawed. don't let her do anymore damage to you.
But by all means, have your sisters over, take them places, give THEM money or things, etc.
I feel for you. It is very painful. i would really consider talking to someone about this such as a therapist. Okay dear? Stay strong and have peace in your heart.
that is the key. Understanding who she is and accepting her and knowing she will never be the woman you desire her to be is important. This allows you to shut off the little girl part of you that still is hoping and praying and doing everything you can to get her to notice you, appreciate you and deep down the biggie . . . love you. You can be in contact with her --- but you need to stand up for yourself just like you would a child that you saw her hurt. That doesn't mean yelling and screaming at her but isolating your emotions away from her. She's flawed. don't let her do anymore damage to you.
But by all means, have your sisters over, take them places, give THEM money or things, etc.
I feel for you. It is very painful. i would really consider talking to someone about this such as a therapist. Okay dear? Stay strong and have peace in your heart.
thanks you so much for understanding,
thats how i feel... im 24years and all my life ive always try to proove my mom that im the best. Good grades, graduated from college, have a great job, have a Great Fiance that loves me and respects me and my family 100%. even until now i help her with everything that i can, the kids money everything so she can just notice me and say THANK YOU... thats all i looked for a THANK you.... But like u say i have to understand that maybe i will never get that from her.
its so sad that she has great kids and cant see that... My 15year old sister is great in school has good grades and is involded in sports. but all my mom sees is pure negativity from me and her. its sad she cant be greatful for what she has US her kids. despite all this i stil love her and respect her. God know i love her but im hurt the way shes been with us.
yes i have to move forward with my life and i want to but this situation is hard to walk away from. i feel obligated to stay and help my sisters out. they depend on me as the rock of the house. its not my job but i love them more than anything and will do anything for them.
at the same time i want to make my own life. marry my FI and start our owns lifes but im stuck.
thats how i feel... im 24years and all my life ive always try to proove my mom that im the best. Good grades, graduated from college, have a great job, have a Great Fiance that loves me and respects me and my family 100%. even until now i help her with everything that i can, the kids money everything so she can just notice me and say THANK YOU... thats all i looked for a THANK you.... But like u say i have to understand that maybe i will never get that from her.
its so sad that she has great kids and cant see that... My 15year old sister is great in school has good grades and is involded in sports. but all my mom sees is pure negativity from me and her. its sad she cant be greatful for what she has US her kids. despite all this i stil love her and respect her. God know i love her but im hurt the way shes been with us.
yes i have to move forward with my life and i want to but this situation is hard to walk away from. i feel obligated to stay and help my sisters out. they depend on me as the rock of the house. its not my job but i love them more than anything and will do anything for them.
at the same time i want to make my own life. marry my FI and start our owns lifes but im stuck.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ugh. Well, you can always call cps and talk to them about your mother's plans to send your brother to be with him as he has been accused of molesting your sister.
Regarding your mom, that is hard. She may never do that and that stinks. I'm going to suggest that at some point you talk to a therapist about how this makes you feel and try to move emotionally past needing her to put you first. We can spend our whole life chasing the dream of making a parent into who we want them to be and waste so much time as they never will be. Instead, accept that she is what she is and you don't have to be okay with that. You can let her know in a calm way and you can seperate some of your emotions out.
I think so many of us have hurt little girls inside and we need our grown up selves to stand up for them.
When a parent or step parent molests or beats or abuses us in any way, if the other parent sides with them, it is like double abuse to me. It makes that person as guilty as the one that did the deed. But our hurt little child self won't let go of needing that parent. I get that and I'm sure you do. However, our adult self has to move past it or we are always going to feel unhappy and unsettled.
Does that make sense?
Anyway, talk to CPS to see if you can make her sending him to that man such a pain, she thinks twice about it. good luck
Regarding your mom, that is hard. She may never do that and that stinks. I'm going to suggest that at some point you talk to a therapist about how this makes you feel and try to move emotionally past needing her to put you first. We can spend our whole life chasing the dream of making a parent into who we want them to be and waste so much time as they never will be. Instead, accept that she is what she is and you don't have to be okay with that. You can let her know in a calm way and you can seperate some of your emotions out.
I think so many of us have hurt little girls inside and we need our grown up selves to stand up for them.
When a parent or step parent molests or beats or abuses us in any way, if the other parent sides with them, it is like double abuse to me. It makes that person as guilty as the one that did the deed. But our hurt little child self won't let go of needing that parent. I get that and I'm sure you do. However, our adult self has to move past it or we are always going to feel unhappy and unsettled.
Does that make sense?
Anyway, talk to CPS to see if you can make her sending him to that man such a pain, she thinks twice about it. good luck
No she doesnt beleive my sister...
in her eyes my sister is laying. she beleives him.
I just dont want my mom to send my little borhters with that Man.
My mother hates me for calling the cops on my stepdad.
she hates me, and i feel gulty about everything.
I just want to my mom to open her ayes and beleive us, we r not crazy.
i want my mom for once in her life puts us first in her life and not him.
in her eyes my sister is laying. she beleives him.
I just dont want my mom to send my little borhters with that Man.
My mother hates me for calling the cops on my stepdad.
she hates me, and i feel gulty about everything.
I just want to my mom to open her ayes and beleive us, we r not crazy.
i want my mom for once in her life puts us first in her life and not him.
No no, MY mom want to send my litle bothers to my stepdad.
my stepdad was the one that abused my 15year old sister when she was a kid. my sister doesnt have kids.
my stepdad was the one that abused my 15year old sister when she was a kid. my sister doesnt have kids.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, the fact that your sister wants to send her kids to stay with someone she says molested you tells you one of two things. Either, she's making the story up. OR she's not capable of making safe choices for her kids. Both are concerning. I'd talk to her spouse. good luck
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