Hi. Thanks for all the detail, it helps.
First, I want to talk about depression. This is a not something you get because you are going through a hard time. That may 'trigger' it but it is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Once someone has had an episode, they are prone to more. The more you have, well----- it becomes something you must be ready for and accept as part of your life. Constant treatment can be in order. By that I mean--------- taking medication even when you feel things are okay, still continuing with therapy, still working programs to help with things like addiction, self harm, suicide, etc. Doing all of the things you did while trying to recover from depression on a regular basis.
Understanding that life circumstance doesn't actually cause depression is important. You can be sad, blue even devastated and have times of feeling like you can't cope. But that is different than clinical depression. What you are being treated for is clinical in nature as is your ex boyfriend. It is serious. It should be your primary concern to heal from the depression. I hope you see a psychiatrist, a psychologist and are taking your medication.
A move to France would NOT be wise. You are high risk for a depressive episode there I fear. Chasing the dream of getting back with an ex makes you very vulnerable. And leaving your current set up where you can get help would make that vulnerability to risky considering you've been self harming and had suicide attempts. It would not be in your best interest to go.
You need to work on healing your own life. Build your inner self up right where you are so that you do not need a boyfriend, a job, or whatever to feel alright in this world. You count on yourself to feel alright in this world. Once you've done that------ life will be better for you and you will be in a better place to find a partner/boyfriend.
And if you love your boyfriend---------- please also give him space to recover from depression. He is telling you that now he can't do it. Respect that for his health.
I do wish you luck. Depression can be treated if you understand what it is and how to do it. This should be your main focus. good luck
To be perfectly honest, he has made it very clear how he feels and has mentioned some good points in regards to mental health and work status (unemployed) for the both of you.
BTW: Employment is not easy to find in France and you must know the language well.
Plus, he has found someone else. It would be kinda awkward to show up there and see him with his gf. I mean, why put yourself through that?
If I were you I WOULDN'T GO. Bad idea to go. Focus on getting your mental health better.
Are you in therapy yourself and/or taking meds? You sound more like you are Bipolar vs Depression.
Besides what everyone else has said, please remember how easy it is to idealize long-distance relationships, especially when there is a lot of need in the people involved in them. You might not have had the "love of your life" relationship in reality that you did in fantasy. He's told you he's moved on, and you're still mapping out a fantasy of your own. Unless you and he are exploring your future together, you have no business moving to chase him in a new country.
I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when someone is very clear the relationship is over and the other person has moved on.... so should you. I hate that life is this way but very few people have fairlytale romance and marriage. What if you did break them up? Do you think he would come back? It doesn't sound like it to me. When I was 22 I thought I found the love of my life. Her family loved me, I called her mom mom too. I was their family... until she broke it off. Well, a year goes by, God sends me the perfect wife to be, we get engaged, then all of a sudden the other one made a huge mistake. "I'll marry you instaead" It turned my stomach and ruined all the good memories I had of her. If you really love him, if he really is getting better, if he told you it is really over, accept the heartache, the crying, the sad days, and if you really, really love him, be thankful he found someone that has helped him and loves him. Otherwise, it is only heartache for all and most of all, probably embarrassment for you in the end. I hope I didn't hurt you, I just care....spartan