Aa
narcissistic personality and cheating!
Husband cheats and when gets caught blames me, and offers no closure. His last woman (I've spoken to a few) told me he was a narcissistic liar and told me good luck if I stay, but if it were her she'd run like hell. I can't stop torturing myself by looking at her facebook and pix of themtogether. Looking for advise or comments thanks.
I see that You are 40 years old so I will assume You have been married to this man(?) for some time. I will also assume You have been under His influence and control for some time. I make those assumptions not because He "blames" You for His affairs, but because You are so willing to believe Him. I make that assumption because You "torture YourSelf by looking at Her facebook and pics of them together". I assume You're trying to 'figure' out "what does She have that I don't?", "what does She do for Him that I don't?"
I'm here to tell You - There Is NOTHING Wrong With You !!
What is "wrong" here is HIS Character!! HIS Standards!! & HIS Morality!!
Cheating IS a Character issue - and Character comes within - One's Character cannot be blamed on another. If it's not in One's Character to cheat, One will not cheat NO MATTER the circumstance !!
I was married to a serial cheater for 15 years. He cheated with Women I did not know, He cheated with 'friends' of mine, He cheated with BOTH my Brothers' wives. I can't even tell You how MANY affairs He had over the years. EACH and EVERY time I thought it was my fault, that if I was the Wife He 'wanted' or 'needed' He would not cheat. FINALLY, at the age of 30 (I was 15 years old when I married) I left Him. At that point I was not expecting to EVER be happy again - I just knew I didn't want to be UN happy anymore!! and I had reached the point that I could not stand the sight, the sound or even the smell of Him anymore. I HAD to get away from Him!! I HAD to!!
Please understand that I only speak in 'words' here and the 'words' that are available to me remain a LONG, LONG way from the Turmoil, the Despair the Anguish I felt for WAY too many YEARS!!
I'm kinda getting lost here in all the emotion that I'm trying so hard to convey (share) to (with) You but bottom line is:
Londres70 is so RIGHT ON when She said:
"He keeps doing it because He knows You aren't leaving and that You tolerate it"
My Husband cheated CONTINUOUSLY for 15 years because I 'tolerated' it for 15 years. He did NOT think I would ever leave Him and for a while He was devastated that I left !! He "loved me more than anyone He had ever been with" (!!??) "and He couldn't believe I would leave Him over this" (!!??)
There is SO much more to this "story" than I could ever relate to You here but suffice it to say:
Today He has been married to His second Wife (a wonderful Woman who is loved by my and his) 3 Children) for 35!! years and He is STILL!! a serial cheater!! His cheating was NOT about me back then and it IS NOT about Her now - She's 60 years old now, maybe She feels it's too late for Her to make a change? maybe She feels stuck in Her situation? maybe She feels it IS Her "fault"? I don't know what She's thinking but I do know He's still out there getting HIS "rocks off" no matter the pain He gives His Wife
Love does NOT hurt!! Love is NOT unkind!! Don't waste any more of Your life on this person who is not willing to commit HimSelf to You - Heart, BODY, and Soul.
I'm here to tell You - There Is NOTHING Wrong With You !!
What is "wrong" here is HIS Character!! HIS Standards!! & HIS Morality!!
Cheating IS a Character issue - and Character comes within - One's Character cannot be blamed on another. If it's not in One's Character to cheat, One will not cheat NO MATTER the circumstance !!
I was married to a serial cheater for 15 years. He cheated with Women I did not know, He cheated with 'friends' of mine, He cheated with BOTH my Brothers' wives. I can't even tell You how MANY affairs He had over the years. EACH and EVERY time I thought it was my fault, that if I was the Wife He 'wanted' or 'needed' He would not cheat. FINALLY, at the age of 30 (I was 15 years old when I married) I left Him. At that point I was not expecting to EVER be happy again - I just knew I didn't want to be UN happy anymore!! and I had reached the point that I could not stand the sight, the sound or even the smell of Him anymore. I HAD to get away from Him!! I HAD to!!
Please understand that I only speak in 'words' here and the 'words' that are available to me remain a LONG, LONG way from the Turmoil, the Despair the Anguish I felt for WAY too many YEARS!!
I'm kinda getting lost here in all the emotion that I'm trying so hard to convey (share) to (with) You but bottom line is:
Londres70 is so RIGHT ON when She said:
"He keeps doing it because He knows You aren't leaving and that You tolerate it"
My Husband cheated CONTINUOUSLY for 15 years because I 'tolerated' it for 15 years. He did NOT think I would ever leave Him and for a while He was devastated that I left !! He "loved me more than anyone He had ever been with" (!!??) "and He couldn't believe I would leave Him over this" (!!??)
There is SO much more to this "story" than I could ever relate to You here but suffice it to say:
Today He has been married to His second Wife (a wonderful Woman who is loved by my and his) 3 Children) for 35!! years and He is STILL!! a serial cheater!! His cheating was NOT about me back then and it IS NOT about Her now - She's 60 years old now, maybe She feels it's too late for Her to make a change? maybe She feels stuck in Her situation? maybe She feels it IS Her "fault"? I don't know what She's thinking but I do know He's still out there getting HIS "rocks off" no matter the pain He gives His Wife
Love does NOT hurt!! Love is NOT unkind!! Don't waste any more of Your life on this person who is not willing to commit HimSelf to You - Heart, BODY, and Soul.
Ditto Chima!
He keeps doing it because he knows you aren't leaving and you tolerate it.
He keeps doing it because he knows you aren't leaving and you tolerate it.
I went to your profile and it looks like you have one or more teenagers at home?
I don't know what your financial situation is, but if you are able to offer your kids a stable lifestyle in the same community they are now living in if you split, I'd see no reason at all not to.
If splitting would wreck you financially and you will be unable to provide basic expectations (staying in the same school, some amount of spending money for activities and clothes, etc.) then I'd stay until they are out of the house.
In general, is he a good father and provider?
I don't know what your financial situation is, but if you are able to offer your kids a stable lifestyle in the same community they are now living in if you split, I'd see no reason at all not to.
If splitting would wreck you financially and you will be unable to provide basic expectations (staying in the same school, some amount of spending money for activities and clothes, etc.) then I'd stay until they are out of the house.
In general, is he a good father and provider?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there. Very sorry. It concerns me that you've talked to a 'few' (meaning he's a serial cheater) and you're saying he cheats and blames you as if that is no big deal.
And what you are doing is obsessing about HER and how they were together.
Sweetie, I am going to beg you to see a therapist. This is a vicious cycle of unhealthy thinking leading to unhealthy reactions on your part. It's NOT YOUR FAULT that he cheated but your fault that you stay. That you take it. That you don't have a boundary for HOW MUCH you will take. That is what you need to work on.
Not worrying about this other woman.
Worry about yourself and how you can get to a place in life in which the people you allow in it live up to your expectations or else they aren't allowed in your life anymore.
good luck
And what you are doing is obsessing about HER and how they were together.
Sweetie, I am going to beg you to see a therapist. This is a vicious cycle of unhealthy thinking leading to unhealthy reactions on your part. It's NOT YOUR FAULT that he cheated but your fault that you stay. That you take it. That you don't have a boundary for HOW MUCH you will take. That is what you need to work on.
Not worrying about this other woman.
Worry about yourself and how you can get to a place in life in which the people you allow in it live up to your expectations or else they aren't allowed in your life anymore.
good luck
If it were me in your position, I would kick the cheating narcissist to the curb. While I realize divorce is a grueling and difficult option, the fact is that you can't stay with a husband who repeatedly cheats on you over and over again. He's disrespecting you, he is treating your marriage like garbage, and he's probably become a walking std factory too. I don't see how or even why you'd want to stay married to someone who has treated your marriage like a complete farce and has quite literally zero respect for you. At this point, what's the point of staying married? He wants to be a single who sleeps around with multiple women, fine, then throw him out and file the papers today for a divorce. Find a lawyer today and don't wait any longer.
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