No no. I'm recoving from Christmas with the kids. LOL I actually really appreciate your situation and sensitivity to it.
^ haha I must sound like a girl?
Hi frost, one thing that ive learned in life is not to mix family or neighbors into to my life. Just let it be as they have created all that they have. They created it because they wanted it for what ever crazy reason. Just be thankfull that all the madness has given you insight into your own special relationship.
Good have come from this in that it was a tool to show you how not to be.
Dont get involved.
I meant intelligent "guy" ---- sorry!! lots of luck.
Hi there and welcome to the forum. Oh, a home in which there is a failing relationship can be an awful place to be. I would say that your step mom's addiction to pain meds supercedes all else and maybe your dad is much more aware of it as he is now home more due to retirement. But it is impossible to have a relationship with someone deep in addiction problems. I'd sincerely contact whomever's child is there (the niece) and tell them to make sure this child is safeguarded from the fighting, tension and really, a home in which pain pill addiction is happening---- is no place for a child. She shouldn't be living or staying there.
But you, lucky, are an adult with your own life. These people do not define who you are. They are your history, sure. But let them be a guide to what you don't want in your life. My parents divorced when I was in college and there were qualities about my dad that I knew that I didn't want in a partner. So, the key with that is to be VERY aware of what those qualities are and to set your expectations high. I have not repeated my parents marrital demise as I chose differently and did all that I personally could to ensure that my relationships were sound and on good footing. I looked for negative patterns and actively changed them. You have to be a little introspective but you seem like an intelligent girl. You can do this. Then you carve out whatever kind of life you want for yourself.
Example, if you want a traditional kind of holiday that is peaceful and happy---- you create a family life condusive to that.
Therapy always helps get us to where we want to be. Good investment in your future to explore these things with a professional. Lots of luck sweetie
The counseling as AB mentioned is ideal.....recommending that too.
I think I would be packing my bags and heading home. You don't need to deal with this nonsense.
I guess to help answer your questions, no, i live in Los Angeles and work as a chef. I moved out on my own at 17, partly to escape the conflicts. The worst part of this is they are taking care of my 4 year old niece who witnesses all of this. She even came up to me earlier today while I was in another room avoiding the chaos, and said "Why is Grandpa being mean to Grandma?" and it just killed me because I wish somebody could've answered the same question for me at that age.
Tell your dad you will see him later, and go. You had to listen to this when you were a kid, you don't have to now. You are not responsible for the choices he makes, even if it means him being alone in his retirement years, any more than he is responsible for the choices you make. Get some counseling, too. All those years of erosive fighting around you have had to had an impact, and even if not, it will help you now, in learning what lines to draw with your parents behaving in such an immature and off-balance way.
Neither then, nor now, are you responsible for your dad's happiness or lack thereof. You are only responsible to try to make yourself happy, and not to visit his stupid patterns on your future children.
Take care.
"In the situation" is supposed to be "In this situation."
Do you live with them?
"My natural instincts tell me to just stay quiet and avoid the situation......." In the situation I would say GO with your instinct. It's their marriage and they are responsible for the chaos in it. No need to take sides IMO.