need advice, starting to stress...

[jesseesgirl]

ok so I have a little situation here... my and my man went to the courthouse back in november 09 and got married. We have NOT told anyone except our parents (they were there with us). In june, we are planning our "wedding" so the family and friends can come and see it... (they dont know we are already married). Iv been thinking about it and im not sure if i want to do another cerimony, but im torn because I dont want to hurt anybodys feelings, and I dont know how to tell people we are already married. We just want to have a reception and do a little backyard party/reception for people to come and see us. Has anyone else gone thru something like this? I could really, really use some advice, as i am really starting to stress out...

[Judy246]

That's a great idea, intimate, personal and with family. You can even have a priest or whatever religious denomination you are come and perform the sacred union anywhere you want. You have so many options and yes, it is an exciting time. Small, private, family an quaint. It sounds wonderful, good luck...Judy

[jesseesgirl]

thanks for all the posts! I think what im going to end up doing is just do a very small cerimony in front of a few family members, and then go ahead with the reception afterwords. Im just gonna rent a tent for my dads backyard, and decorate the yard a bit, then have my mom make party trays and call it good... just simply and non-formal... im excited =)

[Judy246]

First, congratulations on your marriage and you have to ask yourself that now you and your husband have been legally married and do you know what to have a religious ceremony or sacred union. This is a very personal decision, which only you and your husband should consider. In many religious denominations, they do have small private chapel, which doesn't have to be the whole church ceremony, which is also acceptable. If you both do not want to be married by a religious denomination, then tell your family you have married legally and would like the family to celebrate your union with a dinner. I wouldn't worry about who responds the way they want to respond, because you are now legally married and can move forward with your future and new husband. In other words...it' ok to tell the family you both decided to marry quitely, privately, intimately and would now like to inform the family of the good news.  Good luck...Judy

[teko]

Tell em you didnt want to get into a big expense at the time, and now you want to share with the ones you love in the form of party! BYOB?

[mayflowers]

Do what you and your man want.  Don't worry about making anyone "mad", this is your day, your life.

When I got married, I did what everyone told me I should do and I regret it.  I wish I had done it my way instead of worrying about family and friends.   I had to worry about who likes what kind of food, when to have it so it would be convenient for people...too much work and I barely remember that day anyway.   I should have just done what I wanted and whoever wanted to come great, whoever didn't, that's would have been ok too.  Never again.  Next time I'm going to Vegas and getting married in a drive through chapel.  Then we will have a nice dinner and get a nice suite.

Your girlfriends will be thrilled they don't have to be in a wedding and buy a dress that they will never wear again.   I will never be in another wedding - ever.  It's too much work!  And it's expensive.  A girlfriend asked me to be in her wedding and at first I said then I had to tell her I didn't want to do it.  I would rather attend a wedding, not be in one.   She understood and we're still friends.  What a relief to not have to buy another bridesmaid dress!!!  If they are your friends, they will understand anyway.  You're still going to invite them right???

Tell your grandparents alone with your husband and parents by your side.  I'm sure they will understand.  They will probably be happy that you two got married and not just living together.

Here's my idea - wear  your wedding dress.   I think they are pretty and it's really the only time you can actually wear a wedding dress and it's appropriate.  (Unless it's Halloween...LOL) Your hubby can wear a nice suit.   Have some pics taken with your family - you will enjoy looking at them for years to come.  

Have a little ceremony - just you two and a maid-of-honor & a best man, withi a minister or justice of the peace.  People like to watch this.  It will be nice for you two have a public viewing of your committment to each other.

You can keep it simple, elegant and everyone will be happy.  Good luck and Congratulations!  

[jesseesgirl]

I appreciate the advice! We are actually planning the reception for june 5th, 2010. We are just still trying to decide if its even worth doing the "cerimony" again. I bought a wedding dress and I plan on wearing it, and I want him in a suit, not a tux. I just dont want my grandparents to feel hurt because I havent told them that weve been married for over 6 months... its all too much to think about. Another problem is that iv already asked a few girls to be brides maids, and Im not sure how to tell them i dont need them anymore. (thank god they didnt buy their dresses yet... id feel so bad). Do you think it would be pointless to wear a wedding dress to just a reception? Or should I do a very small "cerimony" and just not tell people that we have been married for a while?

[specialmom]

I think we must have been writing at the same time---LOL

[Ashelen]

LOL specialmom has a better idea there. for some reason I missed the part where you said you DID want a reception, that you just didn't want to repeat the ceremony.

[Ashelen]

My husband and I had planned a huge ceremony, but we miscarried our baby a few months before the day of our wedding, so we nixed it all and went to the courthouse with just our parents. We did have a barbecue the next day that people were welcome to come to, but it wasn't a big thing like our original ceremony was supposed to be.

I think a lot of people's feelings were hurt, but we planned to have a big masquerade ball in a few years that people could come to where we would renew our vows.

You shouldn't stress about it...it's YOUR marriage. if people's feelings are hurt, they're taking it WAY too personally. your happiness is all that matters on your wedding day/ceremony day and they have no business acting hurt if you make a choice that's best for you.

You could always do what we're planning to do...for our 5 or 10 year anniversary we're going to renew our vows and throw a party then. No stress for now because we've still got at least another 2 years before we even have to think about it, but it's a way to include people that are sensitive about feeling excluded.

But if you don't want a party, don't throw a party! It's your choice, 100%, and people who love you will come to understand that sooner or later :). I would just tell people that you and your husband eloped, and make it sound very romantic and sweet, and instead of feeling left out people will say "that's so romantic!!!" and if they ask "when's the party?" say "we're considering throwing a party when we renew our vows, but we're just enjoying our newlywed period right now..it's like a daily honeymoon!"

you see what I'm saying? a lot of their reaction will depend on HOW you say things :). good luck and don't stress...congrats on the marriage!!!

[specialmom]

I have seen people send out an announcment similar to a birth announcement.  You would have it be decorative and happy.  Then you could attach an invitation to a party to celebrate.  

Something to the effect of " name of you and name of him"  "We wish to announce to the world that on such and such a date, we became one in marriage.  (leave the date out if you wish if many will wonder why you haven't told them) We are ready to celebrate with all of our friends and family so please join us "  Or something like that.  Very modern!!  

If they ask why you didn't tell, you can say that you thought of renewing your vows for all to see but decided that it wasn't necessary.  So you just wanted to share the good news.  If you don't have a good answer, you don't really have to give one.  You may have some people that feel close to you and wondering why you didn't tell.  Be as honest as you can.  And tell them it has been killing you not to tell them!!!  good luck