cheap men

[broke123]

i was just wondering... how does one deal with a bf/husband thats very cheap?

me n my bf r movin in together officially as of next month (even tho ive been livin at his place for the last 3-4 months). but now im giving up my own apt.

anyways, the "cheap" topic keeps coming up with us. if he buys me a pack of cigs he wants 5$ back. today he said that 8$ from mcdonalds.. is too expensive!!! i mean cummon!! 8$!!

he makes triple what i do.

i never ask for anythin, he never bought me anything (i got a card for my birthday). but im very independent, and just tell myself - i dont need his money, i have my own.

is this fixable? how can i get pass this? any advice?

thanx to all =)

[megochick101]

If the cheapness really bothers you, you should explain how you feel to him. He might not even realize what he's doing, he might just be so used to saving his pennies, so to speak, that that's just the way he is.

If he doesn't change then to get him to understand how you feel, do the same thing back to him..for example, if you buy dinner, ask him for the $10.95 back or whatever that his half cost.

If he gets upset or angry about this, then explain to him(calmly..don't yell at him lol) that he now knows how you feel when he does the same thing to you.

Some guys need to experience what your feeling before they get the point...trust me i did kinda the same thing with my hubby, he never helped me around the house, and never realized how much i actually did until one day i stopped doing it, and boy was he mad when he realized i didn't do his laundry(i did mine and the kids but left his for him to do himself..lol)..needless to say he got the point and now helps me out from time to time. I know that's not the same thing as your talking about but if you ask him for his part of the check I believe he'll get your point about the cheapness.

Basically since you stated that you aren't looking for a serious relationship, then I would just suggest getting rid of this guy. I highly doubt he will ever change his ways.

[heatherlynn22]

i dated a guy who was cheap and stingy.I made more money but i even got sick of how cheap he was. i couldn't stand that we  couldn't go anywhere that didn't have free or $1 drinks. or if they had a cover charge (which all of the night clubs i used to frequent had a cover) we couldn't go b/c he didn't want to pay to go dance. he never paid for me. he paid ONCE and that was enough. my birthday he took me out and from then until i left him a week later i got **** from him AND his dad about how he was wasting money on me. meanwhile i was PERFECTLY OK for me to spend money on him for his bday. in fact his brother made the comment, "geez that's all you got him?" hello we'd been dating for a month. i wasn't about to go out and spend $500 on him.....

so yeah the cheapness gets old fast. REALLY fast. the hubby....he's great. lol. while we were dating even if i wanted to pay and argued with him about it nope....i was absolutely forbidden from paying for anything. he's relaxed a bit now but....we have a joint checking account. lol.

[believeitthefirsttime]

I completely agree with "Hatesmommasboys" and others regarding this matter and, in particular, the gift-giving issue: for your birthday, your man should jump at the chance to let you know how special you are by going out of his way to do something wonderful for you and, yes, get you a gift he hopes will put a big smile on the face of his beautiful lady!! A man (not a boy) - a MAN looks forward to taking care of the people he cares about and is, in fact, motivated by the desire to do so. If he doesn't care about you, he should stop sleeping with you and have the basic decency to 'come clean' about his feelings so you can move on. In other words, he should man-up. Most women I know want to feel cherished by their bf or husband. Being 'nickeled and dimed' to death on every small purchase certainly does not make anyone feel cared for. I'm just going to say it....others may disagree, but I (and my friends) personally believe that most men put the same premium on sex that women put on thoughtfulness. If a man is not getting what is important to him, he's not going to hesitate to get out of the relationship. If you stopped showing your appreciation in the way that mattered to him, he  would not be asking himself (or strangers)  whether to leave you or not - not for ONE second! For the last month or so I've been seeing a man (or perhaps 'boy' is a more accurate term) whose cheapness has become increasingly evident - it's TACKY and a total turn-off. I am a 34-yr-old single woman living in LA where finding a straight, employed man (and he is both) is next to impossible. However....I can't help but resent his attitude, and I don't believe his cheapness is something I can deal with - when he decided I would pay for my lunch on our most recent afternoon together (when going out for lunch and the restaurant itself were both his idea, by the way), even the waiter looked stunned. It was embarrassing. When my date got up to use the men's room, the waiter made a point of coming over to say to me "My gf is a lawyer and, obviously makes more money than I do, but I would never ask her to pay for anything on a date - a real man (I'm just quoting him!) looks forward to doing something nice for his gf."  If your guy so much as bats an eyelash over an $8 McDonald's run or a $9 sandwich at a local lunch spot (referring to my own case) he is not a keeper. I'd rather be single than wish I were. Thank you to Broke 123 for your questions and to all the women who have responded.  

[sweetpea03]

I broke up with my bf partially because he was so cheap. Sometimes he'd want me to pay for him too, since he was out of money and hadn't gotten his pay check. I didn't mind doing that every once in while, but there has to be a balance. It's great to be independent, but just make sure that this is what you want. He most likely will not change, so if you don't mind the small petty money issues he has, you can keep the relationship going, though in my opinion I wouldn't stay around.

[Jasmine205]

I have the same problem, my bf sponges off his mom and step dad, and I live on my own and pay all my own bills. Mind you, he only works 3 days a week and goes to uni still. But his job pays more than mine, but he still lets his mom buy all the food he wants and other things. I wish his mom would start charging him rent, because it's getting pathetic to me. He can buy himself expensive things, but never give over any rent to them?
I already put my foot down on "our" rules when we live together, he knows he's paying half, and buying his own stuff for himself and I will do the same.
I won't be footing his bill like mommy did.
He only treats me on bday and rare occasions! and I do spend more on him overall, but I do that with all the people I love so of course he's at the top of my list with my parents.

You just have to set firm ground rules and stick to them and come to an agreement on it all. And decide if how he is will be livable for you, and how much you really do love him.

[msgorgeous]

I moved in with my boyfriend almost two years ago i moved from my home to live with him which was 3 hours away. By no means is he cheap he works hard pays his bills and i get whatever i want. he helps his family in time of need. I do not work he supports me he bought me a used car. But as nice as it isto get things allthe time wouldnt you want to be independent not having to depend on someone to take care of you.