attracted to another man should i leave my husband?

[Laurka]

HI!!! so glad i found this forum.. Hope to get some fresh opinion, please help! I have been married for over 3 years, no kids. Everything started from such a strong love... he proposed after three dates... we were married in 6 months. I am 25 years old now, and my husband is 42 years old... once upon a time, we used to have such a passionate and mind-altering intimate relationship.... however it's been so long ago... Now, we have sex once in three months. And i found myself in the situation when I am madly attracted to another man... with my whole heart and sexually...There is nothing i can do without thinking of him...think he is attracted to me as well (but he does not know i am married) and he is 24 years old we have more in common then i do with my husband. I now came to the conclusion that my sexual life with my husband is not going to improve in the future, and if i stay i will be stuck like this for the rest of my life... but i have so much respect for him

[sanek522]

I am in need of some much needed advice because i need to hear other peoples opinions that are not bias. I have been in a marriage for 8 years second marriage no children together. We have always had many struggles in our marriage espeically with his ex-wife and daughter. He has always taken his ex's side and has never done anything about all the hardship and financial problems she has caused. He never put me first in the marriage over his exwife and over the years i have grown very resentful. I once had a very good reason to think that he cheated on me because of a picture i found in his car of an exgirlfried that he still works with everyday. Along with her picture was pictures of porn. I have caught him in repeated lies and do not trust him. He has been abusive too has never directly hit me but has been physical in many arguments. He is also a negative person and it brings me down to be around him, and can be very possesive The good side to him is that the last year or so he has finally listened to me as far as what bothers me in our marriage and is trying to be better. He is a good husband as far as he cleans, does things for me and i think he truly loves me. After all these years i have had enough have grown resentful, fallen out of love and have met someone else. He has been divorced for 6 years, a very good father, funny, smart, stable and is in love with me  and i have fallen in love with him. and he has recently asked me to marry him. The only drawback is he lives in my hometown in another state and i would have to move, he lives where i have family this part would be a plus to moving back there if i was to marry him. This relationship is 4 months old and i am still too afraid to make a decision. My daughter lives with me and I don't want to uproot her from her school but at the same time she knows im unhappy and doesn't like my husband at all..... HELP I NEED ADVICE... COMPLICATED

[vivo250]

i have the same problem i love my husband he is 55 years am 26 i have never seen a man who treats me well looks after me like him but there is a problem we had good sex life before when we were dating but after getting married and having a child the sex life is gone its like i beg my husband to touch me or make love to me. he bought me toys but they make me feel disgusted when using them when he is lying next to me. if i try to initiate it he says he wants to go to sleep i want to leave my husband but i have a 2year old daughter with him i do not know what to do i have tried to get him go counseling with me he wouldn't go at all i feel trapped i need help  thanks.

[specialmom]

Well Monach, it is impossible to have it all.  You can't stay with your husband just because you don't want others to be mad at you for leaving him.  You don't have kids and while being friends is nice, it does not mean you have to stay married.  If you cheat . . . you are instantly the bad guy with no other explanation for your actions.  How do you think your friends would look at you then.  So, you either try to make your marriage work and be rid of the other guy or you leave your husband and attempt to be with the other guy after the divorce is final.

Statistically, a relationship that starts while one party is still married almost always fails.  If you won't divorce your husband before getting more involved with the other man because it is the right thing to do . . . then be selfish and give your new relationship a better chance of making it long term.  

goodluck

[monarch42]

I have recently met someone that understands me in a way that my husband cannot. We are becoming increasingly close and have similiar feelings about were our relationship could go if I were not married. I have been married to my husband for five years now (together for eight). We have no children. We go months without sex and when there is sex there is no romance or communication. Since we have been married, he doesn't even consider my needs. He constantly ignores me and if I talk to him about my feelings he just tries to have sex not talk. We are  friends through and though and have a lot of other things in common, but no passion together or continuity in our life goals (ie....I want a family, he could care less). I am considering leaving him, but don't know how without losing friends along the way. Also, I don't know how to communicate my issues to him.

[specialmom]

I think anytime you say that you are married but have a boyfriend for sex, well--------- the marriage is over.  Frankly, your husband deserves better than that.  If he is a great guy . . . you should have attempted to fix the problems in the relationship.  Gone to counseling and worked really hard to try and resolve it.  If you couldn't, then it was time to move on.  Getting a new guy before then is really not appropriate no matter what your relationship is like.  Lack of sex with your husband is not grounds for cheating.  If sex is that important (which who could fault you for that)------- then leave the husband and pursue your sex life elsewhere.  

Not trying to be harsh, but that is the reality of this situation as I see it.  Good luck

[penswriter]

I'll never understand cheating. There is NO NO NO NO excuse for it. No sex? Oh well, get a divorce. Honestly, if this were the husband posting this...I'd tell him to get a divorce, custody of the child and move on with life. He doesn't deserve it. HE deserves to be with someone who will truly love him and not use him. I feel sorry for the husband.