know this is weird but i love to be beat on!?!! wtf?

[leigh04]

ok well i am 24 and i love to drink. a little too much sometimes. but when i was 15 i was in a physically abusive relationship and since then i am only attracted to guys that have tempers and like to hit or slap. i have been in 3 relationships with guys that have hit, choked, slapped, etc since i was 15 and am now in a new relationship and the other night i was drinking and begged him to slap me and he was completely shocked. we werent having sex we were
just watching a movie. i just get extremely turned on by getting hit. im sure this has something to do with my early teen years but i mean has anyone else felt like this or am i completely psychotic?

[mami1323]

I think it's great that you are going to bring it up with your psychiatrist and you do see the behavior as wrong.  Hope you get the help you need.  Good luck.

[SeriousSam]

Sorry if I seemed rude.

I knew someone who had some of the problems you mentioned though...

[leigh04]

thank u. alot of people on here has truly helped but i have received alot of comments that
are less polite than how u have put it. i am going to make an appt with my psychiatrist and finally speak up of this situation. obviously i wouldnt have put personal information such as this on here for everyone to see if i didnt think something was wrong with it. thank u again
leigh

[AnnaE]

You can try to stop it, but work on finding out where it comes from.
Amy winehouse is a cutter, and she likes to be hit, and we also are concerned for her. Be concerned for yourself, and continue to speak out about this, as you have done here.

If this were a simple matter, you would stop, I believe. Please keep working on it, and interact with your bf when you are sober/ I am not condemning you for drinking. I would be careful about how it affects you.

[AnxiousGurl]

Also, as RockRose said please just STOP and think before you ask to be hit. You need to be in the right mindset so you can meet your lil one;s needs 100%  it's not healthy for her to have a mother who feens to be hit.

[AnxiousGurl]

I dont know what else to tell you except, your friends are right...it needs to stop. Your daughter has viewed it once and one time can have longlasting effects on her. If you keep getting into relationships with guys who like to hit obviously he may hit your daughter...accidents happen, or maybe it wont be an accident. It's not good for you or your daughter. Please bring it up to your psychiatrist. I know what panic is like and usually there's a root cause to it all and a reason(s) why you act this way and you may not know what it is, remember, or think it's nothing at all... and maybe it''s just something you like, who knows......but maybe your psychiatrist can help you bring it to surface. I wish you the best

[leigh04]

i dont have low self esteem. lots of friends and dont think i look bad or anything. the guy that i am seeing is ok with me being weird but doesnt care to do all that stuff. and actually he mentioned it and 2 of his friends think its "awesome". i dont really think of it that way bc my friends think it needs to stop and doesnt understand it at all. my psychiatrist hasnt mentioned anything yet about any disorders except OCD and panic disorder. i am not depressed. im very happy just not sure why this is in my head. since i was about 5 or so i have had an obsession with my cuts and bruises for some reason. guys, i really dont know what to tell u. besides this im very average in every way that i can think of except for being attracted to guys that like to hit.

[AnxiousGurl]

I really dont get it, it has to come from somewhere. The girl I know of ...I really think craved the attention....and also had a VERY low self esteem.....does this sound like you?
I would bring it up to the psychiatrist..

[SeriousSam]

Has your psychiatrist approached schizophrenia or a disassociative disorder yet?  Do you feel the need for cutting when your stressed or is it possible the rough sex (foreplay) now fills that need?

[babygirl6152]

when you're drinking only- may be the increased heart rate and euphoria/adrenaline rush- I guess I am trying to help you figure it out because sometimes if we know why we do things we can begin to come to terms with things that are a bit "perverted" and then work towards healing.....

[babygirl6152]

I have heard that abuse is welcomed in many women because they truly look forward to the honeymoon/making up phase afterwards- the flowers etc- but that doesn't really fit here a man that didn't even want to hurt you is probably just going to consider you odd and there will be no honeymoon phase- he may not even come back after that date----

[RockRose]

Leigh,  I don't know that you need to see a psychiatrist.  It really doesn't matter why you want to be hit.  Who knows?

What matters is that you stop this destructive behavior. You have such a sweet faced baby,  stop trying to attract men to slap you around.  Just STOP it.  

You don't have to see a shrink to stop it,  just do.  Just stop it.

[leigh04]

ok im back. sorry took so long. ok used to be a cutter. not in several years though. grew
up in normal household. parents r still married, never saw any abuse between them at all in any form. dont know where this came from at all. it does mainly happen when i have been drinking but not all the time. no i dont want my daughter to see this or grow up around it. she has not seen this except when she was first born and me and her father were together. um... any other questions? i do go to a psychiatrist but havent really brought this up yet!

[GRose]

treazzure " i'm assuming that if those people like doing that kind of stuff in the bedroom, of course some crave it in everyday life as well. "

I am going to have to disagree with this statement. I enjoy being spanked in the bedroom but would not put up with much less crave it in everyday life. I think it is completely normal to like some roughness in the bedroom.

Once again I don't think leigh is coming back

[treazzure007]

"Psychotic people don't like being beaten, and they would find that statement insulting"-- it's my understanding that psychotic is just a longer name for crazy and there's no telling what crazy people like or don't like or are capable of on any given day

to leigh04:
no, i don't think you're psychotic.  not since there's a whole world of porn catered to this type of thing.  i'm assuming that if those people like doing that kind of stuff in the bedroom, of course some crave it in everyday life as well.  you can't be alone

[AHP84]

You only get this way when you've been drinking and you're drunk?

Well if that's what gets you to the point of *wanting* to be abused, then stop drinking.

[GRose]

I don't think the original poster is coming back

[AnxiousGurl]

The girl I knew who actually got out of the abusive relatoinship after maybe three years was actually a cutter......its like a cry for help but an attention getter...and they dont know how to get out of it......its a serious problem that needs professional help, she was put in a psychiatric center under suicide watch and everything, but she came from that enviroment growing up and still to this day, her mom is sick and her dad is an abusive alcoholic, nothing we can do here to really help this girl except try to encourage her to get the help herself.

[guera82]

i think you should get help, i know people who are in abusive relationships, and they DO NOT asked to be abused. it would be different if you were having sex and asked ur man to pull ur hair or slap ur *** or something, but not to actually slap ur face while watching a movie. Dont put ur daughter in that type of enviorment.

[mami1323]

This isn't a sexual thing, I think you live off the drama of the situation.  I get kinda freaky every now and then and want a spanking during sex but not to the point where I'm sitting next to my fiance and say hit me.  I think Sam hit the nail on the head....are you a cutter?  

[GRose]

Don't you worry that if you find a guy that is into abusing you he may be into abusing you daughter too? Why would you want a violent person around your baby girl? The kind of men (if you can call them that) that hit women are the same kind of men that may abuse children, that's something you may want to think about.
I agree with serioussam, if your ex were to find out about your desire for an abusive relationship that would be enough fuel to get himself custody of your daughter. Even if your ex doesn't find out, what if the abuse goes too far and someone calls the cops, if you continue to put your daughter in this lifestyle the state may step in and remove her from her home. You can't just think about yourself anymore.

[slow_healer]

leigh04, you've got a few choices here. You can continue to need this behavior, which may (1) scare off any good men who would treat you well, or (2) continue to attract abusive men, who (in strong likelihood) will one day put you in the hospital or permanently damage you with the other kinds of abuse that accompany physical.

Another option is to seek some time with a counsellor and deconstruct why you feel you need to hit in order to allow yourself to feel aroused. Some people grow up in households where women "don't have" sexual feelings, and if they do that makes them ******. There can be so much shame in expressing oneself sexually that it comes to the point where if a person can have the safety of feeling forced, then it's finally okay to allow themselves to feel and be sexual. I don't know what your back story is. That's for you to sort out. I strongly urge you to sort it out, because generally men who enjoy hitting women just aren't healthy men to be with (no matter how incidental your desire to be hit is). You absolutely can reach a healthy place with this feeling.

Do keep this in mind though: it's never okay to make someone do something they're not comfortable with. Coercing a partner to "man up" and be abusive is absolutely abuse in itself.

[SeriousSam]

You may want to get counseling as you have kid(s)?

Let me point out several obvious things.  It does not sound like your average slap & tickle.  Ahuman being can be made to get used to almost anything or the lack of ALMOST anything.  However if you ar with a partner who you want to have that type of dominant behavior and he doesn't want to behave that way you are very likely to start treating him that way.

Either way if your kid is with you and I were an ex knowing what type of guy you are attracted to I would definitely be in court trying to get the kid out of your household.  No offense meant I was in a relationship for several years with a woman who had similar feelings that you do and short term if you can limit it is fine... for you but not for anyone else.

I am curious are you also a cutter? body mod person?

[sammy73]

Personally I don't see anything wrong in wanting to be slapped (or tied down, or whatever else), IF it is part of some sort of role-play that both partners are consenting to and enjoy playing out.  You are both acting, and you both know you are acting.  If that's what turns you on, and your partner is up for it, that's fine, good luck to you.

However in your case, I wonder if it's a bit different - you don't want it just as role-play, for some reason you want to be genuinely abused.  If this is the case, you may have a more serious problem, and would probably benefit from discussing it with a counsellor.

If it is just a sexual thing, but your boyfriend isn't into this sort of role-play, it's not fair to ask him to take part in something that he's not into or comfortable with.  In which case, you've got a tricky choice - keep a lid on this desire when you are with him (maybe let it out when you are fantasising alone), or find a new boyfriend who is into the same sort of stuff as you.