in front of family I'm not the gf??!!

[Caromar]

its a simple issue...I have dated this guy for 4 months now, we have never talked about us being bf/gf, but we are both exclusive to each other since the very first date and we pretty much do act as bf/gf. A couple weekends back one of his friends got stranded in the city I live and I told him, if he doesn't have a place to stay he can come stay here tonight and catch the train in the morning, so he txted his friend: get a cab and come stay at my girl friends place. To which I asked him, oh so now I'm ur friend? he said, no!! not my friend, you are my girlfriend, so I'm like, oh ok I guess we are official now. nothing changed as we both don't need titles or anything of the sort, we are very comfortable just being together, we know we are for each other and thats why I have not pushed him to say I'm his gf. Anyway, his sister called and asked who I was since she saw my comments on facebook, and he told me, his answer to her was, oh is just a girl I recently met and we are just going out. At the moment I didn't see anything wrong with it, til I told one of my friends and she said, oh so he is like hiding you...now I'm confussed if I should start getting worried about the gf in front of friends but just met in front of family. Maybe there's something I'm not being aware in respect to his commitment to me??!! any comments are welcome!

[younggrandmother]

BRAVO!! Caromar is official She is the GIRLFRIEND ,Now you can go to Thanksgiving dinner and not worry about what or what not to say.Good Job!! ....Young/gma

[Caromar]

I followed your advise...I told him I was very confussed by the whole, oh I'm just seeing her and the sudden bf txt. He seemed puzzled, first said, you are my gf!! so I told him, well we never made it official, so he said he was shy and didn't know if it was too soon to ask but that he would love to be my official bf, so we made it official!! As of today I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!! an official one ;). THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HELP!!!!!!!!!

[Judy246]

No! Sit down with him and ask him directly if it's ok to assume the relationship is exclusive. I'm sure he will say yes, then your can rest easier...make sure it is crystal clearn with no misunderstanding or miscommunications, so when you are face to face with his friends and family, you have that inner comfort that he is your man and that friends and family will view you and respect you as such....I think it's going to be ok....good luck, Judy

[Caromar]

Thanks to everyone for the advise, it has come in very handy!!

Today I got another txt from him saying bf...I posted something on his fb and then realized that it implied we had woken up together, so I txted him asking if he minded it, and if he did I would just take it down so that his friends and family wouldn't say anything about it. To that I got the following txt back: 'No it doesnt bother!! I'm proud to be ur BF and I dont think ppl will look at the good morning post in any weird way at all' . So should I assume now that I am official?!?

[Judy246]

Communication and trust is the foundation to a relationship. If he has not mentioned exclusivity by now, you should be concern and you don't want to constantly be thinking about where do you stand in the realtionship. You do want to know what you are in this relationship, a friend with benefits, acquantance, girlfriend, significant other, so when he introduces you to his friends and family, you will know where you stand with him. Make sure it is clarified, We don't know what is going to happen tomorrow, but he needs to make the relationship understood, so you know where you stand and how to proceed with your emotion or if you will need to re-evaluate the relationship. Good Luck, Judy

[younggrandmother]

It could be because your so sweet and caring he thinks you will be understanding.  The BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND is just a title . I know you would love to have the title of girlfriend but If you like / love each other it should not make a difference. How wonderful are you going to fell when the day comes that he call's you GIRLFRIEND it will mean so much more . The time will come if it is meant to be.

[Caromar]

we had already talked about being exclusive to each other. Since I come from another country, dating there is different so I told him I needed to have things clear and asked if we were supposed to date other people, and his reaction was NO! Im only going to see you, I don't need to see anyone else, so we both agreed on the exclusive part.

I understand the whole BRUTAL sister, but he says his sister is a very good girl and very friendly...still I'm just a girl he just met and he just goes out with me now and then?!? though he stays at my apt every weekend if possible, takes care of me, even buys groceries for my roommates...

His ex was only with him for 7 months, and did not even break it off, she just stopped returning his calls and never answered the phone, then he saw her with her ex walking around holding hands (and this was YEARS ago, almost 5, ever since he has not had a gf, not even gone out on a date), I'm not sure if this has anything to do with it, but how come she leaves him says nothing and she does get a gf status, and I don't? after I've been super sweet with him and extra caring, and showed him that he can count on me no matter what.

[cdawg119]

I agre w/ younggrandmother:  I am ALWAYS hesitant to describe to my mother and especially to my sister the exact/hardcore description of the relationship between myself & a new girlfriend.  My sister is BRUTAL and not one of my gf's have ever described her as "welcoming" or "nice & approachable", at least at first.  The deal w/ mom is just the plain ol' issues:  ya know:  momma making sure the girl is good enough for her boy. Hahaha.  Nothing out of the ordinary, but the two girls of the family pack quite a HUGE punch that I'd rather getting struck by if at all possible, hence the "political" descriptions of the relationship, etc.

[Judy246]

Until he clarifies the relationship and intent which he hasn't, I would be concern. Also, he just might be ready to introduce you to his family yet, so anything is possible. Communication is key to the very foundation of a relationship and I would have a talk with him to clarify where you both stand in the relationship, that way you can either continue to grow together or re-evaluate if you accept being just comfortable with him. Right now, you concern is justifiable. Good Luck, Judy

[younggrandmother]

My son is the same way, to his friends she is the (girlfriend), to me and his sister she is a friend. I think it is because he is shy and mom  and sis will won't to know EVERYTHING thing about her.I don't think you have any thing to worry about...

[Julie359]

U really need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him, 4 months is long enough for feelings to of developed and you need to know exactly where u stand in his world and to know if u are init and to what extent.

[Judy246]

You should be concern, because although YOU think you are exclusive, the relationship is not. He has not asked you officially for exclusivity and a committed relationship. If he really cared for you, he would have made it very clear from the begining, confirmed the relationship with friends and family and has not, so use caution, because he has not acknowled you to his friends and family and that is a sign that he is confortable with you, but doesn't see a future with you yet and if you push the issue, he just might not be ready or want an exclusive relationship and will step back, so proceed with caution and if you see he doesn't introduce you to his family or takes to to meet them, take that as a warning sign that he has no intention to pursue the relationship to a higher level.  Proceed with caution...Judy