Is he committed

[sammy_k]

I've been with my fiancé for 7years, we got engaged after 2years off being together but broke it off because we both felt we were too young and not ready, we got engaged again 6months ago and I was very happy and excited because I love him and know it’s the right time now. We have been living together for about a year now. The problem is he doesn’t seem serious about this and its driving me crazy. We have set a date but had to cancel because nothing was happening from his side. We've got a new date now but time is running out again, I told him that we can have a very simple and small wedding to make things easier and more comfortable for him, he seemed happy with this and said he will help with the planning, but every time I ask him if his done anything yet he gets upset with me. We are constantly fighting about this, I feel very depressed from time to time and very unloved and unappreciated. I have no idea what he wants and why he can’t see why this upsets me so much, I don’t want to plan a big day like this 2 days before (we only have 1 month left). I think he can’t commit and wants to give everything else the blame, or am I just losing my mind?? I love him so much but can’t live like this anymore, I need to know where I'm going. Any advise???

[StormyRenee]

I have friends that were engaged for 10 yrs before they actually tied the knot...So dont give up....
We  as women think differently about things...Most of us are planner...Men seem to be the oppisite....My husband and I were engaged for 2 years before we got married.. When I would push the issue I could tell that was not going to work.When I backed off and just let things go he started to bother me about the wedding plans....
If you love eachother things will work out.....

[sammy_k]

Thank you all, things are looking good at the moment and I'm feeling very positive!!

[mamabalas]

I'm not sure if this would help you, but instead of breaking up wedding and marriage duties into his and hers, could you work on things together?  Some men just don't know what to do, and are very affraid of doing something wrong for the wedding day.  They view it as a day for the bride, correct or not.  He may be very willing to help out if you tell him exactly what to do and get the ball rolling for him.  Many men don't really do much for the wedding on their own.  I know some do, and God bless them for that.  But some don't.  If it really bothers you there may be deeper issues, maybe not.  Try not to let his lack of enthusiasm for the wedding get to you personally.  I don't think it means he isn't commited to the relationship.  I just think it means he isn't too into the WEDDING.  The wedding is important, obviously, but the marriage is what really matters.  I know many men and plenty of women who just plain aren't into weddings, and one or the other spouse did almost all of the organization for the wedding.  They have great marriages.  I wish you luck in your planning, and if possible, get some of your girlfriends together to do this with you.  I can't tell you how much fun I have had with my girlfriends doing this with them.  Most, not all but most, of their husbands didn't do much, they sort of looked very ackward durring this.  They were there, sort of in the background and would help if necessary.  

[mami1323]

Thank you and your right it isn't an easy decision because we do share a child and its not just my feelings that are involved but I've been through a lot with him and most would say I deserve the full blown commitment after everything I've put up with. If he cared for our son and he wants us to be a family he will do the right thing. My fiancé had a bad marriage when he was 18 and so that is why he has been so afraid to fully commit but we've been together for 7 years, nothing is gonna change. I wish you luck. Hopefully you can give your fiancé some space and that may change his perspective.

[sammy_k]

Thank you for all your replies. It helps allot to talk about these things. I am going to try to say as little as possible about it this month and just stay calm. I think I feel the same as above(mami1323), I don’t want to force him into this, but he says he wants to be with me and marry me but his actions doesn’t show this, how can you want something but never talk about it. I know that he is afraid, I get that, his parents got divorced 3 years ago and it’s been hard for him. I just wish he could make things a little easier for me.
Mami1323 I can imagine how hard it is for you having a child to think of too. Just as I know my fiancé loves me I’m sure yours does too, but they need to take this more seriously. I think I’ll wait another 2weeks without saying a word about it and see if he brings up the topic at all, otherwise I’ll have to talk to him and sort this out for once and for all.

[mami1323]

I feel like I wrote this post.  I've been having the same issues with my fiance.  We got engaged 3 years ago but I got pregnant and we cancelled the wedding plans because we couldn't afford both.  So he asked me again about 2 months ago and now every time I bring up what are we going to do, he doesn't want to talk about it.  He says it will happen before the end of the year but without talks of planning I'm a little unsure.  So my decision is this, I will talk it over again with him and tell him how I feel.  If he doesn't make any changes and or talks about what we are going to do and keeps putting it off, I believe our relationship will have to end.  He knows I want marriage and I refuse to have another child with him until we are married.  I'm not getting any younger either.  Plus, I don't want to feel like I'm forcing him.  But I'm not going to let him give me these false proposals either without him taking it seriously and prolonging his time with me.  

[jo929]

It does not sound like he is ready for the big step yet, so wait awhile before you mention it again and then if he isnt ready move on    luck  jo

[specialmom]

Agree with above.  I'd hold off and see what happens.  I feel like getting married is a committment and both parties need to be on board and excited about it.  I did do most of the planning for my wedding (didn't want a basketball themed wedding with hotdogs and beer------  LOL) but my husband showed his enthusiasm in other ways.  I wouldn't want to feel like I wanted it more than him.  I'm sure this is how this feels to you.

Wait that month and if he doesn't make any moves to make this happen------- move on.  Even if it is hard---------- move on.  good luck

[teko]

Hold out for another month and see what happens, if for whatever reason nothing happens then it is time to start re thinking where this relationship is going besides no where. Keep in mind that the failure rate of marriage these days is over 50% and that in and of itself is a scary thing. Some people are afraid to get married thinking it may be the beginning of the end. It could just be that fear that is in the way.