Aa
biology said yes, relationship says no
I'm 41 and 6 weeks pregnant for the very first time. It was unplanned. I was using the fertility awareness method (FAM) and just got overly confident I guess-- honestly didn't think I could get pregnant. The relationship is only six months old, love each other but he's younger (34) and not ready, neither do I feel ready-- he definitely wants to have an abortion. I've been feeling so sick lately that I can't seem to get my head around a decision but I know I have to... I still just can't believe I'm pregnant. Want to hear from ladies out there with similar experiences or insights in this situation. How would I do this alone? How do you do this with an unwilling partner?
I could never have an abortion. My sister had one and it destroyed her. If you consent to sex then you consent to the possibility of becoming a parent.
I hope your pregnancy ends in a happy birth and destiny.
BTW, I was in a relationship and I became pregnant at an awkward time. I never once thought of having an abortion.
I hope your pregnancy ends in a happy birth and destiny.
BTW, I was in a relationship and I became pregnant at an awkward time. I never once thought of having an abortion.
I agree with Carolina30, you had sex and you knew what could happen. I am not going to lecture you about abortion because it only gets me into trouble and way too worked up.
This may be your last chance to have a child, have you given that any thought? I would wait until you see your little one on an ultrasound to make your decision, I saw my little girl on ultrasound at 8 weeks along, you could see her body, her head, and little arms, and the starting of her little legs, it was an amazing sight. I would ask your partner to join you in watching your baby on screen.
Does he have any other children?
This may be your last chance to have a child, have you given that any thought? I would wait until you see your little one on an ultrasound to make your decision, I saw my little girl on ultrasound at 8 weeks along, you could see her body, her head, and little arms, and the starting of her little legs, it was an amazing sight. I would ask your partner to join you in watching your baby on screen.
Does he have any other children?
bump a partner. you're 41. baby making days are limited. as long as you're willing to be in it (parenthood) for the long haul and want it with all your might, i say go for it.
sometimes the only person in life you can count on is yourself. the only person many children can count on is mom. women from all walks of life are finding that out everyday. you can do it. loving and caring for your child comes easier than learning to do anything on this planet
sometimes the only person in life you can count on is yourself. the only person many children can count on is mom. women from all walks of life are finding that out everyday. you can do it. loving and caring for your child comes easier than learning to do anything on this planet
If you want to talk about the choices abortion or otherwise I can try to be an unbiased devils advocate. Given some of the religipous origins of some people I think you might already be on the border of being flamed lol. I've been in the situation from the male perspective, granted, but I'd be willing to try to help.
Be blessed
Sam
Be blessed
Sam
I agree with all thee above...
if he's not ready and not willing to take the responsibility for his actions than he can go on his merry way, you can only count on yourself these days as treasurez said, but make sure he pays up. He atleast owes you that much if he decides to be a deadbeat. Who knows as time goes on maybe he'll change his mind. I could never have an abortion no matter what my circumstances, that is a human being that is a blessing.
Good luck.
if he's not ready and not willing to take the responsibility for his actions than he can go on his merry way, you can only count on yourself these days as treasurez said, but make sure he pays up. He atleast owes you that much if he decides to be a deadbeat. Who knows as time goes on maybe he'll change his mind. I could never have an abortion no matter what my circumstances, that is a human being that is a blessing.
Good luck.
SeriousSam,
No one is unbiased--a devil's advocate takes a bias that is not popular and it helps to bring an awareness to that fact--it also highlights deficiencies in strategies.
Cheerio!
No one is unbiased--a devil's advocate takes a bias that is not popular and it helps to bring an awareness to that fact--it also highlights deficiencies in strategies.
Cheerio!
lol catie. No disrespect SS.
The choice is up to her whether its:abortion, adoption or to keep it....whatever you decide to do kjbandme...best wishes
The choice is up to her whether its:abortion, adoption or to keep it....whatever you decide to do kjbandme...best wishes
I'm with SeriousSam on this one, I think that you are very brave to post about abortion on this site. I went through the same situation recently and whilst I was pondering my options I thought about posting on here and then thought better of it.
I have had a termination recently and I can honestly say that it was the right decision and I personally do not have any regrets. I am not mentally fit to have another child at the moment and it was in everyone's best interests for me not to continue with the pregnancy.
I would sit down and think long and hard about whether you do ever see children in your future, if the answer is yes then bear in mind that there is never a right time to have children and there is always a reason not to as nothing is ever perfect. Do you see yourself staying with this man? If you had the baby would your relationship continue, would he stand by you? Will the relationship continue if you have a termination, will you be able to get through it together? Make sure that what ever you decide it is your decision and that you are happy that you can stand by your decision for the rest of your life.
The choice is yours and yours alone, it is also a very legal choice in a lot of countries so don't let people's opinions sway you whatever you decide. It is a hard one to make but you will get there in the end and please feel free to PM me if you need anything.
Best of luck to you, I know that this is far from easy
xxx
I have had a termination recently and I can honestly say that it was the right decision and I personally do not have any regrets. I am not mentally fit to have another child at the moment and it was in everyone's best interests for me not to continue with the pregnancy.
I would sit down and think long and hard about whether you do ever see children in your future, if the answer is yes then bear in mind that there is never a right time to have children and there is always a reason not to as nothing is ever perfect. Do you see yourself staying with this man? If you had the baby would your relationship continue, would he stand by you? Will the relationship continue if you have a termination, will you be able to get through it together? Make sure that what ever you decide it is your decision and that you are happy that you can stand by your decision for the rest of your life.
The choice is yours and yours alone, it is also a very legal choice in a lot of countries so don't let people's opinions sway you whatever you decide. It is a hard one to make but you will get there in the end and please feel free to PM me if you need anything.
Best of luck to you, I know that this is far from easy
xxx
I had an abortion 24 years ago and I regret everyday that goes by that I did it. At 41 you don't have too many days or opportunity's left to have a child. Your post mentioned biology says it's right, etc.
It sounds like you want a child. DFS and child services are there for a reason. If you feel overwhelmed go and fill out paperwork and get whatever help is available. They will also fill out the paperwork for your boyfriend to pay child support. Whatever you feel about it it's only right for the child to receive financial support from the father.
If you go through with it at first you may feel relief that's it's over. But as the years pass and you don't get pregnant again. The closer you get to menopause the worse you're going to feel. The more days you'll spend crying thinking about this growing child that isn't.
Sometimes we only get one chance. What do you want to do with yours?
It sounds like you want a child. DFS and child services are there for a reason. If you feel overwhelmed go and fill out paperwork and get whatever help is available. They will also fill out the paperwork for your boyfriend to pay child support. Whatever you feel about it it's only right for the child to receive financial support from the father.
If you go through with it at first you may feel relief that's it's over. But as the years pass and you don't get pregnant again. The closer you get to menopause the worse you're going to feel. The more days you'll spend crying thinking about this growing child that isn't.
Sometimes we only get one chance. What do you want to do with yours?
Your story always hurts to read. I want to thank you for always coming forward and sharing your experiences.
No matter if you use the word "abortion" or "termination" the result is still the same... you are still ending a precious life.
No matter if you use the word "abortion" or "termination" the result is still the same... you are still ending a precious life.
its ur own decision.... though d days r pretty less for u to go for another child but if u r not willing to b a parent u cannot force urself n go for d child's birth... emotions vary frm women to women n if dis abortion doesnt affect ur emotions too den go for it... its better to go for an abortion instead of callin ur own baby "an unwanted child".......... but juz think twice before takin dis decision... dis will affect ur whole life......
Thank you so much for your kind and sane words. Why on 'this site' is abortion so touchy? isn't this a medical website? it's funny how this has gone from being a political issue to a very personal one... in any case thank you and hearing your story certainly does encourage me to think everything through... i'm taking a few days off to do that. will keep in touch.
kj,
i am in total agreement with goodeys. and you are right, this is a medical website, but to be totally fair, you were not really asking a technical medical question, but a personal one....
i know it is a hard choice and people can get very passionate about this subject, especially those of us that are mother's and know what a joy a child is, even in the worst of situations. i believe that it is a womans choice and we should have the freedom to make that choice, and goodeys is right....you need to make an informed decision and do what YOU think is right. take care and God bless!! xxxxx
i am in total agreement with goodeys. and you are right, this is a medical website, but to be totally fair, you were not really asking a technical medical question, but a personal one....
i know it is a hard choice and people can get very passionate about this subject, especially those of us that are mother's and know what a joy a child is, even in the worst of situations. i believe that it is a womans choice and we should have the freedom to make that choice, and goodeys is right....you need to make an informed decision and do what YOU think is right. take care and God bless!! xxxxx
Well, you asked for insight from people in a similar situation. I am like MrsOckert. I aborted my child over 20 years ago, and have regretted it every single day since. I never gave myself a chance to think about it and allowed the father's wishes to guide my actions. Ultimately, it was all my choice and I will bear the guilt of my actions until the day I die.
That is something you don't hear much about in the ongoing abortion debates: the mental aspect of the potential mother. I grew up hearing how "lucky" women were to finally have this wonderful "choice" and "reproductive freedom." What a bunch of bull tacos. I know the truth of the matter: I killed my one and only child. I never could conceive again and now it's too late. Men and women who have never been through an abortion really have no idea how emotionally damaging it is.
This topic is not something I talk about. Not many people who know me know what I did. Why? Because I am ashamed of myself - weak word though that is. The more time that goes by, the more I am convinced there is no forgiveness for my actions. Mine. Me. Not the father. Not the doctor. Not society. Not my parents. Me.
Were I able to do it all over again knowing what I know now, I never would have done it. Whether I would have put the child up for adoption, I don't know. What I do know is that I am tortured and will be for the rest of my life. And it's my own d*** fault. It was the ultimate act of selfishness.
I can only hope that more women question that so-called "choice" and look further than the immediate removal of a problem. Abortion not only kills a child; it is an emotional killer as well.
That is something you don't hear much about in the ongoing abortion debates: the mental aspect of the potential mother. I grew up hearing how "lucky" women were to finally have this wonderful "choice" and "reproductive freedom." What a bunch of bull tacos. I know the truth of the matter: I killed my one and only child. I never could conceive again and now it's too late. Men and women who have never been through an abortion really have no idea how emotionally damaging it is.
This topic is not something I talk about. Not many people who know me know what I did. Why? Because I am ashamed of myself - weak word though that is. The more time that goes by, the more I am convinced there is no forgiveness for my actions. Mine. Me. Not the father. Not the doctor. Not society. Not my parents. Me.
Were I able to do it all over again knowing what I know now, I never would have done it. Whether I would have put the child up for adoption, I don't know. What I do know is that I am tortured and will be for the rest of my life. And it's my own d*** fault. It was the ultimate act of selfishness.
I can only hope that more women question that so-called "choice" and look further than the immediate removal of a problem. Abortion not only kills a child; it is an emotional killer as well.
Oh here they are........I didnt know what happened to the thread..........yes it IS a medical thread but it gets personal when you speak of a human being a fetus who didnt choose life or death. Thats all. I wish you the best.
Maybe the difficulty in your decision is a pure lack of knowledge. I have ultrasound pictures of all three of my children at exactly 6 weeks pregnant. They have little beating hearts that you can see and count who very quickly turn into amazing people. It is nothing but murder to make the choice to end it.
I truly wish you well, and will pray that you can be strong and get through this very difficult time in your life. There are WORSE things that can happen to a grown woman other than pregnancy.
I truly wish you well, and will pray that you can be strong and get through this very difficult time in your life. There are WORSE things that can happen to a grown woman other than pregnancy.
My personal opinion of abortion happens to mirror many of those that have already posted, including pixijal ... however, I do understand how kjbandme is feeling right now. I too found myself pregnant at a time in my life when it was not optimal and I would be lying if I told you that the thought of abortion never crossed my mind, no matter how fleeting it was.
From what I read of your post, it isn't looking to me like abortion is necessarily the path you wish to choose. It looks to me like you are scared and are feeling very alone. Let me assure you from someone that has been there... There will be no joy in your life (both past experiences and those to come) that will compare with the joy that child will bring into your life. Can you do it alone? Absolutely! It is amazing what women are capable of when put to the test. It can feel like a thankless job at times, but the rewards are endless as well.
As far as the boyfriend goes ... if it works out great for you and great for your child. If it doesn't ... you can take over those roles yourself and find family and friends to help out with that male role model as well.
I wish you the best of luck and please keep us posted.
From what I read of your post, it isn't looking to me like abortion is necessarily the path you wish to choose. It looks to me like you are scared and are feeling very alone. Let me assure you from someone that has been there... There will be no joy in your life (both past experiences and those to come) that will compare with the joy that child will bring into your life. Can you do it alone? Absolutely! It is amazing what women are capable of when put to the test. It can feel like a thankless job at times, but the rewards are endless as well.
As far as the boyfriend goes ... if it works out great for you and great for your child. If it doesn't ... you can take over those roles yourself and find family and friends to help out with that male role model as well.
I wish you the best of luck and please keep us posted.
What about becoming a parent frightens you? You say "neither do I feel ready-- he definitely wants to have an abortion", it sounds like his feelings are swaying your decision about what to do. I am personally against abortion unless it must be done for medical reasons. Children are a blessing, a gift from God. Not many people feel ready to become parents when they find out they are pregnant. A child is a lifelong committment. Good luck making your decision.
Abortion is "bad" on this site largely because because of the education/religious background of the most militant posters. who have started to make their presence known on your post.
Plus it depends on the amount of regret that the people have regarding their lives.
Neither myself, nor my family members have had easy lives, as I offered before I am here if you want to bounce ideas off of someone.
Plus it depends on the amount of regret that the people have regarding their lives.
Neither myself, nor my family members have had easy lives, as I offered before I am here if you want to bounce ideas off of someone.
We often find ourselves regretting major decisions in our lives. Those who do regret such a major decision will obviously be more vocal about it, and will want to share what happened to them.
I believe that such a personal decision should be made after much soul searching and examining all the options. If it remains the right decision FOR YOU, after looking at all angles, you should do what you feel is best.
I believe that such a personal decision should be made after much soul searching and examining all the options. If it remains the right decision FOR YOU, after looking at all angles, you should do what you feel is best.
I'm interested in your opinion on all this from the man's perspective... my boyfriend has been helpful, came to dr. with me, cooked for me but everything is this awful burden on his face-- I would hate for a child to see that look on their father, resentful, like I have gone from being his wonderful girlfriend to a burdensome complication in his life.
He never looks happy to see me anymore. He doesn't want to make bigger commitments in light of the situation (live together or get married) but also doesn't want to break up. I feel that just dating in this situation causes more problems than it's worth, too much uncertainty and weirdness. He wants to have an abortion. He's being sort of passive-aggressive. I called him late one night to ask for help (I had a splitting migraine, was dizzy and throwing up) and he ignored my calls and then lied about having heard the messages. I was stunned... I could use a sense of security and protection right now, I haven't felt this vulnerable in a long time.
Is this is first child?
I have to say that my sister was sick her entire pregnancy, and it wore thin on my brother in law, he never looked happy either.
Do you guys talk about anything other than the pregnancy? Maybe a little break from it all would help. It is still all so new to him.
I am a mother and I am very proud of my little mini me. Her name is Ava, and my pregnancy was complicated. I knew her Daddy only 2 months, and like you I did not think that I could get pregnant - after all I was 30 years old and had only been pregnant once and that was 10 years prior. I was a dumb butt for not using protection, but I have what is called a didelphic uterus, so I was only given a 30% chance of becoming pregnant and even less percentage to have a healthy pregnancy. I was told by the doctors that I could conceive, but it was unlikely that the implantation would hold.
I know you are tired of hearing that kids are "blessings", but I am here to tell you that Ava is a blessing to me... she is ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. Yeah she gives me a migraine every now and then, but mostly she is a great baby, my little cuddle bug.
Now I'm ready to try for another baby, docs say it's not safe because of the uterus shape and the incision from the c-section. My uteri (I have two of everything) are half the size of a "regular" uterus. Ava was breech and was only 17 inches long and weighed 5lbs 12ozs.
Can I ask if you ever fantasize about your baby? Do you ever wonder what the sex of the baby is? Just curious.
I have to say that my sister was sick her entire pregnancy, and it wore thin on my brother in law, he never looked happy either.
Do you guys talk about anything other than the pregnancy? Maybe a little break from it all would help. It is still all so new to him.
I am a mother and I am very proud of my little mini me. Her name is Ava, and my pregnancy was complicated. I knew her Daddy only 2 months, and like you I did not think that I could get pregnant - after all I was 30 years old and had only been pregnant once and that was 10 years prior. I was a dumb butt for not using protection, but I have what is called a didelphic uterus, so I was only given a 30% chance of becoming pregnant and even less percentage to have a healthy pregnancy. I was told by the doctors that I could conceive, but it was unlikely that the implantation would hold.
I know you are tired of hearing that kids are "blessings", but I am here to tell you that Ava is a blessing to me... she is ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. Yeah she gives me a migraine every now and then, but mostly she is a great baby, my little cuddle bug.
Now I'm ready to try for another baby, docs say it's not safe because of the uterus shape and the incision from the c-section. My uteri (I have two of everything) are half the size of a "regular" uterus. Ava was breech and was only 17 inches long and weighed 5lbs 12ozs.
Can I ask if you ever fantasize about your baby? Do you ever wonder what the sex of the baby is? Just curious.
yeah it's his first child and only his third serious relationship. we did take a break on date night, I said "no more pregnancy" talk we went to a movie and dinner and had fun, by the end of the night I realized "I like this guy" but I still can't get over the not taking my calls that night I was sick-- just felt like he doesn't have my back.
of course I fantasize about this baby. I mean I love this guy and when I look in his eyes and think this baby might have his eyes I just melt... but what sense does it make if it's going to be an awful situation for this child?
so you knew your baby's daddy only 2 months? what happened to him, what happened to the relationship?
of course I fantasize about this baby. I mean I love this guy and when I look in his eyes and think this baby might have his eyes I just melt... but what sense does it make if it's going to be an awful situation for this child?
so you knew your baby's daddy only 2 months? what happened to him, what happened to the relationship?
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