its a lost cause isnt it.....

[katie-trina]

Im so confused..

David and i started dating the day we met (6-9-07)
there hasnt been one day we havent spent together since then.
i lost my virginity to him three weeks into the relationship.
the first few months were absolutally perfect.
after that i started finding things out and he started changing ALOT.

the past year and a half he just keeps getting more and more distant, and emotionally abusive and when he makes me cry he tells me to stop whining like a 2yr old and take my antidepressants.
and when he makes me upset or does ANYTHING wrong he always finds a way to turn it around to be MY fault and he tells me im ****** up in the head and that i need help.

Also when we first started dating we had sex just about every night for months.. then it went to a few times a week.. then all of the sudden it went to about once or twice in like 4 months. I could be completely naked and rubbing on him and he wouldnt even touch me. He uses the "im too tired" "i dont feel good" "maybe later" excuses..  nowadays he gets really mad if i even ask him to have sex with me. BUT if i accuse him of cheating or anything he tells me to shut up and stop acting like his ex. he claims he'd never cheat on me.. but what else am i to think??

over the past year i have found:
-nude pics of girls on his PC (girls he actually knows)
-a letter he wrote to a porn star telling her how she is the most beautiful girl in the entire world and that he wants to get into the porn business just to "work" with her.
-a whole suit-case packed full of porn dvds, wigs, "outfits", breast enhancers, a dildo, etc....
-text messages he had sent to other girls stating that he was single and that i was just an obsessed friend, also text messages he sent girls asking for sexy pictures and asking them to have sex.

there is probably more but idk. And i was stupid enough to stay with him after all of that. i have not found anything recently.. but i know for a fact that he talked to pretty girls on facebook/myspace i just dont know what he says to them.
He is getting to the point to where he doesnt like me going everywhere with him, he doesnt like to cuddle, he gets frustrated when i ask for a kiss or a hug.. BUT yet he tells me that he LOVES me and that if he didnt he's break up with me. He says he wants to marry me and everything....
How am i to believe that? and if i talk to him about ANYTHING all he says is sorry you feel that way.
He HATES my family, he HATES my friends, and he HATES when i even talk to my mother.

Ok so the problem is.. I LOVE HIM. why?? i dont know. but i have lived with him for over a year, im so accustom to the way things are that i am actually AFRAID to be without him... am i crazy?? he makes me cry all the time and im miserable.. but yet at times he can be so sweet.. and i stupidly believe him when he says he loves me.
i dont know what to do because i love him and want to be with him, but at the same time i hate him and dont know how much more emotional stress i can handle.

i dont have money so if i left id have to go back home and if i go back home, its back to fighting everyday with my parents.... so either way im not in a good place.

i just dont know what to do anymore.

[imanaddict]

IMHO...this guy is bad news! And it sounds like he is cheating. Of course I can't say for sure, but I had an ex that did and said pretty much everything you described. He made it sound like it was my fault and come to find out, the guilty dog barks first! You have already found proof of it and you don't need a confession from him to know the truth...you already know, but are blinded by love just like I was.

You are still young and this guy took your virginity. It's hard to let go of your "First" love/lover, but it just might be what you need to do. Trust me, there are PLENTY of good guys out there that are willing to give it their all in a relationship and won't give you the heartache this guy has. True love is very different from the "love" your bf claims to give and once you find it, you will see a HUGE difference!