become more social/ Talking to people....HEEELLLPP!!!!!

[tallguy93]

How can  i get people to talk to me and how can i talk to them

i'm a hi school student who does wel in his studies...but i dont do all htat great with my social life.

the friends i had in gr.8 are finding new friends and are hanging out with them. How can i do that too?

whenever i want to talk to someone. i dont know what to talk about?...HEEELLLPPP!!!

its not that im shy...i can talk to pl but i just cant communicate with them all that well or make them laugh. how can i be more social???

[AnxiousGurl]

Be yourself ! Get involved in activities as stated above that will give you something to talk about. Talk about the topics your learning at school that interest you, or expand on your feelings about various topics. Once your able to communicate your views, they will then state their views. Many times that will open up and branch off to other topics and views, or many times will end in a debate!!

Best wishes !!!!

[RockRose]

Ask other people to talk about themselves,  and they will talk to you.   For sure.  

For example,  

What did you do last weekend?
Did you go to the football game?
What a cool shirt. I love it.  Where did you find that?

and on and on.

Stop trying to make people laugh,  and start trying to get them to open up to you.  Maintain eye contact,  and act interested.

[Jasmine205]

First off, stop putting so much pressure on yourself, making it the end all be all for yourself will only set you up for failure,I think. Your nerves about even attempting to talk with others will defeat you.

You have to realize every person has their own gifts and talents and interesting bits that they can bring to any group or social situation. Stop thinking you might be less than anyone else, you aren't. Those other people you see being social have private problems and issues too, like anyone else.. No one is better than anyone else, even if they pretend they are.

You should talk about things happening in the news, music or movies for starters stuff ppl are chatting about in the now, right now around you. That is the best common ground to start off with.And don't worry about sounding hip/cool..just show you are interested in the topic and what others have to say, maybe ask them a few questions to get the conversation rolling...
Little steps work best over giant leaps... But I am sure in time you'll grow the confidence you need.. Best of luck in the trying, okay.

[brooklyn_gal]

Have you considered joining after school activities?  clubs? or play sports?

Chess clubs, debate club, a volunteer group, etc.

What are your interests?

[Jaybay]

Do you find that you're simply letting your old friends slip away from you and not making new ones?  You'll make many friends and acquaintances in your life, some of whom may even be life-long friends, but most will eventually go in other directions.

Is the issue that people are deserting you personally, or that you have found other intests that don't allow much time for socializing with them?  

I was extremely shy at your age and had to purposely set out to change myself.  Odd that I could "come alive" on a stage with my dancing, but one-on-one I was a dismal failure.  So, I started observing the students who seemed to have no problem socializing and communicating.  The first thing I noticed was that they were usually smiling.  Then I thought about myself.  I rarely smiled.  I was miserably shy and it was written all over my face.  Not very inviting to say the least.  :-)

Take baby steps.  Go a tiny bit out of your way to make eye contact with someone, smile, and say "hello".  Try it out during class changes so you don't panic over having to start a conversation.  Even a smile and a nod will help.  It's going to feel odd at first if you aren't in this habit already, but the next thing you know, everyone at school will think of you as "that guy who is nice to everybody!"  

One of the most overlooked characteristics of a good socializer and friend is that they actually listen to other people.  It's not an act.  How are your listening skills?

I know a man who is in his 50's now and is a Vietnam swift boat veteran.  Everyone who knows him would have pictured him as "Most Popular Dude" or "Most Likely to be a Politician" back in high school, but not so. He tells us he was a shy little geek (his words).  When he got out of the military, he decided life was too short to be miserable so he changed his attitude and behavior.  He's always the first to introduce himself to someone and strike up a conversation - about any and everything.  I swear, the man must know everyone in Houston by now, and most of Texas.  LOL!

You say you're doing well in school, and having an education and being informed are the building blocks of intelligent conversation.  Something tells me you probably get along better with older people than your classmates.  That's the way I was, and still am at the ripe old age of 45.  Other people may just need to play catchup to your lead in that department.  Above all, keep on smiling.  It's catching.  :-)