prude turned cheater

[gisellemarie]

Hi, im new at this online stuff but feel like i have no one to turn to. I need to figure out what is wrong with me! I used to be very careful with sex, pretty much never having it unless i really loved a guy. i had 2 partners in  my twenties (none before), and i really thought i was going to marry each of them. I am still with the second guy. he and i have been together for 5 years with no major problems, but something inside me changed when i turned thirty. i resented him all of a sudden for wasting my time and i began to cheat on him like crazy. with anyone who paid attention to me! i feel so ashamed. i don't know if i need the attention or if im just an awful person:(. the only other thing in my sexual history is that i was assaulted by someone close to my family when i was 23, and my family chose to believe their friend rather than me. i really don't think that is any excuse, especially since it was so many years ago.

[gisellemarie]

thank you everyone. i have a counseling appointment actually next week, to discuss this very issue, i am confused about my relationship, that's certain, but more so im afraid that "once a cheater always a cheater" might possibly be true -- i am scared that i've gone done a path that will never change no matter what guy i am with. thats why i don't want to use the assault or my boyfriend's procrastination as an excuse until i know im not "one of those girls."
i am so relieved to have found a place like this where i can freely discuss my concerns. last night was the first night in months i didn't cry on the way home, thank you to everyone.

[younggrandmother]

Turing 30 is a difficult time for a woman. You start thinking about the big picture, and what and where you thought you would be by now. Most of your friends and family members were probably married by this time. Now in days people get married a lot later in life. If you feel like you are at the point in you life, were you NEED a commitment then you need to communicate this to your b/friend.Why stay with someone who does not wont the same thing as you do. It could be just the opposite you may feel this is the time to have fun and meet new people. Your in your 30s you probably have a career that you have worked hard for, and not had the time for yourself. In any case you need to communicate what ever it may be, to your b/friend its is not fare to ether of you to be in a relationship that is full of infidelity  
You need to do what makes you happy, if you are unhappy it will reflect on any relationship.
Forgive your self, every one makes mistakes remember you are only human and if he is not giving you what you need or wont then you need to make the decision to stay of leave. You didn't have a ring on your finger when this happened.You had not committed your self to him. I'm not saying that it wasn't a bad choice, but you were not married. It would be totally different if you took the vow of marriage. So take a leap of faith and do what makes you happy, you should always come first.You are the most important person in your life.
      

[adr333]

I think maybe you should have screwed around before you got too serious with these guys.

[Judy246]

I'm sorry to hear that you were a victim of assult. I don't think that you are no longer in love with your b/fm  because too much time is passing and he is not taking the relationship to a higher level and you are aware of it and are possibly lashing or acting out by being unfaithful. I think you should seek counseling to help you with past unresolved trauma(s) and get to the bottom of your problem with you b/f and why he has not at least givin you an engagement ring by now. You might also want to re-evaluate your relationship if you want to continue in a dead end going no where relationship or both seek a counselor to try to sort out the problems. Good luck, Judy

[mami1323]

I do believe you may be tired of your current relationship and are looking for more.  However, I feel like the best thing for you to do is to end your current relationship.  There is no point in continuing with him if you are going to be cheating.  Apparently you aren't happy in the relationship and so just to get your head on straight you should take a break.  

[gisellemarie]

jo, thank you for thinking there is nothing wrong with me and also just for answering! i realize i have to figure things out but there is much less anxiety when there is someone out there who listens, i DID want to marry my current boyfriend, but i no longer feel i deserve it, and somehow that makes me want it less and less each day. i appreciate your thoughts:)