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To Cheat or Not to Cheat... THAT is the Question
Why is it that when a man makes some indication that he doesn't want to have sex (with his wife, girlfriend, etc), that a lot of women automatically jump to the "He must be cheating on me" conclusion?
I find this most disturbing, especially since I'm one of those men that doesn't necessarily want to have sex every single day of my life. And since that's the case, should I now be worried that my wife thinks I'm cheating on her? (That was a rhetorical question)
Honestly, when I want to have sex, and my wife does not, I don't automatically jump to the conclusion that she's cheating on me, or doesn't find me desirable because I put on a few pounds after the baby was born (you know what I mean... don't take it literally), or that she's plotting behind my back to have an affair, or something sinister like that. I take it at face-value: She doesn't want sex because she doesn't want sex, plain and simple.
Why do there have to be reasons for a person to not want sex, other than the simple fact that they just don't want sex?
I find this most disturbing, especially since I'm one of those men that doesn't necessarily want to have sex every single day of my life. And since that's the case, should I now be worried that my wife thinks I'm cheating on her? (That was a rhetorical question)
Honestly, when I want to have sex, and my wife does not, I don't automatically jump to the conclusion that she's cheating on me, or doesn't find me desirable because I put on a few pounds after the baby was born (you know what I mean... don't take it literally), or that she's plotting behind my back to have an affair, or something sinister like that. I take it at face-value: She doesn't want sex because she doesn't want sex, plain and simple.
Why do there have to be reasons for a person to not want sex, other than the simple fact that they just don't want sex?
Lol. This was to funny. I agree with el em .......... I have friends who think this often b/c they may have skipped a day or two, come on if there are no other signs and he is just worn out from work , stress or whatever do not feed the emotional fire and work yourself up into a tizzy, that really can cause a problem. But as Mami said, if there are other signs well then ..... but stains in boxers, come on. I live in a house full of teenage boys, I can not begin to imagine what I would find if I examined everyone's boxers!
This thread has me laughing! :-D Dirty boxers, addicted to sperm (thanks a lot for the earworm el_)...
El - I may be a woman, but I don't think my brain works the same way as other women. I hate drama (and shopping, and manicures, and getting my hair done,and Princess House parties and particularly bridal and baby showers), and let's face it, too many women thrive on drama. If life gets too dull they'll manufacture it. One woman I worked with was a master at manipulating her husband into a verbal battle every single day. She said she did it because she enjoyed making up later and laughed about it all the time. Of course, the poor husband was blind to the fact that his wife was getting off on his discomfort or that she was broadcasting intimate marital details in the workplace. I'm all for the direct approach instead of torturing myself with "what if's" for days, weeks, months or even years. Plenty of people have told me I'm blunt to a fault. Can't argue with that observation!
Not that I actually HAVE a sex life these days, but cheating never once in all these years crossed my mind when my DH was in a dry spell. Shoot, I've had them too. "Leave me the h*ll alone I'm trying to sleep!" But then, nothing about the rest of his behavior changed or led me to believe he had any outside activity going on. But then, he also knows the consequences of cheating would be severe. He wants to be with someone else, then go and don't come back. I won't have a third person in my bed.
I've often wondered what people leave out when they post and want complete strangers to tell them if their partner is cheating. They know more than they realize if they'll stop and think about it. Sometimes other warning signals aside from sex are just too hard to face alone - I guess. Or maybe they're enjoying the "harmless" drama of it all to some extent and the partner is perfectly innocent and getting skewered online.
El - I may be a woman, but I don't think my brain works the same way as other women. I hate drama (and shopping, and manicures, and getting my hair done,and Princess House parties and particularly bridal and baby showers), and let's face it, too many women thrive on drama. If life gets too dull they'll manufacture it. One woman I worked with was a master at manipulating her husband into a verbal battle every single day. She said she did it because she enjoyed making up later and laughed about it all the time. Of course, the poor husband was blind to the fact that his wife was getting off on his discomfort or that she was broadcasting intimate marital details in the workplace. I'm all for the direct approach instead of torturing myself with "what if's" for days, weeks, months or even years. Plenty of people have told me I'm blunt to a fault. Can't argue with that observation!
Not that I actually HAVE a sex life these days, but cheating never once in all these years crossed my mind when my DH was in a dry spell. Shoot, I've had them too. "Leave me the h*ll alone I'm trying to sleep!" But then, nothing about the rest of his behavior changed or led me to believe he had any outside activity going on. But then, he also knows the consequences of cheating would be severe. He wants to be with someone else, then go and don't come back. I won't have a third person in my bed.
I've often wondered what people leave out when they post and want complete strangers to tell them if their partner is cheating. They know more than they realize if they'll stop and think about it. Sometimes other warning signals aside from sex are just too hard to face alone - I guess. Or maybe they're enjoying the "harmless" drama of it all to some extent and the partner is perfectly innocent and getting skewered online.
Supposedly it's a subconscience thing that we don't even realize we are doing. I doubt it's even true and am thinking a man wrote it JUST to put that in our subconscience minds...LOL!!
Well now folks, I am older and see things a little differently. I am not and never have been addicted to anyones sperm. Nope! Not falling for that one! And I am not one that wants sex every night and nor does the old man. Does it make me think he is cheating? No... I too agree with the person that said it is more a sudden change in the norm that raises ones eyebrows. I can see that, but overall I sincerely think some people lack the self esteem or the self worth that would make them think they are not good enuff to hold a man or that every other woman is out to get there man. If I had to live like that I wouldn't bother having one. Seriously, and if he wants to cheat and it is in his heart, not a thing I am gonna do to stop it. That is his call. Now if he makes that decision and cheats on me, whoa is him. its over and I sincerely hope she was worth it cause he is moving in with her. So in most cases, I do think it is lack of ones self esteem. There will always be someone prettier than us. Fact of life. The bottom line is trust and commitment and communication. And the fact that we deserve better than that.
I can see what you mean about that post. I was scratching my head on that one too.
Remember that Robert Palmer song, ADDICTED TO LOVE?
Kind of takes on a whole new meaning when you combine it with your magazine article on women becoming addicted to sperm...
Might as well face it, you're addicted to sperm...
Kind of takes on a whole new meaning when you combine it with your magazine article on women becoming addicted to sperm...
Might as well face it, you're addicted to sperm...
I guess the whole, "my husbands boxers are dirty" post, set me off...
This place really works me up sometimes!!!
I see your points though. A drastic change in behavior would lead one down the "Is he cheating" path.
But dirty boxers?!? C'MON!!!
This place really works me up sometimes!!!
I see your points though. A drastic change in behavior would lead one down the "Is he cheating" path.
But dirty boxers?!? C'MON!!!
You have to keep in mind that men and women don't think the same. Most men usually speak their mind and if they want, or don't want something, they say it. Women are much more emotional and take things to heart and sometimes over think situations. Especially when it comes to the opposite sex/sex. A lot of us women associate sex with love. I read in a magazine (and don't quote me on this. Especially if the data is wrong..LOL) that women become "addicted" to men's sperm and actually crave it from their partner. The whole sex/love association supposedly stems from this. I can't remember all the details, but it totally made sense to me when I read it. I just don't know if it's true.
Also, a LOT of women have been cheated on, and they have somewhat of a distrust toward men in general for a long time. Being cheated on will scar your soul and it takes a while to recover. Some women may never recover, some may quickly, it just all depends on the person.
Also, a LOT of women have been cheated on, and they have somewhat of a distrust toward men in general for a long time. Being cheated on will scar your soul and it takes a while to recover. Some women may never recover, some may quickly, it just all depends on the person.
I just have to say that I love what you said, el....that your addiction was, in a way, cheating on your wife. that is a brutal honesty that is rare in most people, especially recovering addicts who have a hard time admitting just how harmful their addiction was.....so I can't tell you how much that statement made me admire you.
Anyway...I agree with mami. it's the behavior change that is concerning. my husband has recently put a brakes on his sex drive and I admit that my first thoughts were NOT pleasant. But then I am 39wks pregnant and quite hormonal so most of that is probably just reactionary, lol. But after a few days of agonizing over the whys and the horrible possibilities, I just..got over it. Gave him some credit for being human, and tired, and worried about my pregnancy (which has had some serious complications near the end) and then I realized that the upside of it was that I was getting a break just when I desperately need it...there is NOTHING about my body right now that desires sex because everything is so misshapen and painful, so I'm just enjoying the time off, lol.
But any time someone's behavior changes drastically the automatic reaction SHOULDN'T be to suspect infidelity, but often we feel like fools if signs are being thrown in our face and we miss them and discover we were blatantly played and could've seen it coming "a long time ago"....so it's just a defensive reflex.
Anyway...I agree with mami. it's the behavior change that is concerning. my husband has recently put a brakes on his sex drive and I admit that my first thoughts were NOT pleasant. But then I am 39wks pregnant and quite hormonal so most of that is probably just reactionary, lol. But after a few days of agonizing over the whys and the horrible possibilities, I just..got over it. Gave him some credit for being human, and tired, and worried about my pregnancy (which has had some serious complications near the end) and then I realized that the upside of it was that I was getting a break just when I desperately need it...there is NOTHING about my body right now that desires sex because everything is so misshapen and painful, so I'm just enjoying the time off, lol.
But any time someone's behavior changes drastically the automatic reaction SHOULDN'T be to suspect infidelity, but often we feel like fools if signs are being thrown in our face and we miss them and discover we were blatantly played and could've seen it coming "a long time ago"....so it's just a defensive reflex.
Oh it disgusts me big time...I am a victim of infidelity so I have a very strong view of cheating. You can't control other people unfortunately so you don't know what to expect in your relationship.
Cheating disgusts me on so many levels, it's hard to know where to begin.
Then again, I'm a recovering addict (pain pills taken for legitimate reasons at first, then morphing into something else), so one could argue that I cheated on my wife for a year'ish.
Dammit... walked right into that one.
Then again, I'm a recovering addict (pain pills taken for legitimate reasons at first, then morphing into something else), so one could argue that I cheated on my wife for a year'ish.
Dammit... walked right into that one.
I don't believe it's the fact that they don't want to have sex, it's the fact that their behavior has changed. When someone consistently wants sex every day and then all of a sudden doesn't want to, that is one of the thoughts that come into play. Perhaps some women have a gut feeling but do not wish to put it out there on here and so give just one example of what is going on. In today's day and age it's hard to imagine someone not cheating. It seems to be a serious epidemic now.
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