depression, lies, debt

[antsha478]

I've been in a downward spiral of depression, denial, debt, and lies for about 3 years. I've hit rock bottom and I'm afraid I'm about to lose my wife. I've gained weight, have sleep apnea, feel helpless and ashamed, especially if the debt I've incurred without my wife's knowledge. I feel so overwhelmed and dint know where to start to fix my life. Anyone else experienced this and recovered successfully?

[ROSYouralright]

What exactly are we talking about here??

[antsha478]

Thanks everyone. This is the 3rd time we're going through this. Each time I say I'll stop and I do for awhile but then I do it again. She's recently found out ...and not from me, and she's confronted me. She's tired of it and told me she'd have left by now if it wasn't for our kids. I'm afraid to fess up to everything because it might push her over the edge.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  Well, I've known plenty of people that have recovered from situations like this.  First, know that depression is treatable.  Absolutely, you can get help for this.  I would work with a doctor to decide if you need medication (which would probably help tremendously) as well as a talk therapist.  some people use spending to self medicate.  It gives an endorphin rush similar to that of a drug and hence, it is used to 'feel better'.  don't know if that is the case with you but encourage you to dig deep and work on this if it is.  

And I would be honest with your wife at this point.  Secrecy will eat you alive.  Be honest and tell her what has happened.  Take the blame completely.  And have a plan in hand to get out of this jam when you speak to her.  That you are seeking medical help for the depression and talk therapy will definitely help her trust you that you are working on this.  

wishing you the best of luck and please let us know how it goes.  

[ROSYouralright]

Hey, welcome... I'm glad to see you posting and reaching out about this. You are probably not going to like my advice but here goes!
SIT YOUR WIFE DOWN & TALK TO HER. BE OPEN & HONEST ABOUT EVERYTHING!! DON'T HOLD ANYTHING BACK OR LEAVE ANYTHING OUT! Will she be mad and upset?? Probably in the beginning but I think she will respect your honesty & taking accountability. She is your wife and your helpmate. In good times and bad. It will take a huge load off of your shoulders by sharing the burden. Do you mind me asking how you incurred the debt? Can you please tell us more about the past 3 years so we can get a fuller picture of what's going on??