Aa
what do I do?
I recently found out I am pregnant about a week and a half ago, not the best timing, but it happened. There is nothing I can do now. My boyfriend used to be really supportive and very sweet. He was great, though he has been acting weird ever since we found out about our little one on the way. We're both in college and nervous about it. Though he's really pulled back a lot and doesn't talk to me much. I'm scared and want him there for support. He said he won't leave me, but he's not talking much with me right now at all. What is going on with him? I've asked him about why he's been so distant, but he didn't say anything. What do I do now? I don't want to lose him and I want my boyfriend back.
I had never thought of my boyfriend as one to run away from responsibility or problems, but maybe he is now. We talked a little last night and he said he wanted a little space to think. I don't know what he means by that and it worries me. I have a small network of support, through my cousin, aunt and uncle, and a few friends. My parents still aren't real happy about this. Though my dad is kinda coming around, he loves kids and this would be the first grandbaby. I babysat a neighbor's toddler all day and I know I don't want to be a single mom. I couldn't do it. I would love to have my boyfriend back. I just don't get what is going on in his head. He's never been like this before, even through hard times I've been through last year with major surgery and the long recovery period. He has tomorrow off of work, so we'll both go to my parent's house. He sent a random text today saying "I love you" and then I responded and asked a question about tomorrow, but he didn't answer back. I'm going to call him tonight after he gets off work, or maybe drive down there.
The issue here is the father is being cold and distant and she's left to figure out what she's going to do. Sam it would be different if he wanted to be there and she was doing whatever she wanted without cares for how he felt. But in this situation, he's providing no emotional support. They are both scared here and I'm sure that is why he is pulling away. Some people (not only men), have issues with life changing events and don't know how to deal with it. Sit him down and talk with him about what he expects for the future. You don't need to rush to the alter but you want to make sure that he will be there for this child. Good luck.
I think you are rude serious sam and I think you are trying to dump your experience on other people, it doesn' seem to apply here.....
anonymous : It's possible he's having a tough time digesting the information and needs some time to think about it, everybody has their own way of dealing with things. It does sound like he may be running away with his problems. My first thought is that he said all that stuff about marriage and stuff if you got pregnant to keep you around, most women wont stay in a relationship if there isn't a future although a lot of young men do like the idea of sex with no attachments, maybe once the baby came along that ruined his fun....Or maybe it scared him to think it came way earlier than he was expecting.
I like to assume the worst because I would rather be pleasantly surprised than disappointed, with that being said, I would call him (and leave a message if he refuses to answer) that if he is unwilling to be a part of the pregnancy/birth process then you will decide what will be done with the baby on your own, which may include adoption. Then you have 9 months to see if he comes around and if you are ready for it. You can always do an open adoption where they can find you later on if they choose that way you aren't cut completely from the baby, or you can do closed adoption and close that part of your life to make it easier to move on. Either way is good. Think about yours and the babies future and do what you think is best, there are plenty of people out their who struggle with fertility and would love to adopt one.
I hope he comes around for you! In the meantime find a group of people who will support you because you'll need support through this :)
We're here too, their is a pregnancy forum full of supportive women! :)
anonymous : It's possible he's having a tough time digesting the information and needs some time to think about it, everybody has their own way of dealing with things. It does sound like he may be running away with his problems. My first thought is that he said all that stuff about marriage and stuff if you got pregnant to keep you around, most women wont stay in a relationship if there isn't a future although a lot of young men do like the idea of sex with no attachments, maybe once the baby came along that ruined his fun....Or maybe it scared him to think it came way earlier than he was expecting.
I like to assume the worst because I would rather be pleasantly surprised than disappointed, with that being said, I would call him (and leave a message if he refuses to answer) that if he is unwilling to be a part of the pregnancy/birth process then you will decide what will be done with the baby on your own, which may include adoption. Then you have 9 months to see if he comes around and if you are ready for it. You can always do an open adoption where they can find you later on if they choose that way you aren't cut completely from the baby, or you can do closed adoption and close that part of your life to make it easier to move on. Either way is good. Think about yours and the babies future and do what you think is best, there are plenty of people out their who struggle with fertility and would love to adopt one.
I hope he comes around for you! In the meantime find a group of people who will support you because you'll need support through this :)
We're here too, their is a pregnancy forum full of supportive women! :)
Well she knows my boyfriend isn't around. He isn't helping out much right now, when I could use his support. I'm not even far along, and already have some difficult symptoms. I've felt sick, the thought of some food makes me want to hurl, and I have added stress from my family. I could use some help! He's "busy" at work, though he had never been before. We always made time for each other. I said I'd look into adoption, if I think it's best. If he can't step up, and I don't know if I can do it alone, then yea, I would absolutely go for adoption. My cousin is adopted and I think it's great. It's an option I'll consider. I want the best for my baby, no matter what. My baby deserves a good family. That can happen with my boyfriend and I if he stops acting like this. ugh, I'm too emotional. He needs to answer his phone.
The baby isn't even born, you don't really know much about dad and your suggesting she try arranging an adoption totally cutting dad out of his kids life?
You are right it is not about gender and you do give good advice on a lot of things but your "deal breakers" should never affect the children only the parents and you don't necessarily give the same advice when the perpetrator of your unforgivable offenses are reversed.
The honest truth is that many things like infidelity are secondary indicators of other problems most of which could be fixed.
WHat is going on now is a matter of faith, doubt and trust. She just needs to separate the doubts in his faith and concentrate on keeping a minimal amount at least interaction with the boyfriend. Trust can be rebuilt but I saw something similar not to long ago where a girl quit getting her shot because she felt if made her swell up too much.
Want to take guesses on how big she had swollen to after nine months?
You are right it is not about gender and you do give good advice on a lot of things but your "deal breakers" should never affect the children only the parents and you don't necessarily give the same advice when the perpetrator of your unforgivable offenses are reversed.
The honest truth is that many things like infidelity are secondary indicators of other problems most of which could be fixed.
WHat is going on now is a matter of faith, doubt and trust. She just needs to separate the doubts in his faith and concentrate on keeping a minimal amount at least interaction with the boyfriend. Trust can be rebuilt but I saw something similar not to long ago where a girl quit getting her shot because she felt if made her swell up too much.
Want to take guesses on how big she had swollen to after nine months?
My boyfriend knows me better than that. lol. We've been together long enough. We had plans for what our future would be. I wouldn't purposely get myself pregnant right now. I broke down crying when I saw the positive pregnancy tests. I knew my parents would be pissed off at me, and they have been really upset. It's added stress to the family, that my parents don't need. I don't want the stress either. I have a lot going for me, well had a lot going for me. I basically had an in for physical therapy school, but everything has been put on hold. I'm still going to go for my career, but it'll just take longer now. Have to change some plans and make this all work.
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