im back

[shyguy1080]

Hey everyone im back. Its link aka shyguy. Something went wrong with my account so i had to make a new one. Anyway, wow alot to respond too,lol

RockRose- No i dont go after super model women.. I know they are totally out of my league. I been rejected alot by average women. Why cant i not go after a women who i find somewhat attracted too?

Mami- I talked to my friend today, who gives great advice on dating and he said something interesting, almost the same as you.. He said if u were to put a good looking guy infrot of alot of women to judge, the ladies would have mixed answers on if he's good looking or not, while viceversa if a good looking female was there, it be alot different. I guess its true.. Women are not as visual as men are. And, im starting to be convinced that it really is all how a guy acts.. Im starting to feel good about approaching a woman. Im tired of this shy, scared feeling.. I have learned a lesson with the last girl, dont joke around with someone you dont know,lol. Everyone here has been awsome.. I love this forum.. I guess there still is hope for me :)

[shyguy1080]

Im not going to dwell on things. One day i'll get some esteem.. I do promise that. I guess its time for me to grow up and act like a man

[mami1323]

Get over the 04 relationship that was 6 years ago. So she played you oh well. Life is full of rejection and you have to be thicked skinned. I consider myself to be an attractive woman or atleast I used to be...lol. Well I went through years of being rejected and being single. I was stood up a few times. It happens to everyone but you don't dwell on it and you keep trying and one day the right woman will come along. The one thing you do do is think about what perhaps was it that turned off these people who rejected me? Was I acting rude? Was I too sarcastic? Was I coming on too strong? Was I showing a little too much desperation? Then you try different approaches. I think you could benefit from a therapist and not all of them will give you meds. Some work with cognitive behavioral therapy and its just a way of learning skills on changing your thoughts and behaviors. I agree with Rock your issues go way beyond what help this board can give you.

[penswriter]

being put on depression meds, bipolar meds or any other psychological meds WON'T MAKE you date women who have std's. my brother took bipolar meds his ENTIRE life and his girlfriend is a really great girl. the sweetest thing in the world. and guess what...he's no looker. sure he's alright but he's no supermodel. he's AVERAGE. your normal, run of the mill guys. a good guy...but average. or my dad. he's DEFINITELY not a super model. but he's a good guy. he's caring and loving and a TERRIFIC dad...his fiancee....a total sweetheart. i love my soon to be mom to death! and guess what...SHE makes more money. he's a maintenance supervisor SHE is a 30 year nurse making $50/hour at a major hospital. why is she with him? he has a good personality. he makes her laugh and he loves her for WHO SHE IS! as she loves him for who he is. as well as my brothers and i. or my grams....she was drop dead gorgeous when she was younger. (she's still a good lookin woman for 90) my pap...average. run of the mill. why did she marry him? she loved him for who he was. he loved her unconditionally....as she did him. if he hadn't passed away they would be celebrating their 72 wedding anniversary this year.

[shyguy1080]

That wont work, all it is, is just drugs being given to me.. I'll just lower my standards and date women who have HIV or other stds..At least those women are more accepting and more focused on looking for love than other women who are too picky and selective.

[RockRose]

You need help beyond what anyone on any internet board could possibly give you.

Enough of the poor me,  maybe I don't deserve the love a woman,  I'm a lost cause  .. ..

You need psychiatric help  beyond what an internet site can possibly help you with.  

[shyguy1080]

(sigh) look i am very sorry for all the bashing stuff. Im just feeling lost and very down. I guess rose your right, i am a lost cause :(  And maybe i don't deserve the love of a woman.

[RockRose]

Yes,  I'm sure.

I could go on and on about Catcher in the Rye and Dr. House and your expectations,  but you don't read or heed what I say.

You hold yourself in extremely high esteem compared to how others measure you.  People who have low esteem issues are the exact opposite - others measure them higher than they measure themselves.  You're the opposite.

I don't know there's any help for you,  because you reject people who tell you the truth.

[shyguy1080]

I have high self esteem?? Are you sure about that??? If i did... i wouldnt be so scared of women...

[RockRose]

I charged you with having undue high esteem,  shyguy.

[shyguy1080]

So what is it your saying? Im not following here.. I have very low self esteem, guilty as charged

[RockRose]

I would say,  shyguy,  that you have extremely elevated self-esteem.

You seem to have a feeling of entitlement that isn't backed up by any kind of social skills.  

[shyguy1080]

Alright, first off lets all calm down. I deserved the stuff penswritter said to me.. I don't hate women. I've just had alot of bad experinces.. And not sure what to do. As for the last girl, alright, alright i shouldnt have played that harmless joke on her, however, i dont belive why she ran off is 100 percent my fault, yes i was at fault for some but, i truley do belive she is a player.. Think about it, shes a totally sweet girl, low selfesteem that was the same type of girl back in 04 who totally hurt my feelings..
   You have no idea what i have gone through in my life..Do i have soul searching to do? You betcha. I need to figure out why I dont like myself. I appreciate the advice.. But the facts are that you are not around me in real life 24-7. Why do i have low self esteem? I gone to alot of parties, public places, etc, i never had a girl come up and flirt with me.. I would try to make eye contact, usually the girl would just look away. Do you see why im hesitant on approaching? As for POF, i send out so many messages, get very few replies and even then those girls stop talking to me.. It dosen't make me feel cool, ya know? When i get rejected by so many people.. That is my life, never had sucess with women.. I dunno, im just not likeable by females. And btw, i dont say this stuff to females in real life, im nice to them.. But they still don't seem to be interested in me. Ok? I hope you can understand this now.. Being a male is different than females. Females have guys chasing after them.. Us guys have it really tough.. And rejection really does hurt. Im not bashing anyone.. Im telling as is.  

[Judy246]

You are convinced that the female gender is all screwed up?  Ok, you are your own worst enemy and this is the type of comment that will not only turn women off, it will turn all women off and no one is going to tolerate you! You just blurr out of you mouth without thinking....for example, you have a lot of ladies "female gender" on this forum trying to help you out and this "all screwed up"...would include us and I take offense to it! What the hell is wrong with you! You can't get a woman, because when you open your mouth you turn them off then you are depressed and don't understand why you can't get a woman or are misunderstood...it's what comes out of your mouth without thinking! AND you are a likeable person, but your abrasive comments towards all women is a turn off and to us ladies here that are trying to make you understand the gender better....You are your own worst enemy and I'm done.

[penswriter]

you obviously insulted her or freaked her out so much (OR see saw what your personality was really like) and was smart. she took for the hills. it's no surprise why you're single. none at all. and it has nothing to do with money or looks. it's your personality...it s*cks. it s*cks big time. i wouldn't even want to be friends and just hang out. i'd avoid you like the plague. you're a miserable, woman hating...jerk. you keep blaming women for YOUR problems when the only one to blame for YOUR issues....is you.

[mami1323]

Yes blame the women rather than look at yourself and perhaps why you drive them away. Geesh no self reflection at all. Grow up and stop blaming all women for your short comings. Your step mother sounds like she has real issues herself. As far as the last girl you were with well I think she was smart enough to know not to get involved with you. She's not the one who needs mental health. Maybe she thought your joke was rude and classless. The more you post the more we can all see exactly why you've been single for all this time.

[shyguy1080]

Those women are at fault for being with those dirbags..My step-mom is so right.. She said loser men are smart because women are dumb enough to be with them. She said women are so stupid..She is so true..

[shyguy1080]

Your right, i should give up on women. The last girl needs to seek out the help of a mental help proffessional.Its so pathetic she runs away over a harmless joke. I totally remind myself of that guy from "catcher and the rye" Or Dr. House. A few losers i picked up? Try alot.. Its never worked out with each lady i meet. I dunno, women seem to have some mental problems or something... I dont get why they get easily turned off by small dumb stuff. Dont feel sorry for me, Im sorry i dont make alot of money or im not athletic.. My theroy of women is true from experince.. No one on xxxxxxxxxxxx.xxx would give me a shot...

[penswriter]

give up on women. with your attitude you're never going to land a long term relationship. again...your generalizing all women based on the few losers you've picked up. and yes there are men who thrive on drama. i know quite a few.

you're not looking for advice anymore. you're looking for people to stroke your ego. you've come to the wrong place. right now you are extremely bitter and pathetic. i feel sorry for you.

[mami1323]

This is exactly what I pointed out in the beginning your severe negative view of women is a huge turnoff. How about all the good women screwed over by dirtbag guys? If everyone thought the way you do this world would be full of angry lonely people. There are good and bad among both genders. Dating is Learning and weeding out the ones that are no good for you. I'm tired of writting the same advice to you over and over so my last suggestion is to seek therapy.

[jo929]

i agree with Rock Rose , your last post told the story  jo

[RockRose]

It's more important for you to continue to pout and complain,  shyguy,  than it is for you to get a woman.  

That's suddenly become obvious.    When you are about to come up with strategies that would put you in the game,  you'd rather spend your time complaining and feeling superior to women.

It's now clear.  It means more to you to complain than it means to achieve the goal you think you have - which is to find love.  You get more out of hating women than you think you would get out of being loved by one.  

It's your life,  dude.   That last post you wrote was about the most completely off-putting thing I've ever read.  

[shyguy1080]

Well, i do apprciate you ladies giving me this advice.. I am still convinced that the female gender is still screwed up... Alot of women seem to adore dating "losers" My roomate is 25 years old and shes dating someone who is 41 years old, he still lives at home with his folks, has 5 d.u.i's on his record and can't seem to hold a job, yet she digs him because she thinks he's so handsome. My step-mom is so correct on women. She says women are so stupid. It's a looks thing. My step-mom said men are not the problem in the dating world today, its women. Women would rather date somone very good looking, a bad boy.. why? ? Because its a drama thing, women love drama because it gives them something to think about.. We men hate drama and have other things going on in our lives.Women however have too much time on their hands and dig drama. I know u all dont mean it saying im good lookign etc. Its a lie. Why am i still single then if im goodlooking? You all are lying. Women are attracted to bad boys, losers etc, because they love drama. I went through alot of drama this year because of a girl. She couldnt take a joke and therefore started drama. And since im not good lookign or a badboy she wouldnt go for me. Shes unaccepting person. I think women need to search their souls and realize they are the problem themselves. Women are why many good men are still left single and lonley... If women would learn to grow up and focus on other things than drama, then they wouldn't complain about these losers they are dating. Ladies, this is something your gonna have to think about.

[Judy246]

ps....be very careful on the approach and what you say as long as you don't seem to come on too strong.

[Judy246]

There is a difference between dating a coworker, which i discourage, because if it doesn't work out, you have to see her everyday, listen to possible gossip spreading around and it results in an uncomfortable work environment, BUT a customer is an outsider and I say if the opportunity is right and she responds, GO FOR IT! Who cares....life is to short...go for it! Hugs, Judy