my boyfriend slept with my friend while drunk

[brook_lyn]

My boyfriend & I been toghter for almost 2 years. We have the perfect relationship, we never fight, we love each other unconditionally, always there for each other, we always go out & have fun, we tell each other eveything. Hes my first love my eveything. We plan on getting an apartament toghter & been talking about marriage with kids. Hes perfect for me and the nicest guy i ever met. My family & friends like him. I have been so happy with him.

On friday night we got a hotel with 2 of our friends. It was a lot of fun, drinking & in the Juczzi, we alll got really drunk. Last thing i remember is we all laid on the bed and passed out after throwing up so much. I woke up at 4am i was confused where i was and how i got here lol, shortly after i remeberd we all passed out on the bed so i thought my boyfriend was next to me but i didn't feel him, so i turned the lights on and my boyfriend & friend weren't in the room. I call their cell phones and no answers so i got worried. I was scared they drove somewhere drunk. I went outside and saw his car there so i went outside to his car and found my boyfriend & friend having sex. I got so mad and shocked that i slammed the door and ran back into the room my boyfriend ran after me.

He tells me how sorry he is and that he didn't know what was going on. He said she was coming onto him which i think is true because in the jucuzzi she kept trying to touch him and he kept backing away and coming closer to me. I told him were over and he was crying he told me how much he needs me and he knows how much he screwed up and would never drink again. He would not let me leave him. He would cry and grab me if i tried to walk away, give me hugs , holding me and telling me how sorry he reallly is.  I forgave him quickly because i reallly love him so much and I know he was drunk and i try to be very understanding. I know if it was the other way around i would want him to forgive me.

My "friend" i barley know. It was my 2nd time hanging out with her and i only knew her for about 2 weeks. We just started working toghter so thats how i met her. I thought she was so nice & cool to hang out with but now i know the real her. Even when she wasn't that drunk she was coming onto him, grabing him, flirting with him & at that time he wasn't drunk so he backed away from her. He has no interest her. He told me he will never talk to her again, no feelings were there and he wants nothing to do with her again.  Now i know shes not a friend and i don't plan on becoming good friends with her now, but i didn't want to stay angry with her and act crazy because i do work with her so i want to be able to at least talk at work without it being akward & hating each other.

Did i make the right decision forgiving him? What would you do if you were in this situation? I need some advice.

Thank you for reading this all.

[rafecu]

All i can tell u is my experience, I made the same type mistake ur boyfriend made, My girl friend ,both then 18, forgave me, became my wife at 18 and 27 years later we are still very happily married.  It actually kinda woke me up, and i wasn't drunk. Oh and it does sound like that girl knew what she was doin from the start. So search your heart and do what you think is best for you.

[AnnieBrooke]

When you opened the door and found your boyfriend and the other gal having sex, he did NOT look confusedly at her and say "Oh %&#@!!!! I thought this was YOU!"  or "Where am I, and what am I doing?!?" or (looking at the woman he was having sex with) "Who are YOU?"  He didn't act confused.  He was not passed out, he left the room with her and proceeded to have sex.  He was not mistaking who he was with, he wasn't in a blackout because he leaped up and begged your forgiveness and remembered everything the next day.  He didn't try to say he didn't know what he was doing, he just acted caught.  

Blaming it on alcohol -- alcohol releases inhibitions, but what it does is release who is really there on the inside, not take over their body and make them do something they don't want to do.  (What if it had been a guy coming on to him?  Are you saying that he would have left the room with him and gotten into a car and had sex because he had had so much to drink?)  

In short, please do not discount that he did this totally of his own volition.  The gal's advances merely told him she was available.  He was not forced in any way, even by the presence of alcohol, to accept the invitation.

I think he has destroyed your trust in fidelity in a partner for a long time, if not forever, and that is a lot to forgive.

If your fear is losing such a (surface) perfect relationship, well, please remember that if you are lovable enough for a boyfriend to be talking marriage, apartment and kids, you are lovable enough for other guys to feel that way, too.  You picked a weak brother, it is not your fault, you trusted and were betrayed, but that is his problem and not yours.  You have the right to be able to trust, and there are men out there who are perfectly trustworthy and their commitments can be believed.

[sweetpea03]

Cheating is VERY difficult to get over. It's ok to forgive and want to work it out, but you have to realize it's not easy at all to move on from this. What Teko wrote is true and something you really need to think about. Once someone loses trust, it's hard to regain. In my opinion, I would say to cut your losses and move on. He had enough sense to make the decision to chase after you, so he knew exactly what he was doing. He's made up some very lame excuses and isn't taking responsibility for his actions. He absolutely needs to own up to them if you both want any chance at all for this to work out. Good luck with what ever you choose to do.

[AHP84]

I think teko summed it all up perfectly in her last post. I couldn't have said it better.

[Kimmi1565]

Ok.  Some may not agree with "once a cheater, always a cheater", and that's fine.  From MY life experiences, it's rung true.  My biggest issue with this is that you've only been together 2 years.  Marriage is supposed to be about a lifetime together (ideally).  If he cheated on you 2 years in, how do you know it won't happen again?  If you were married already, had kids, or had been together 5+ years, I could understand working it out.  Sometimes I think people can work things out.  2 years is a short time, and you sound like you're pretty young still.

I tried working it out with one guy after cheating.  I met him when I was 17, he was 25.  We got along really well.  Fast forward 3 years and 1 child later, I found out that he was cheating on me with a girl at his work.  He begged and pleaded for another chance.  Said it would never happen again.  I forgave him.  He cheated again.  We've left it as just friends for a few years now.  He cheats on every girl he's with.  There was no consequence for him cheating.  If there had been, maybe he wouldn't be this way now.  If I had known then what I know now, I would have never taken him back.

What you do is your choice, but just think about it.  2 years isn't very long if you're planning on spending a lifetime with him ;)

[teko]

I think the fallout of this deed is what is going to tell the tale. Lets see what happens when, as a result of all this,when this young lady starts distrusting all other females when they are around him,even friends,  or the insecurity it is going to invoke when he starts drinking in or out of her presence. Or watching his every move to see if he is looking at other girls, which he will eventually unless he goes blind. When the resentment of the betrayal starts to outweigh all those feelings of forgiveness. With all the intentions of forgiveness feels more like enabling him to do it again, and living with that thought on a daily basis,  because, it worked once? Jealousy, distrust, low self image. Quite the price to pay for one night of drunken behavior. To him? No, to her.  HE will also pay a price for all of these emotions and at first it will be feelings that he deserves it, then resentment at having to pay the piper for a long time to come as a result of invoking these emotions with his drunken behavior. Can the relationship stand this, long term, in the dating phase? Time will tell. That is one rollercoaster ride I would not willingly take. IMO