what does this mean

[grandmabeal7]

my Daughter and I have had are ups and downs, She shows she doesn't like me, but one thing she will  not have eye to eye connection with me. Why?

[grandmabeal7]

have been doing this will keep trying.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, I feel for you.  It does sound complicated.  Your daughter has lived a bit of a messy life it sounds and has herself made some awful choices in men.  She probably is aware of this and feels judged for some reason.  She also may be looking for someone to internally blame for the situations she's gotten in and chooses you.

Now, there probably is some truth that you've judged her a bit or noticed the rotten choices she's made (who wouldn't have).  But unless you made it clear to her that you see her messy life and know better than her----  she's just projecting onto you her own bad feelings.  

Now, you've got grandkids.  (well, at least one???).  Call your grandson and start seeing him and your great grandbaby.  Start doing things for the grandkids.  I really think that it would be ridiculous for anyone to reject to that.  We don't have grandparents in my kids life because the grandmother's have past away, one grandfather is ancient and the other is just not interested--------  I'd kill to have a loving person to shower my kids with affection and love.  

Invite her to your place!  Send her cards.  When you get a minute alone tell her how happy you are to see her and you love her.  Tell her you're sorry if you've ever overstepped your bounds (just say it whether you really believe you did or not), etc.  Be open, friendly and invite her.  Try to do all the things for her that you wish she did for you.  She may come around.  Ask to have the grandkids over so she and her hubby can go out (since you mentioned some little ones).  Try that approach.  good luck

[grandmabeal7]

she is 41(divc and remarried, 2 children from first husband 18,15yrs  5,3 yrs, 2 children from second. 1st husband is a manic depressed person. second husband is paranoid)  her oldest son she kick out of the house, over going to a family outing with his girlfriend. she did the same thing when she was a senior and I did not kick her out.. I have helped her with everything she has done in life, even loaning money for the divorce, only having her pay back one of the 3 loans. Her son did get his girlfriend pg. last part of his senior yr. the  baby is now 9month, and he is going in 2nd year of collage. his girl friend finished school and is now going to be a hair dresser.  My did didn't see the her grand daughter for the first wk of life because she said her son made a wrong choice. " I said she was to hard on him" she told me off. her second child is a girl and we get along wonderful, but my daughter says I tell her thing I should not. which I never have done and found out my grand daughter says thing to her mother to make drama. her new husband does not get along with neighbors or his on family. I once told her he is not the same person he was when she first married him.. she got angry at what I said, but her only two children say the same thing.. he once call us "her     f---ing family" to our faces.  we have to make appointment to see the other two grandchildren.. and since we leave in fl and drive here to mi for the summer, she never calls to invite us over, and when we do get to come over they eat dinner in front of us not asking us to join. one her husband brought  in pizza and said it was for the kid, this was one m grandson graduated from high school, so my husband and I left and got something out. when we got to the graduation, when we got there she said there was pizza for you. she never call, she sent me a mother day card you can tell was to go to her mother in law, never called for that or my birthday, I call and leave message on her phone, but she never returns them even the txts. lots more goes on  with other 2 boys 5 and 3 yrs. but this long enough              

[Nighthawk61]

I agree that it's important to know the entire history before being able to help more fully. I know my son went through a stage where he wouldn't look me in he eye and I told him very gently that I needed us to have eye contact when we talked together, that he was the most important person in my life, and and it made me feel sad when he didn't look at me while speaking. It's best I think to always speak up and talk about communications styles with our children. If you think that your child doesn't like you, have you tried to talk about why there is a gulf between you? If you want to have a better relationship with your child, and why wouldn't we right? then tell them that you want to work on your relationship, otherwise they may feel it's not important enough a relationship for you to want to build upon it. Good luck. Kid's are sometimes tricky, but they're always our kids, and they always need us to care enough to work things out with them. Don't give up on the relationship. We're here for you to talk about the baby steps.

[BluCrystal]

How old is your daughter?  Is she employed, married, have children, going to school?  All of this could be contributing factors, as well as how you got along with her as she grows up.  Blessings - Blu

[Life360_Dave]

Hi and welcome. Sounds like you maybe too harsh with her and critisize her opinions and the no eye contact is a sign that she is not comfortable saying things to you. We as adults have learned from trial and error and are pretty confident that what we say is correct. Younger people do have opinions that have  been generated from others areas and sometimes just say stupid things just to show that they have an opinion.
People of all ages need reinforcement that they have value and one way value is sought is by giving an opinions.
Instead of saying she is wrong, add to her opinion that includes what she said. Its like your a team figuring things out.
Its important that she can turn to  you for advise but equally important that  you value her opinion simply for the fact that she is confiding in you. Be her best friend!

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  She shows she doesn't like you but will not have eye to eye contact with you.  Trying to figure out if you wrote that wrong.

My son has some nervous system issues and eye to eye contact is hard for him.  It also can be a situation when something is very intimidating to someone.  

How old is your daughter and what is the history of why you don't get along well?  When did it start and what was the initial cause?