Aa
is this normal
I just got married and when my hubbys gone i miss him when he home i cant stand him even him touching me im to point feel not attracted to him but when he gone i tell him all things i want to do with him n bed when he gets back than when he home i have no sex drive is it cuz maybe im hurt from him getting a hotel last wk just cuz house was dirty n that we argue alot n when we fight he either stays with his family members all night n want to always break up when fighting instead of getting it resolved and talking bout things i talked bout annulment but when it comes down to it i dont want to lose him...whats wrong with me we been together 5 yrs
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Well, I'd say that this is not really 'normal'. Lots of things going on here----- I notice you say that he spent the night at a hotel because the house was too dirty. Hm. How dirty is a house that it would cause someone to feel THAT uncomfortable? Is there a problem of some sort with cleaning? Hoarding, dirty, what?? Now it is his home too and I can't see any reason why he can't help you clean it. But that in and of itself, having the house so bad someone doesn't want to stay there is not normal.
Second, the push me, pull me is not healthy. I'm sure you realize this. The wanting him and talking sexually with him while he is gone and then being repulsed by him and rejecting him when together------- how confusing would that be for him? Obviously it is confusing to you as well.
I'm going to suggest marriage counseling as fast as you can. If finances are in the way, look for other options such as your local YWCA or your church which often have services for couples in trouble.
But no, this relationship doesn't seem to be working very well at this point.
btw, is your husband doing something when at home to repulse you? Do you fight all the time?
Second, the push me, pull me is not healthy. I'm sure you realize this. The wanting him and talking sexually with him while he is gone and then being repulsed by him and rejecting him when together------- how confusing would that be for him? Obviously it is confusing to you as well.
I'm going to suggest marriage counseling as fast as you can. If finances are in the way, look for other options such as your local YWCA or your church which often have services for couples in trouble.
But no, this relationship doesn't seem to be working very well at this point.
btw, is your husband doing something when at home to repulse you? Do you fight all the time?
Hi and welcome. Disagreements are normal for 2 people living under one roof but there needs to be a way to communicate to resolve these issues. It would be a big help for you both to have some professional counseling.
He wont counseling n house had few toys n plate n a cup n living room other than that clean i clean for a living n that i thought was weird i stayed by n up at hotel all nite ck if no other girls were there n none so idk y he get hotel think he bipolar
I also think that we lack communication to his part Seems like everytime I tell him how I feel he thinks I'm startin s*** And all I want to do is have it deep down communication with him I am thinking divorce Because I set there and I thought With everything going on I do not want to have his baby
If the way you are communicating is not working then change your approach. Sometimes men respond more by acting like his mother then his wife. Even though men appear adult, the little boy is always right there under the surface ready to pop up and be a bad boy.
Also when you first met, he fell in love with you and you used your feminine qualities to attract him and win him over. You might try using these same tactics now. It worked once and it will work again.
Also when you first met, he fell in love with you and you used your feminine qualities to attract him and win him over. You might try using these same tactics now. It worked once and it will work again.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'm sorry it is so hard and it indeed sounds hard. That is odd that he left the house and went to a hotel over what you describe unless he just wanted to spend the night away.
You seem to have mixed emotions in that you say while he is gone, you miss him very much and fantasize about him. but once with him, you are not wanting to be around him at all and not have his child.
You could consider leaving him if it is that bad. I just worry that he isn't going to work on any of this to fix the relationship. we can only do so much alone. I would try one last attempt and head it off by "I'm not trying to start sh// but am really worried about our relationship. I want us to be a happy couple." Then think of how you can express that you don't understand why you think things aren't going well in a way that doesn't bring on defensiveness on his part. Stay away from *you* statements as in "you do this, you do that" etc. Instead, talk about we. *I* statements are also something that put people off when having a heart to heart. So talk about the two of you.
Very smart to think of this before a baby. Are you pregnant?
You seem to have mixed emotions in that you say while he is gone, you miss him very much and fantasize about him. but once with him, you are not wanting to be around him at all and not have his child.
You could consider leaving him if it is that bad. I just worry that he isn't going to work on any of this to fix the relationship. we can only do so much alone. I would try one last attempt and head it off by "I'm not trying to start sh// but am really worried about our relationship. I want us to be a happy couple." Then think of how you can express that you don't understand why you think things aren't going well in a way that doesn't bring on defensiveness on his part. Stay away from *you* statements as in "you do this, you do that" etc. Instead, talk about we. *I* statements are also something that put people off when having a heart to heart. So talk about the two of you.
Very smart to think of this before a baby. Are you pregnant?
Thank you all and no I am NOT pregnant I asked him before our marriage when we did break up if I wouldnt of beg him back would he of came back and he told me probably not then I asked him why he married me and then he said to prove his love for me im just confused
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