I admire your stamina for putting up with him, but you know that he will never change, he has been addicted to long, and believe me i know, also if he is with other women, you need to be cautious, because he may bring a disease home,I could say leave, but then i could say lots of things, but the decision is yours to make, are you able to go back to work, try that and maybe that will help until you can decide what to do, for i know that you are hurting, and i do wish that i could offer some help, words can be so cold, but we do care, plese keep me posted wishing you lots of luck jo do not lose your self esteem you are a good woman do not let him drag you down
Thanks for ur advice. I was really thinking of that but sometimes it really make me confuse when I cant confront him and he entrust me all the inheritance from his father of which of course we are using now forour daily living and invested some in my home country only in my name. Those wayback years he dissapear but the reason is only due to drugs without any woman involve., or coz of this depression but this death of his father made it worse he found a prostitute who supports him.So this time that there is woman involve is really making me mad and frustrated although its obvious that he gets from her and he is not the giving. He comes home when he is normal talk about the future but I feel he wants to do it but once its mix up with these substance finish everything is forgotten. When we were on vacation we actually plan to go out and live somewhere else and start a new life but it was just a plan. Im losing hope but sometimes I feel that I have really to persuade him to see adoc. I just dont know how with his kind of behaviour. He is very strict with his kids about smoking,drinking.He never allow them to do that and said that is for their own good. His father when was alive was very supportive with us. He build the house for us and once told me not to ever leave this house ,take care of it becaus if I'll go we dont know what my H will do for it.
But now I feel just stay here but keep on moving and not to think too much about him. It will come a time maybe I hope he will come to his senses that he needs to quit on this addiction. Two of my kids are in college the third one wants to go on boxing profession and the last is on high school. I guess I just have to be strong to support them until they reach on stable life. I feel sometimes like I got five kids instea of four. Anyway I thank God also for giving strength and supportive in laws. My father pass away I felt depressed also coz I lose somebody who show care and support for my kids.
If this behaviour has been going on this long, it's never going to change. He may (or may not) genuinely mean it when he says it is going to change, but he's slipped back so often that those promises mean nothing. He clearly has addiction problems, and nothing will ever change until he quits those addictions, but he doesn't even seem interested in trying to quit so there is no hope of his behaviour changing.
I am stunned that you have put up with this behaviour as long as you have. You have given him too many chances; he now knows that he can keep treating you like this, and you'll keep taking him back every time he feels like coming back. How you can tolerate him living with this other woman and even consider once taking him back (let alone time and again) astounds me. You have given him too many chances, and he's blown it too often already.
It's time to stop letting him walk all over you. Personally I would think this is all over, and you shouldn't give him any more chances. But, if you really do want to give him one final chance, you need to set some strict ground-rules - minimum standards which, if he doesn't agree to, it's over. These would have to include, at a minimum, quitting alcohol and marajuana and anything else he's addicted to; enrolling in AA or some similar program; cutting all contact with this other woman he's been living with. I doubt he'll agree to this - while this other woman is allowing him to live with her and supporting him and his addictions, life is too cushy there and he won't want to give it up.
I don't know how old your kids are, but I'm guessing if you've been married for 22 years they are not that young. Young kids need a father, but this man sounds like so useless a father that they would be no worse off without him, so for once I won't suggest that the kids welfare and need for a father has any significance here. His presence (or at least occasional appearance) may be doing them more harm than good, he's hardly a good role model, someone you'd want them to grow up and be like. Kids learn from the behaviour of the adults they see around them, and you don't want your kids learning that his life is the way adults should behave.
You've been subject to his abuse and mistreatment for a long time. I believe you would benefit from counselling, it will help you be stronger, to believe in yourself, to stand up for your own needs, and to take control of your life.