Aa
its a lost cause isnt it.....
Im so confused..
David and i started dating the day we met (6-9-07)
there hasnt been one day we havent spent together since then.
i lost my virginity to him three weeks into the relationship.
the first few months were absolutally perfect.
after that i started finding things out and he started changing ALOT.
the past year and a half he just keeps getting more and more distant, and emotionally abusive and when he makes me cry he tells me to stop whining like a 2yr old and take my antidepressants.
and when he makes me upset or does ANYTHING wrong he always finds a way to turn it around to be MY fault and he tells me im ****** up in the head and that i need help.
Also when we first started dating we had sex just about every night for months.. then it went to a few times a week.. then all of the sudden it went to about once or twice in like 4 months. I could be completely naked and rubbing on him and he wouldnt even touch me. He uses the "im too tired" "i dont feel good" "maybe later" excuses.. nowadays he gets really mad if i even ask him to have sex with me. BUT if i accuse him of cheating or anything he tells me to shut up and stop acting like his ex. he claims he'd never cheat on me.. but what else am i to think??
over the past year i have found:
-nude pics of girls on his PC (girls he actually knows)
-a letter he wrote to a porn star telling her how she is the most beautiful girl in the entire world and that he wants to get into the porn business just to "work" with her.
-a whole suit-case packed full of porn dvds, wigs, "outfits", breast enhancers, a dildo, etc....
-text messages he had sent to other girls stating that he was single and that i was just an obsessed friend, also text messages he sent girls asking for sexy pictures and asking them to have sex.
there is probably more but idk. And i was stupid enough to stay with him after all of that. i have not found anything recently.. but i know for a fact that he talked to pretty girls on facebook/myspace i just dont know what he says to them.
He is getting to the point to where he doesnt like me going everywhere with him, he doesnt like to cuddle, he gets frustrated when i ask for a kiss or a hug.. BUT yet he tells me that he LOVES me and that if he didnt he's break up with me. He says he wants to marry me and everything....
How am i to believe that? and if i talk to him about ANYTHING all he says is sorry you feel that way.
He HATES my family, he HATES my friends, and he HATES when i even talk to my mother.
Ok so the problem is.. I LOVE HIM. why?? i dont know. but i have lived with him for over a year, im so accustom to the way things are that i am actually AFRAID to be without him... am i crazy?? he makes me cry all the time and im miserable.. but yet at times he can be so sweet.. and i stupidly believe him when he says he loves me.
i dont know what to do because i love him and want to be with him, but at the same time i hate him and dont know how much more emotional stress i can handle.
i dont have money so if i left id have to go back home and if i go back home, its back to fighting everyday with my parents.... so either way im not in a good place.
i just dont know what to do anymore.
David and i started dating the day we met (6-9-07)
there hasnt been one day we havent spent together since then.
i lost my virginity to him three weeks into the relationship.
the first few months were absolutally perfect.
after that i started finding things out and he started changing ALOT.
the past year and a half he just keeps getting more and more distant, and emotionally abusive and when he makes me cry he tells me to stop whining like a 2yr old and take my antidepressants.
and when he makes me upset or does ANYTHING wrong he always finds a way to turn it around to be MY fault and he tells me im ****** up in the head and that i need help.
Also when we first started dating we had sex just about every night for months.. then it went to a few times a week.. then all of the sudden it went to about once or twice in like 4 months. I could be completely naked and rubbing on him and he wouldnt even touch me. He uses the "im too tired" "i dont feel good" "maybe later" excuses.. nowadays he gets really mad if i even ask him to have sex with me. BUT if i accuse him of cheating or anything he tells me to shut up and stop acting like his ex. he claims he'd never cheat on me.. but what else am i to think??
over the past year i have found:
-nude pics of girls on his PC (girls he actually knows)
-a letter he wrote to a porn star telling her how she is the most beautiful girl in the entire world and that he wants to get into the porn business just to "work" with her.
-a whole suit-case packed full of porn dvds, wigs, "outfits", breast enhancers, a dildo, etc....
-text messages he had sent to other girls stating that he was single and that i was just an obsessed friend, also text messages he sent girls asking for sexy pictures and asking them to have sex.
there is probably more but idk. And i was stupid enough to stay with him after all of that. i have not found anything recently.. but i know for a fact that he talked to pretty girls on facebook/myspace i just dont know what he says to them.
He is getting to the point to where he doesnt like me going everywhere with him, he doesnt like to cuddle, he gets frustrated when i ask for a kiss or a hug.. BUT yet he tells me that he LOVES me and that if he didnt he's break up with me. He says he wants to marry me and everything....
How am i to believe that? and if i talk to him about ANYTHING all he says is sorry you feel that way.
He HATES my family, he HATES my friends, and he HATES when i even talk to my mother.
Ok so the problem is.. I LOVE HIM. why?? i dont know. but i have lived with him for over a year, im so accustom to the way things are that i am actually AFRAID to be without him... am i crazy?? he makes me cry all the time and im miserable.. but yet at times he can be so sweet.. and i stupidly believe him when he says he loves me.
i dont know what to do because i love him and want to be with him, but at the same time i hate him and dont know how much more emotional stress i can handle.
i dont have money so if i left id have to go back home and if i go back home, its back to fighting everyday with my parents.... so either way im not in a good place.
i just dont know what to do anymore.
As dysfunctional as your family life may be, at this point, dealing with your parents may be a better option than living with the weirdo that you're with, now.
You know how the saying goes, "lesser of two evils" and that sort of thing.
You know how the saying goes, "lesser of two evils" and that sort of thing.
I agree with everyone, but back up a second- what all did you find in the suitcase? What kind of "outfits"? Wigs and breast enhancers? Are we talking prosthetic boobs or some of those "gain two cup sizes with this herbal remedy!" kind of thing. I'm thinking at the very least he's dabbling in cross dressing and who knows what other paraphilias he's got going on.
I think you are in love with the idea of being in love. This guy has issues, serious issues. The way he talks down to you, tells others you are an obsessed friend! Hello! Read the writing on the wall girlfriend, pack it up and haul it out! And work on that self esteem!
Also, it shows that you dated another guy in April, so I am assuming you are cheating or broke up and opened to dating?
I don't think you "love" him, it's more the fact that you're used to what you have gone through even though you're miserable, and, like you said, you've come to a point where you're afraid to be without him. That's not love, that's being controlled. You believe him when he says he loves you and acts sweet on the rare occasion because that's what you so desperately want to hear that you gobble it up and, not necessarily believe it, but take what you can get, because that's all you get.
It's kinda like starving a pet, but giving it just enough to keep it alive and dependent on you that it won't leave, because you're all it has ever known.
I'm assuming this guy has been your first serious relationship if you lost your virginity to him? If that's the case, it also explains why you stay with him even though you're miserable--because he is all you know, and since you don't know what to expect of any change, you're afraid to even try.
There is plenty of opportunity to turn your life into a success story. You're very young still. When I was 19, I was pretty much in the same boat as you in a bad relationship with my first serious bf to whom I'd lost my virginity and with whom I'd had my first child. I too was afraid to let the relationship go.
I had no self-esteem and everything I'd ever accomplished in my life, he basically took for himself--like my college education that got me my career started and a salary...that he lived off of and contributed practically nothing to help out, and like my first house, that I officially owned and paid for and everything...he moved in (sweet-talked me into letting him) and then turned the tables on me when I wanted to kick him out, saying it was his house too because we had a "common law" marriage. I did all the work and raising of our son and he did and continues to do practically nothing or contribute anything financially. He also hated my family, friends, my pets, my hobbies...the list goes on and on.
But finally, I had enough. He treated me badly, my family badly, and our own son badly. I wasn't so concerned about myself dealing with him, even though I was miserable, but the day I realized my son would be treated like dirt by his own father was the day I kicked him out of my life. I don't regret one second of it--it was the best descision I ever made and I felt liberated beyond belief. I was finally free from that 8 year trap (yes, I'd dated him for 8 miserable years, ages 14-22...biggest waste of my life except for getting my son out of it).
Anyway.
Nothing is stopping you from leaving this guy. I'd highly recommend getting into counseling to build your self-confidence and assertiveness; you'll need it to stand up to jerks like him so you don't end up with any other jerks like him and continue the cycle and lead a miserable life.
Leave him, and move back in with your parents. If you argue with them too much and you can't handle that, then seek out some other options.
Do you have any friends with whom you could be roommates?
Maybe even enroll in college if you're not already, and get on a financial aid program that will include your own dorm.
There are many other opportunities for you to get out successfully. All you need to do is a little research if you're genuinely serious about leaving him. But you need to tell yourself that you are serious about leaving him and cutting off all contact COMPLETELY and PERMANENTLY--if you're not serious about leaving him, then you never will. You will keep going back to him or never leave him at all. At this point, it's up to you.
That's why I recommend counseling to help you build your self-confidence and assertiveness in your own decision-making.
Good luck to you!
It's kinda like starving a pet, but giving it just enough to keep it alive and dependent on you that it won't leave, because you're all it has ever known.
I'm assuming this guy has been your first serious relationship if you lost your virginity to him? If that's the case, it also explains why you stay with him even though you're miserable--because he is all you know, and since you don't know what to expect of any change, you're afraid to even try.
There is plenty of opportunity to turn your life into a success story. You're very young still. When I was 19, I was pretty much in the same boat as you in a bad relationship with my first serious bf to whom I'd lost my virginity and with whom I'd had my first child. I too was afraid to let the relationship go.
I had no self-esteem and everything I'd ever accomplished in my life, he basically took for himself--like my college education that got me my career started and a salary...that he lived off of and contributed practically nothing to help out, and like my first house, that I officially owned and paid for and everything...he moved in (sweet-talked me into letting him) and then turned the tables on me when I wanted to kick him out, saying it was his house too because we had a "common law" marriage. I did all the work and raising of our son and he did and continues to do practically nothing or contribute anything financially. He also hated my family, friends, my pets, my hobbies...the list goes on and on.
But finally, I had enough. He treated me badly, my family badly, and our own son badly. I wasn't so concerned about myself dealing with him, even though I was miserable, but the day I realized my son would be treated like dirt by his own father was the day I kicked him out of my life. I don't regret one second of it--it was the best descision I ever made and I felt liberated beyond belief. I was finally free from that 8 year trap (yes, I'd dated him for 8 miserable years, ages 14-22...biggest waste of my life except for getting my son out of it).
Anyway.
Nothing is stopping you from leaving this guy. I'd highly recommend getting into counseling to build your self-confidence and assertiveness; you'll need it to stand up to jerks like him so you don't end up with any other jerks like him and continue the cycle and lead a miserable life.
Leave him, and move back in with your parents. If you argue with them too much and you can't handle that, then seek out some other options.
Do you have any friends with whom you could be roommates?
Maybe even enroll in college if you're not already, and get on a financial aid program that will include your own dorm.
There are many other opportunities for you to get out successfully. All you need to do is a little research if you're genuinely serious about leaving him. But you need to tell yourself that you are serious about leaving him and cutting off all contact COMPLETELY and PERMANENTLY--if you're not serious about leaving him, then you never will. You will keep going back to him or never leave him at all. At this point, it's up to you.
That's why I recommend counseling to help you build your self-confidence and assertiveness in your own decision-making.
Good luck to you!
Relationships always start real pretty and perfect and then the real personalities surface. First of all, he is emotionally and verbally abusing you. He is being very condesending and talking down to you and I think if he mentioned the "ex" that means he is bringing into your relationship all the old bagage from his previous relationship. He might still have unresolved issues with ex and he is playing you. Yes, if you have found pron, messsages, photos of other women and you stay with him, you are a fool. He has the classic symptoms of cheating and because you love him will put up with this ****. When a man who was very sexually active stops and become distant and short, that means he is cheating.
You have become codependent on him and you are a pefect candidate for physical abuse, because he knows that you love him, he knows that you need him and he knows you have nowhere else to go and he takes advantage of this.
You would be a fool to stay with someone who is mistreating you! This is not love. Love shouldn't hurt and you should have self respect and value youself to not put up with anyone treating you less than what you deserve to be treated. You might love him, but in reality he does not love you...that behavior is not love.
You are worthy of respect and there as so many guys out there just waiting to meet you if you give them an opportunity. Your bf is not the end of the world and when one door closes, the other door opens.
You are to get on that phone as soon as possible. Call your parents (yes, it will feel like you are humiliating yourself, but you have to do this!!!!) and tell them you are being mistreated and need to come home immediately and don't look back.
Please listen to our advise, you have to break up with him or he will one day physically abuse you. Judy
You have become codependent on him and you are a pefect candidate for physical abuse, because he knows that you love him, he knows that you need him and he knows you have nowhere else to go and he takes advantage of this.
You would be a fool to stay with someone who is mistreating you! This is not love. Love shouldn't hurt and you should have self respect and value youself to not put up with anyone treating you less than what you deserve to be treated. You might love him, but in reality he does not love you...that behavior is not love.
You are worthy of respect and there as so many guys out there just waiting to meet you if you give them an opportunity. Your bf is not the end of the world and when one door closes, the other door opens.
You are to get on that phone as soon as possible. Call your parents (yes, it will feel like you are humiliating yourself, but you have to do this!!!!) and tell them you are being mistreated and need to come home immediately and don't look back.
Please listen to our advise, you have to break up with him or he will one day physically abuse you. Judy
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