Aa
need your advice, plz
OMG cant' blive my bro-in-law is here n' staying with us. he is now creating problms for me. n' i hate it. I been very much hurt by my husband in the past. (n' with his parents too) now with his 18-19yr old brother acting as hez the bozz of the house n' im the servert for him. My parents never raised me to be like this. I want him to go back to his country insted of ruining my peace n' my life. Please Pray with me !!!. Hope God will hear our prayers soon. Ps- On the top of that me n' my hubby hav no "privacy" OMG what im feeling is "im 27, but now im 67" life changed in a week . very depressed n' hopless. any advice???
Best Answer
I will try my best to be nice with him. Lets see how long i can move on like this.
If your kids don't have a dad, they WILL "go hungry". They'll go hungry for a father.
I hope you stop trying to conceive during this very difficult time. Being without a dad is a horrible, as horrible as it is to be without a mom.
I hope you stop trying to conceive during this very difficult time. Being without a dad is a horrible, as horrible as it is to be without a mom.
yes you both are absolutly rite. but we tried to get things done, many times. n' it worked n' we move on n' on. but again, we found the same problm again oain n our way. then we start to have an arrguments. to bring his bro-in-law wasnt my idea, (i hate that anyway, no privacy of ttc, or its like one more person to babysit). its hard for me. anyway im skiiping that story now. when i thought about the baby, n' once i get pregnant, My heart says my husb will never leave me, but im scared his family might force him or not. However, when we get to the part of discussing"divorce" he will act nice with me, n' avoid problms from his family. so i wanted him to realize that "not to divorce me, but you need to change your behavir like takeing sides from his fmaily. so I and his baby SHOULD me his 1st praority.
INcase if He listens to his family, n' avoid me or dont understand my feelings, then i can go from his life. not a problm. there are many many women raising kids as single mom. I will never ever let my kids go hungry as long as i live.
INcase if He listens to his family, n' avoid me or dont understand my feelings, then i can go from his life. not a problm. there are many many women raising kids as single mom. I will never ever let my kids go hungry as long as i live.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh gosh. I missed that last post. I must say that these aren't good reasons to have a baby with someone. Do you know that children usually increase the tension level between the couple? It also makes for significantly more work around the house and parents tend to be tired. If your marriage is already in trouble--------- having a baby will not make it better. It will make it worse and that is hard for a child to grow up in such a home.
If you think that you liked being single best then I would consider becoming single. His money if that is what is keeping you there is not worth it. You can work and get by. Be happy--------- and if single is what is happier for you than in this marriage, then it would be a good choice. Then maybe you'd meet someone who's family you got along with and who you did not fight with in such a way.
But trying to conceive for the reasons that you state are going to be disastrous for everyone in the end. You should only try to conceive when you are in love with someone and want to be with them (not keep them there) or because you are so excited to raise a child. I don't really hear any of that in what you write--------- so that really really worries me.
Good luck. Oh, and I would NOT try to conceive during this year or two that his brother is staying with you. Pregnancy and then a baby while he is there would be a nightmare.
good luck
If you think that you liked being single best then I would consider becoming single. His money if that is what is keeping you there is not worth it. You can work and get by. Be happy--------- and if single is what is happier for you than in this marriage, then it would be a good choice. Then maybe you'd meet someone who's family you got along with and who you did not fight with in such a way.
But trying to conceive for the reasons that you state are going to be disastrous for everyone in the end. You should only try to conceive when you are in love with someone and want to be with them (not keep them there) or because you are so excited to raise a child. I don't really hear any of that in what you write--------- so that really really worries me.
Good luck. Oh, and I would NOT try to conceive during this year or two that his brother is staying with you. Pregnancy and then a baby while he is there would be a nightmare.
good luck
I'm having a little bit of trouble following the story thefebygirl, but it sounds like you are trying to conceive so that when he divorces you after you have kids he won't go far because he won't want to leave the baby and if he divorces you he would have to pay child support so he might not go through with it?
This is really not the way to go. Please don't drag a poor baby into this marriage - neither one of you are ready to be husband and wife, let alone mommy and daddy to a helpless child.
This is really not the way to go. Please don't drag a poor baby into this marriage - neither one of you are ready to be husband and wife, let alone mommy and daddy to a helpless child.
i went only one time to his country, QATAR. very beautiful country. but hate to live with his family. Bside, about divorce. well, here it goes an other prob. we been ttc for the past 6months, n' 2 weeks ago found out tht his sperm counts are low, so we need to see a dr. since then i ask him 2 set an apmt with the dr. he said he will but didnt. i ask him everyday n' his response is the same. i get anger, sad or whtever u can name that "emotional state". yesterday he said "u know i have cancer n' cant repoduce" i know its not true, ITS NOT TRUE, he just made an excuse. i was mad n' i said "Prise the lord, its good" he got mad n' said "get out of my life". eversince we dont talk at all. his bro tried to make me understand this n' that. but why dont he do the same with his bro(my husb) means whtever his family do is always RIGHT.
if i get mad im wrong. n' now u tell me what i should do??? on the otherside, yes i admit that my husb is good at kitcken helping me/puting the trash outside etc.
on the other side, truly, i wish i never been married. just b single is the best. always the best.
I had problms with his family in the past, so eversince that i dont talk 2 them, neither do them.
about the divorce after we hv kids, for me is the best ever. b'coz 1st he will get emotionaly upset to leave his baby. (nobody will order the baby to stay with him anyway)2nd. he have to pay for a child support. so he hav to understand all these when he make me upset.
so once he thought about all these he would do his best to make me happy n' avoid the dvce...
if i get mad im wrong. n' now u tell me what i should do??? on the otherside, yes i admit that my husb is good at kitcken helping me/puting the trash outside etc.
on the other side, truly, i wish i never been married. just b single is the best. always the best.
I had problms with his family in the past, so eversince that i dont talk 2 them, neither do them.
about the divorce after we hv kids, for me is the best ever. b'coz 1st he will get emotionaly upset to leave his baby. (nobody will order the baby to stay with him anyway)2nd. he have to pay for a child support. so he hav to understand all these when he make me upset.
so once he thought about all these he would do his best to make me happy n' avoid the dvce...
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh boy. Well, NEVER move back to the country of his origen. Never ever never ever never ever.
It is interesting because in your post before this last one, you said your husband would quickly pick up a cup of his bother's and make his bed, etc. He seemed kind of "on your side". I sure wish he would be.
Some situations are just not meant to be. And I think this brother situation is one of them. I am equal to my husband and my opinion counts. Your husband seems like he feels that way a little . . . as he takes your pointing out his brother's mess in an appropriate way.
Do you want to divorce him? Is the way he treats you in regard to his family disrespectful enough that it seems like it will only get worse say when you do have kids? I would be a little afraid of that.
I would try to think of a way to speak to him that doesn't set things up as you against his family. How you could convey that you appreciate his loyalty to his family but how can we do things so that you are BOTH happy with the arrangement?
Do you think that would help?
It is interesting because in your post before this last one, you said your husband would quickly pick up a cup of his bother's and make his bed, etc. He seemed kind of "on your side". I sure wish he would be.
Some situations are just not meant to be. And I think this brother situation is one of them. I am equal to my husband and my opinion counts. Your husband seems like he feels that way a little . . . as he takes your pointing out his brother's mess in an appropriate way.
Do you want to divorce him? Is the way he treats you in regard to his family disrespectful enough that it seems like it will only get worse say when you do have kids? I would be a little afraid of that.
I would try to think of a way to speak to him that doesn't set things up as you against his family. How you could convey that you appreciate his loyalty to his family but how can we do things so that you are BOTH happy with the arrangement?
Do you think that would help?
Thankx. i guess hez stying with us for a year or a year n' 1/2 BTW its feels like forever. for my hub well, hope i really really hope he stays like this way. an other thing is my husb family grew up in middleeast countris so in ther"Culture" mens dont do ANYTHING in the kitcken or wash thier dishes IF they do it means they are "under somone" or not"MANLY". so his bro- grew up in that way. but here im diff. so they gotta deal with tht. im not doing all the stuffs like their women do.
plus i work n' taking 2 classes in a week. If i feel like "its too much for me to handle or cant live this way" i probly go 4 a divorce. but i hv a prob doing that also, coz now we dont hv no kids. so its ez for him to dvce me(n' i dont want that, i want him to feel real bad for his mistakes) HOWEVER, I know whtever happnes my husb stays with his bro or take his sides.
All his family is like that way, they dont admit that they are wrong.
plus i work n' taking 2 classes in a week. If i feel like "its too much for me to handle or cant live this way" i probly go 4 a divorce. but i hv a prob doing that also, coz now we dont hv no kids. so its ez for him to dvce me(n' i dont want that, i want him to feel real bad for his mistakes) HOWEVER, I know whtever happnes my husb stays with his bro or take his sides.
All his family is like that way, they dont admit that they are wrong.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh yeesh. Well, first---- I'm glad you found a modern man that understand that it is fair for him to help out around the house and in the kitchen. Good for you!!
I'd be annoyed that he said that about the dishes as well. He sounds very backwards and old fashioned.
Ya know, you could politely say to him "watch and learn how to be a wonderful husband so you can be loved as much as I love your brother some day." Then give your husband a kiss on the cheek and hand him the dishtowel.
Your husband does sound very supportive of you and loving. If you ask him about an end date to his brother's stay, what does he say?
Yes, I wish you much sanity and calmness and strength in dealing with this. Sounds really hard!
I'd be annoyed that he said that about the dishes as well. He sounds very backwards and old fashioned.
Ya know, you could politely say to him "watch and learn how to be a wonderful husband so you can be loved as much as I love your brother some day." Then give your husband a kiss on the cheek and hand him the dishtowel.
Your husband does sound very supportive of you and loving. If you ask him about an end date to his brother's stay, what does he say?
Yes, I wish you much sanity and calmness and strength in dealing with this. Sounds really hard!
Thankx for ur advice. yes i did couple things u mentioned, like, clen up when he mess up. well, i hv noticed that he dont make his own bed when he gets up, i got so mad when i saw that, but didnt say anything , after 10-15mts my husb made his bed. Also, he is a tea drinker, after drinking he leves his cup on the table, n' i showd that to my husb like(is that his cup on the table?" then my husb took n' clen his cup. which is all good . coz if i said things like this directly to him, then his all family will turn on me, so let my hub take his part.
what made me sooo mad the other day was, me n' my hub after the dinner/lunch we both work/help each other in the kitchen. like sometimes he washup the dishes, n' me clen the table or put leftover food in the refrig. (i cant do all these things n' that takes more time, so he understood me n' helping me) but when his bro-in-law saw that my husb (his bro) washing the dishes, he got NUTS. starting in his laug that ohh why u r doing this in our family nobody do this, bla bla bla.
OMG i got so mad, but didnt show it, i said "this is hw we do it here n' in the kitchen we r a team, n' therez no wrong with it" THNK GOD my husb supported me.
NOW im kinnaa wired that, what if his bro-in-law put these kind of stuffs in my husb mind, then its gonna b a big prob.
Im Praying to God that plz give me peace n' strength to face all of these.
what made me sooo mad the other day was, me n' my hub after the dinner/lunch we both work/help each other in the kitchen. like sometimes he washup the dishes, n' me clen the table or put leftover food in the refrig. (i cant do all these things n' that takes more time, so he understood me n' helping me) but when his bro-in-law saw that my husb (his bro) washing the dishes, he got NUTS. starting in his laug that ohh why u r doing this in our family nobody do this, bla bla bla.
OMG i got so mad, but didnt show it, i said "this is hw we do it here n' in the kitchen we r a team, n' therez no wrong with it" THNK GOD my husb supported me.
NOW im kinnaa wired that, what if his bro-in-law put these kind of stuffs in my husb mind, then its gonna b a big prob.
Im Praying to God that plz give me peace n' strength to face all of these.
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Then, discuss in a pleasant way that your bil must go. There needs to be an end date to his stay and ask that date to be set.
All of this is a mute point, however, if your husband shows you no respect and doesn't care about your feelings. Then you ask him to go to marriage counseling with you.
good luck