attracted to another man should i leave my husband?

[Laurka]

HI!!! so glad i found this forum.. Hope to get some fresh opinion, please help! I have been married for over 3 years, no kids. Everything started from such a strong love... he proposed after three dates... we were married in 6 months. I am 25 years old now, and my husband is 42 years old... once upon a time, we used to have such a passionate and mind-altering intimate relationship.... however it's been so long ago... Now, we have sex once in three months. And i found myself in the situation when I am madly attracted to another man... with my whole heart and sexually...There is nothing i can do without thinking of him...think he is attracted to me as well (but he does not know i am married) and he is 24 years old we have more in common then i do with my husband. I now came to the conclusion that my sexual life with my husband is not going to improve in the future, and if i stay i will be stuck like this for the rest of my life... but i have so much respect for him

[lilmsd]

Hi.
     First just let me say that love is an involuntary reflex that sometimes gets the best of us.  Women are individuals that search for what they need not what they want and this apply to not only the young but older as well.  I was married at an early age myself, 23 to be exact, and my husband 43. I tried everything in my power to gain back what we had when we were first married, but it just seemed the more I gave, nothing worked.  I am really not clear on what your situation is since that I have only been a member of this forum for a few days now.  We as individual need to focus on the future of our relationships.  Because the past is just that the past.  Mind you it will always be apart of us, but some things are just better left as they are.  Its understandable that you are attracted to someone of your own age.  Its even ok to have those feelings.  However, until the marriage is reconciled or resolved in some way, its always a good idea to maintain what ever professionalism you have left in you to try and get along with your current spouse.  So take your time.  I am sure that you will make the right decision.  Best of luck.

[polaris3276]

My husband doesn't care enough about our family to work more than 20 hours a wekk.  He has no health problems.  He has it made-in-the-shade because he lets me make up for his lack of care.  I can't imagine complaining that he works too much.  Be careful what you complain about.....I'd switch places withyou any day!   Be grateful he loves your family enough to go out and do the work he does so well!

[carpenterson]

Laurka,  I cannot urge you strongly enough to give absolutely everything you can to strengthen your commitment to your marriage, your husband, and to yourself.  There are so many reasons, I cannot begin to list them all.  But at the very least, you will be a better human being to learn the true meaning of commitment that is for a lifetime.

All humans are subject to being attracted to others of the opposite sex; Believe it or not, there is soooo much more to marriage than the sex; take it from a male of the species who loves sex as much as anyone.  We can go through life following our sexual desires from relationship to relationship, and never experience a relationship that grows out of being fully, 100% committed for life to another person, learning to trust and be trusted enough to be intimate on every level, accepting each other after becoming naked and vulnerable before one another in EVERY way; emotionally, intellectually, relationally, physically, etc.  You will find a fullfillment that exceeds any sexual fullfillment you can experience, which is deeper and more abiding; the foundation for a lifetime of love on a level that is apart from your sexual relationship, and will, ultimately, enhance your expression of sexual love for one another by adding a level of emotional and relational fullfillment that will still be with you when you are 55 like me, or older, and make you eternally thankful that you did not give up just now.  You will learn to love the person you become if you can learn to commit yourself to getting to know and appreciate the man you are married to; makign the effort to see and understand life through his eyes, and be willing to let him know you better than anyone else on the face of the earth.

Or, you could just bail out now and open yourself up to a world of pain and problems that take years to put behind you, and potentially exact emotional and relational scars that will affect every subsequent relationship you enter.

[jo929]

I think the song goes---has the new worn off of your crystal chandeliers, and does his ring hurt your finger when you go out at night if you are going to cheat, might as well go for the divorce , i do not think it is right to go behind some-ones back, might as well leave, and give the husband a chance to find someone else,I have seen lots of this, and they always think the grass is greener on the other side  jo

[dazedtoday]

Hello all. I also can relate to your situations but I think that I am really in a mess at this point of my life. I have been with my husband for 14 years. We were highschool sweethearts so we are both in our thirties. 14 years and two very wonderful children and I still feel attracted to other men. My problem is that I have always deeply loved my husband and never got the attention or compassion from him. In fact my husband has a very bland personality, period. I met someone else a while back and my husband found out. We seperated for about a week and then he came home. And although I got back with him I am still seeing the other man. (I know, wow) The thing is, my husband is the hottest guy I have ever layed eyes on, he is also wonderful in the bedroom, but he just never talked and we really have nothing (besides the children) in common. I have never truly been happy with him but was always proud to be his wife and just felt that I made the vow so to bad. The new man in my life is the total opposite. He makes me smile and laugh non-stop, and we are almost too much alike. It is wonderful when I am with him. I feel amost complete. When I am not, I go insane trying to act as if I am still happy with my husband because yes i stayed with him for the children and for financial reasons. Now comes the dilema of not being able to look at myself in the mirror and feeling like a huge sinner. I would reccomend to anyone who is ever thinking of having an affair to just block the thought out and try to make your marriage work first. If and when it does not work and you decide to leave, do it. Then worry about meeting someone else because the troubling thoughts and inner fight you will experience is not fun. As far as my situation is going well, I still don't know what the heck I am doing but I can't seem to leave the other man and really don't want to tear my family apart but feel that it is the only option. Reading all of your comments though have really made me think that maybe I am just being premature on leaving and to give up my happiness for my family and eventually I will be able to rekindle something with my husband. I just don't know. I do know that counsling is not an option because he doesn't believe in it and if I tell him I am having any negative thoughts he will be gone. So if anyone has any advice for me, I would be more than happy to hear it. Thank you.

[jo929]

you knew what you were gettig into when you married you must have a great guy for putting up with you i know this couple  her husband had cancer the whole works they had to do a lot of things he cant have sex she regrets that he cant that was 4 years ago she is still with him she said she married him for better or for worse she is one great person and she does not run around on him. to me you sound like a selfish person and will probably leave in the long run   jo