am I wasting my time

[misscutie1]

I've been in a relationship with a guy for 1.5 years he is not abusive at all but the first year I was only one making an effort to see him we live 40 minutes apart now since he staying with his buddy I asked if he wanted to move in with me he said no because he hates my town and Dont like living with people first three months he tried breaking up but yet said he was confused so I'm tired of missing him and only seeing him once a week am I wasting my time?

[AnnieBrooke]

If the very best thing you can drum up to say about him is that he is not abusive at all, I would say that the dating pickings in your town must be slim indeed to make this guy seem like someone you want.  He's not that into you, you're doing all the work, what is wrong with this picture?

[misscutie1]

Thank you so much

[misscutie1]

Thank you so much I'll look into it its also with friendships to I'm the only one making the effort one sided does suck

[Nighthawk61]

I'm glad you can admit that it is one sided. There's a saying ," this will go nowhere, fast"  This one sided relationship is nowhere. You being in it, is nowhere. I know you may be lonely, but it's not good for your soul to be with someone who doesn't care enough to make an effort. It hurts you more to always be second, than if you were alone, You will not find any other, until you can leave this one and get on with your life, so i sincerely hope that you do go and speak to a therapist. Otherwise, you will likely find yourself in the same exact position as you were in April 2016, April 2017, Let's make Easter 2018 look a whole lot different for you. But it will take work and a concentrated effort to get it done. Please know you can send me a message anytime and i'll reply within a day. No worries. You don't have to do this alone. I'm here for you. We're friends for a reason. I've been where you are, but right now i'm living with an amazing caring loving gentle man who puts me first always. Who looks after me when i'm sick, who cares 24/7. That's what you need. You have to work your way to it and deserve it. First things first, please try therapy. and please, try to resist another booty call., that's leading nowhere.

Who knows, if y ou start to show him that you respect yourself enough to resist his charms for a good time once a week, he may even wake up and give you what you need and deserve. Life is a game of cause and effect. If you give him no reason to change, he wont'. If you demand that he does or else you're over, he may think about it and rethink your importance in his life. Who knows. Maybe, Maybe Not. What do you have to lose? (just feeling bad.)

You'll move on and recover from this, and you'll find someone better. Please have faith and hope and keep in touch, you need someone to help you make the moves that will result in a better quality of life for you. We can talk by private message now if you wish.

[misscutie1]

Thank you so very much to take the time out and write me this yes I own my own home and business and ya he tells me he loves me but I'm not so sure actions do speak louder than words I do know this I just have a hard time letting go people says it takes time but seems the more time passes the more I miss them  it should be the opposite way around though I just need to learn how to let go is all

[Nighthawk61]

I really think that you need to talk to a therapist. I think you should talk about how to have expectations for your love interests, and how to and when to react when these expectations are not being met. I know that a lot of people find good marriage prospects with online dating, but i really think that before getting into any relationships that you need to talk to a therapist about boundaries, and expectations,. I think having a mentor (in your therapist) it will help you a great deal. If you find that you are not feeling a good vibe with the first therapist, check out another one. If it were me, i would look online to find a therapist. There you can read about them and what their specialties are. See if you like them on paper, before you go to meet them. I'd love to hear that you're  seeking this type of relationship, i think it will help you to make the best decisions for you that will lead you confidently into the future. I'm here if you ever need to talk.  Liz

[misscutie1]

Well he said eventually anyway

[Nighthawk61]

he's getting something out of it and that's why he's not gone, if the pickings are slim for you, they're slim for him too. I wouldn't trust that a guy like that wouldn't trade you in for a prettier model should it come about. (something you don';t have to worry about with a someone who is solid). I think this guy's a flake. Problem is with guys that don't have anything going for them i s that they're so far down the food chain, they have little to offer anyone with anything going for them, so they string anyone whose available for sex once a week, sadly possibly so they don't have to pay for it.  When you cry alone, this is the reason why chances are. They're pathetic and the only thing that makes them feel better, is to have someone who they consider more pathetic. I don't think he's anywhere near thinking with empathy about how you must feel with his actions towards you and believe me there are many people who go to their graves with the same mentality. All because he lacks passion and commitment towards the opposite sex. It's many times the result of misogyny (a hatred of women). I think he's a predator that takes happily without ever having to give. He might even move in if he needs a place to stay. If you're working to provide a place for him, why not? While other types of men work their butts off working or in school to provide for their families in a good and just way, the predator has no empathy for those they use. I think you're being used and I think you can do better. I'm sorry honey, but the proof you have is how often you are left feeling bereft and empty with what he has to offer. You hear stories like this all the time, and it usually ends up with long draw out dating that leads nowhere. A women's best years go by and while they're being bamboozed with ??!!@#$#@ their own chances of love and marriage slip away.

Get out  of this even if it means that you make a change that involves moving to a new town . Do you work and pay your own way? Do you have an apartment and a place to stay that he wouldn't have to contribute to.? What do you think he has to offer? Does he tell you that he loves you? Even guys that use women tell them that they love them (sometimes they may believe it, unaware that they have been raised that they don't have a clue how to love a partner, and sometimes they feel no love, only that they need something going on for their ego). Something tells me he's the kind that won't even tell a women he loves them.  The worse kind of misogynistic puke.  I feel really bad for you that nothings changed from this time last year when you posted the same post. That means that you've been suffering being used for the whole last 12 months, and that makes me really sad. The reason why i'm saying this is that i've had my share of this type of "favorite waste of time" guys myself. All I can say from the bottom of my heart, is that if you can find the strength to figure out your own expectations in a man, you can find the happiness that you deserve. You need to make a change in your life, and it will take you wanting more for yourself. If you're truly there, you can make the changes to have a whole different view of life in a years time. Please do this for yourself.

[misscutie1]

Now he thinking about moving in sooo kinda confused really

[Nighthawk61]

Yeah, i think you are wasting your time , big time.  Moreso now than your post from almost a year ago today which said the same thing, almost verbatim. Last time you and he lived 40 minutes apart, so i don't think anything has changed. I think he's using you , probably for sex once a week, and you're too afraid to see it and too afraid to make a change.   As with previous advice, i think you need to seek the help of a good therapist, who might make some suggestions that motivate you to focusing solely on you , to put together a plan so that in a years time, you'll be in a better position and outlook, and where you can meet quality men to date. As it stands, it sounds like the pickings may be fairly slim in your dating pool and you may feel there's not many choices for you. It could not be further from the truth. You can be anything you want and you can go anywhere you want. You are the conductor of your own ship. You just need to learn how to sail. Like many. You're not alone.