Aa
Its like I am dating an 80 yr old...
Ok so my boyfriend and I have been dating for just over 7 yrs. We are both 24yrs old.... He acts like an 80 yr old... We have not had sex in over a year for excuse after excuse. Over a year ago he found out he had a herniated disc and uses that an excuse for EVERYTHING.. He has been unemployed since January and refuses to find work he walks with a cane and literally acts like a cripple... I get that herniated discs hurt but they also aren't going to heal if he spends his life just lying around. And I just get so angry at his "pain"... I guess what my question is.... What should I do... Im miserable because 7 yrs and my life has gome nowhere being with him..
and should I feel bad for hating the fact that he is always in "pain"????? Please any advice would be appreciated
and should I feel bad for hating the fact that he is always in "pain"????? Please any advice would be appreciated
BTW: I have an 80 year old mother and she has more energy then I and her grandchildren do :)
Well, then there is your solution. Mother will have no problem taking care of him then. I would shuffle him over to her. Let her deal with this hot mess. He really needs psychological counseling PRONTO.
You've done what you could and now it is time for you to have a life.
You've done what you could and now it is time for you to have a life.
No not at all... Completely different.. And he has his mom... His mom will do anything he asks..
No not at all... Completely different.. And he has his mom... His mom will do anything he asks..
Threatened to kill himself if you leave? Can't work sitting but can play video games sitting? He is ridiculous. I am not sure if this is the weed talking and/or him. He wants to keep you entangled in this HOT mess of his.
I would tell him you can't deal with this anymore and need to move on. Hon, you can't help him if he is that unstable mentally and physically.
Does he have anyone else to rely on or have they all steered clear of him?
Was he like this when you first met him?
I would tell him you can't deal with this anymore and need to move on. Hon, you can't help him if he is that unstable mentally and physically.
Does he have anyone else to rely on or have they all steered clear of him?
Was he like this when you first met him?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Sweetie, I hear ya. I'd not be turned on enough by a guy who sat playing video games and smoking weed for 6 hours a day to WANT to have sex wit him. I just would say that he either takes steps to recover his life back (treat back issue, treat depression, give up weed, get a job, etc.) or I would honestly say that this relationship wasn't one I could continue.
I feel badly that he is spiraling down like this but do not see it as a situation in which you have to go down with him. You were very young when you got together. I promise you that relationships and people will always have problems but that this type of living situation is not normal.
By the way, playing video games for 6 hours is another way of 'numbing' and 'avoiding' and is a sign of an addiction or at least an addictive personality. I sincerely believe that opiate pain killers are going to find their way to him if they haven't yet.
I agree that you can love someone but have standards for the kind of life you want to have and realize that the one you love doesn't meet them. I left a man that I loved because he had addiction issues. YEARS ago. And now am a happily married women raising children.
Because even if you stay, he has a huge battle ahead. The pain is real and needs to be addressed but he has a whole cascade of ways he's dysfunctional besides that. Very sad. And some live their whole lives that way. You sound smart to see that you don't want this. good luck hon
I feel badly that he is spiraling down like this but do not see it as a situation in which you have to go down with him. You were very young when you got together. I promise you that relationships and people will always have problems but that this type of living situation is not normal.
By the way, playing video games for 6 hours is another way of 'numbing' and 'avoiding' and is a sign of an addiction or at least an addictive personality. I sincerely believe that opiate pain killers are going to find their way to him if they haven't yet.
I agree that you can love someone but have standards for the kind of life you want to have and realize that the one you love doesn't meet them. I left a man that I loved because he had addiction issues. YEARS ago. And now am a happily married women raising children.
Because even if you stay, he has a huge battle ahead. The pain is real and needs to be addressed but he has a whole cascade of ways he's dysfunctional besides that. Very sad. And some live their whole lives that way. You sound smart to see that you don't want this. good luck hon
I love him but I can't keep supporting him.. And no... No insurance... And I dunno I guess my doubts come from the fact that. He quit his last job (in a call center where he is not on his feet) because sitting hurt his back, but then can sit for six hours playing video games... So like I said I don't know...
COMMUNITY LEADER
First, let me say that I totally agree with Londres's post.
I think that a threat of suicide should always be taken seriously. Does he have any insurance (since he is unemployed?)? Even govt. issued insurance would help at this point. He needs to a doctor not just for the back issue but for his depression. The chronic post smoking perhaps is indeed self medication for the pain as well as the depression but also isn't helping ANYTHING. (as in it just compounds his issues).
I don't think he is trying to get sympathy. He is in a downward spiral. I think it is real and I am guessing that pain killers will be next for him if he hasn't begun to take them already.
Now, I do believe he deserves your empathy. I do believe he deserves to be taken seriously for the pain he is in and that things within in general such as his depression and mood all take a toll on every aspect of his life.
I do not, however, think that you have to stay with him. Would I want to continue a relationship to someone I was not married to who didn't work., didn't have sex, didn't want to do anything, was suicidal, smoked pot all the time . . . um, no way.
I'm not trying to be cold and callous. I do believe his problems are real. But that is the point. They aren't going away without MAJOR effort on his part. You can ask him to do that work. If he doesn't, it is your choice if you want to tie your own boat to this sinking ship or not.
If one is married, I do see that as a bit different. You made a commitment through better or worse and owe it to that person to try to stay and help . . . but just for a longer period of time. Even then, there has to be a time frame that one decides that 'this is no way to live' and moves on.
To me, I think you are getting to the point that you need to think about what if this doesn't get better or even gets worse. How much longer do you want to do this?
good luck
I think that a threat of suicide should always be taken seriously. Does he have any insurance (since he is unemployed?)? Even govt. issued insurance would help at this point. He needs to a doctor not just for the back issue but for his depression. The chronic post smoking perhaps is indeed self medication for the pain as well as the depression but also isn't helping ANYTHING. (as in it just compounds his issues).
I don't think he is trying to get sympathy. He is in a downward spiral. I think it is real and I am guessing that pain killers will be next for him if he hasn't begun to take them already.
Now, I do believe he deserves your empathy. I do believe he deserves to be taken seriously for the pain he is in and that things within in general such as his depression and mood all take a toll on every aspect of his life.
I do not, however, think that you have to stay with him. Would I want to continue a relationship to someone I was not married to who didn't work., didn't have sex, didn't want to do anything, was suicidal, smoked pot all the time . . . um, no way.
I'm not trying to be cold and callous. I do believe his problems are real. But that is the point. They aren't going away without MAJOR effort on his part. You can ask him to do that work. If he doesn't, it is your choice if you want to tie your own boat to this sinking ship or not.
If one is married, I do see that as a bit different. You made a commitment through better or worse and owe it to that person to try to stay and help . . . but just for a longer period of time. Even then, there has to be a time frame that one decides that 'this is no way to live' and moves on.
To me, I think you are getting to the point that you need to think about what if this doesn't get better or even gets worse. How much longer do you want to do this?
good luck
He threatens to kill himself if I ever leave him... And at his last doctors appointment he was told that he his disc has healed per his most recent xray... But he says the doctors are wrong... Something is wrong with his spine... I try being supportive but If I try to agree with the doctors at all he gets super pissed at me. Like its not that I dont believe he is in pain its just that i sometimes wonder if he isnt in as much pain as he says, and that he is just trying for sympathy... Call me wrong if you like... Im just lost...
I can imagine it is difficult to be in chronic physical pain all the time and it sounds like he is using weed to self-medicate. I am not sure about his options in regards to employment since he has this situation with his spine. Moreover, if he has to deal with chronic pain that isn't under control he isn't going to be in the mood for loads of sex. Is he being medically treated? Pain medication? Physical therapy? Surgery considered?
I can't say he is acting like an "80 year old," however, I can say he sounds like he is depressed secondary to this chronic pain. This can be difficult for anyone to deal with especially a young guy.
Even though this is HIS life it doesn't have to be yours. You need to reconsider the situation as this isn't the life you want for yourself and there is nothing selfish in saying that.
You need to figure out what is best for you and your needs because this relationship isn't doing anything for you.
I can't say he is acting like an "80 year old," however, I can say he sounds like he is depressed secondary to this chronic pain. This can be difficult for anyone to deal with especially a young guy.
Even though this is HIS life it doesn't have to be yours. You need to reconsider the situation as this isn't the life you want for yourself and there is nothing selfish in saying that.
You need to figure out what is best for you and your needs because this relationship isn't doing anything for you.
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