relationship advice

[Teddy_Roland]

Im with my partner for 10 years, she is the mother of both our kids, She refuses to have sex with me, or any contact at all, we have a 1 year old as we wanted a brother for our first, so sex wise we had once to make baby and then 3 years before that, the no sex im getting used to as she is not attractive to me but the fighting is every other day, how lazy I am (I work 10 hours a day and pay for everything), how discusting I look (people say Im quite handsome) I very mentally strong so this verbal abuse I can live with, on occasions I get spit at, kicked, thrown things at, the usual  stuff. My older kid not crys when the fighting starts and the baby, I dont fight back but she goes nuts defo some anger issues

The reason Im not gone is I love my kids and hoping it gets better,

Any advice on a simular situation would be great

[Jinx_777]

it is not about how 'strong' you are and how well you take the abuse.  It is about being a good father and getting your kids out of that environment.  I feel so sad for your children.  do not even consider another relationship or whether the 'grass is greener'... you just need bare land to build a good childhood for your kids.  that is your responsibility... to make sure your kids have a good childhood and putting up with abuse is not the way to do it.
sounds like she has fallen out of love and is just tolerating (not very well) being in the relationship.  take the first step and leave.   just know that when you finally do take that first step, she may try and make you stay. It is just a game.  get out.

[EMOTIONALx2]

Is the grass greener no but anything is better than what your going through. Your not leaving cause you want to cause its clear that you may still love or at least you hink you do. I've been there being with someone (12 yrs) who your content with and not really happy. I was forced out because the person lost their mind, got an order of protection, and kicked me out my house. Your in a stable position to leave her and afford your own as for having the two jobs. Ask yourself if you leave will she be able to afford the mortgage  and take care of those kids, the best thing for you and the kids get out while you can. Seek counseling for her and if she refuses a plan would be nice. Press charges. It can get pretty ugly and you have to be willing to fight for what you want. Also you can always move on and see how she really feels. But as long as you take the bull, play dead and roll over she will continue to abuse you. Good luck

[AnnieBrooke]

I don't understand why you are so sure she would get the kids.  In most places, the father would be able to take the child if the mother is shown to be abusive.  I would not be happy to leave the kids with someone who is so emotionally abusive.

[Londres70]

Is the grass greener?  

Is it not about the grass being "greener" but the fact you are living in abuse and need to find a way out.  

[Teddy_Roland]

I think my biggest fear moving on, I have no problem leaving her as she has hurt me so much mentally over the past 5/6 years, she has told me on many occasions she will never have sex with me as she thinks im discusting! Then she will calm down and say "u love me u would never leave me". I have asked at least 100 times for sex and she makes a vomiting face and laughs,

Think is I can move out and afford some small appartment 1000 meters from my own appartment so I can see kids like normal it as thats the most important thing! She is on materanity leave for another 2 years so I will have to pay mortgage on my place which she will live in with kids and then the place I will rent, it can be done just but thats why i have 2 jobs

I think about leaving her and I feel something nice, I just hope I have the balls to do it as life must be better then getting put down like a dog 24/7!

Is the grass really greener?

[Life360_Dave]

Hi also, i feel this is a very common situation and happens over a period of time. People need power and she is using you to attain this. The reason she continues to do this is that it gets a reaction from you. Instead of fulling her life and using her talents to bring out her creative side she has confused you with her.
She is frustrated with her own life and is taking it out on you. You need to even the playing ground by not reacting to this and maybe try to open her eyes to what she is doing. You need to bounce back to her the words and sayings like "what have you done to change the world lately" can be quite effective.

[Londres70]

Agree with the above posters.  

You and your children shouldn't be exposed to someone verbally abusive.  She needs to seek professional help for her issues

This won't get better if she doesn't get help for herself.

[Vance2335]

You should not put of with the physcial and mental abuse. No matter how mentally strong you are no one deserves this. You need someone who will treat you right and satisfy you.

[AnnieBrooke]

I'd make legal plans to take the kids and go.  She does sound like she has anger issues, and it cannot be only you who is taking the brunt, they are also learning (by seeing you putting up with things as they are) that it's OK to be yelled at by someone who is supposed to love you.  See an attorney and get all your ducks in a row so you can legally get custody.