attracted to another man should i leave my husband?

[Laurka]

HI!!! so glad i found this forum.. Hope to get some fresh opinion, please help! I have been married for over 3 years, no kids. Everything started from such a strong love... he proposed after three dates... we were married in 6 months. I am 25 years old now, and my husband is 42 years old... once upon a time, we used to have such a passionate and mind-altering intimate relationship.... however it's been so long ago... Now, we have sex once in three months. And i found myself in the situation when I am madly attracted to another man... with my whole heart and sexually...There is nothing i can do without thinking of him...think he is attracted to me as well (but he does not know i am married) and he is 24 years old we have more in common then i do with my husband. I now came to the conclusion that my sexual life with my husband is not going to improve in the future, and if i stay i will be stuck like this for the rest of my life... but i have so much respect for him

[sosad2011]

:( i need some advice...
I'm 23 my fiance is 52 ... I know i know AGE GAP! i've been with him since 17 and i was soooo in love with him and was up until 18 months ago yet things have gone downhill i'm so upset because i can't bear to hurt him and he wouldn't cope but i am so unhappy inside ...he has been amazing such an amazing person and supported me finacially and i can't do it without him... but i am never with him as he always works and his 52 turning 53! :( i was so stupud to think a age gap wouldn't end up being soooo hard
i am so lost , sad and feel like im wasting my life and staying out of guilt . He is the NICEST kindest person i have ever met with no family members alive and i can't imagine what it would do to the kindest loving ssoul he has if i left ...
Im soooo unhappy :'(
Im unloved as his not very affectionate and never has been (yet loves and adores me)
His been amazing but im now ashamed of our age gap it never used to bother me as i loved him   . ..
so lost i've always been so grounded :'( want to cry.

[jojo_pezza]

So many people seem to be going through the same thing here and some brilliant advice, I wonder if anyone may have some experience in my problem.

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years, engaged for 2 and living together for about 1. From the day I started going out with him until now, I have never had the feeling of butterflies and there's never been any passion between us - we started our relationship having weekends away and having a laugh and we still have a laugh every day now. Hes my best friend and I love him very much, but we'd rather be sat in a pub somewhere having a chat than at home being intimate or being close etc.

However, I'm not attracted to him anymore and don't think I have been for most of our relationship but it's just becoming more apparant. We don't kiss unless it's a peck on the cheek and we sleep together about twice a month. He's also not very intelligent, which I don't wish to sound awful, but I have to explain a lot to him, sort out any problems with the house/car etc, sort the finances etc and it can sometimes feel like I'm speaking to a child. I ask for his advice and try and see if we can share some responsibilities but it ultimately comes down to me.

I've mentioned to him before that I'm not very happy with us anymore and think we may have fallen out of love but it's usually been when we've had a bit to drink and I feel brave enough, and the next day we don't speak about it. But I've been getting gradually more and more thinking, 'Is this really it for me now??!' At the same time, I do care for him a lot and think he's very sweet and cute and don't know how I could get used to a routine without him in it or not come home from work and want to talk to him about something.

I recently met someone when I was out on a girls night and oh my gosh I don't know what happened in my head but I can't stop thinking about him. Now I know you're probably thinking it's infatuation etc, but I don't really get attracted to other men normally and when I met this guy, I didn't look at him and think how attractive he was, I just thought I need to talk to him. Then before I knew it, he was saying the same thing to me!! We only spent about half an hr together, he took my phone number but I've told him I can't meet him at all until I know in my head what I'm doing.

Since then, I absolutely don't know what to do because it's just amplified my feelings ten-fold. This guy seems strong-minded, intelligent and as if he could actually support me emotionally, rather than someone I have to look after all the time. We clicked so much that I didn't even know it was possible and I just can't stop thinking about him.

I will not cheat on my boyfriend and I want to understand what it is I want and need so I can begin doing something about it either way. It isn't really about the new guy I've met because I'm not splitting up with or staying with my boyfriend depending on that, but it has just made me realise that there are men out there who I honestly think I'd be happier with (and therefore people who my boyfriend can be happier with too).

I just wonder if anyone has had the same experience and managed to fall back in love with their boyfriends/husbands? Or do you think he's just a good friend to me now?

[specialmom]

I do, however, thank you for sharing your story laleaham.  So often we get these posts from people with their heads in the clouds that do not understand the reality of it all.  You just want to shake them and say "wake up".  The statistics on situations that start like this are pretty clear ------------ very few make it.  I wish more people would read stories like yours to understand what their foolishness will end up doing to their life (and their kids.)  Thanks for sharing.

[perch101]

Hi Laleaham - the person you are posting you posted this about 6 years ago - its an old post. If you want new posts, the first page of the forum are usually  new ones and you can check the date. :-)

[laleaham]

Hi....

I have read through most of these posts and I would like to tell you a little about my story.

I have been married to my ex-husband for 16 years. At about 14 years I started thinking about all the things that annoyed me about him. He is a good man and has been amazing to me, but he is slobby and has bad grammar and never helps clean up... but he is so sweet and we never fought. We always worked stuff out. Anyway, I stopped being sexually attracted to him and thought I had just lost my sexuality. Then one day I started talking with a man at work.. we got really close and soon we were meeting to make out. He was so romantic (my ex doesn't have a romantic bone in his body), and I thought that was amazing. Anyway, one thing led to another and I ended up sleeping with him. I divorced my husband 3 months ago and since then have had insane amounts of anxiety. I have had panic attacks and a constant knot in my stomach. I just felt/feel that what I did was wrong on so many levels. My ex was/is such a great guy and just because I became bored with him, I started looking for excitement elsewhere. Well, here I am living on my own and I miss him so much. He said he would take me back in a heart beat if I would commit to him again fully. I am going to do that, cause the level of security that I had with him far surpasses the fun and excitement I've had with the other guy. I care about the other guy, but he will always be the man I cheated on my husband with. I will always feel guilty and hateful of myself. I want my life back and I want my loving husband back. I am going to figure out how to fall back in love with him and get my life back. Anyway, my point is... please do not cheat on him. If you feel you really need to be on your own. Talk to him and then leave.. even get a divorce. See how it goes. It might be right for you. OR the other thing you could do is go to couple's counseling and fix what you have now. It is really nice waking up to your sweet, familiar, comfortable man who loves you more than anything.
Just my two cents worth.

[specialmom]

Hi.  Yes, complicated indeed.  Well, first let me tell you that I never advocate for a new relationship to start before ending the one we are currently in.

Why?  Well----------- first, it is wrong to cheat.  Second, any hope of this new relationship working out is diminished by the cheating aspect as to how it started.  (statistics show that these relationships rarely last).  Third, trust between new partners starts out rocky as the new person in your life knows that if you become unhappy that you have no problem moving on into another relationship while still with him------------- so he will constantly doubt you (and maybe rightly so).  And in your situation, fourth-------- you have a daughter.  Show your daughter that you have mind over matter and can do things the right way.  

So, no.  You should not uproot your daughter and move to the new guy's town.  

If your marriage is over, then end it.  Then take a break to become your own person--------- not a person that goes from person to person.  Essential to regroup and think about what went wrong in the newly ended relationship.  Everyone plays a hand in a relationships demise.  So, what was your part?  You picked the guy, right?  So do some soul searching about what you could have done better in this relationship.  Also, think about patterns you've had with men and make sure you don't repeat it.  This soul searching takes time.  I'd say a year but I'm guessing you won't wait that long.  But at least six months.  Then you can begin dating this new guy.  DATING.  Not moving to where he lives with your child.  If he is dedicated to you--------- he'll also consider moving closer.  And moving right in together.  Please do not do this.  Live on your own with your daughter so she gets the message that we don't HAVE to live with a man to be okay.  

The above is my opinion.  Good luck