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Advice on Husbands sex drive
A few weeks ago I posted reguarding my husband going from ALWAYS wanting to have sex to Never. To make a long story short He was a very sexual man, always grabbing, groping, wanting sex. Awhile back (several weeks) he just changed, it was not gradual at all, in the past 6 weeks we have had sex 2 times, both times great for me but the last time he didnt finish which is not like him at all. He works out of town mon-fri never in the same area so every weekend when we would see each other we would be all over one another, during the week when he was gone we would text naughty things and pictures to each other. We have been together for almost 8 yrs. Anyway I dont know what to feel, I have talked to him about it and he blows up, says things like "is that all that matters to you is sex" etc. No its not but just dont understand why the sudden change. I am approaching 34 and he is 36. I am very open minded and very sexual and have always had great sex. For awhile I was on the pill and i had no drive, Husband wanted me to get off of it so i did and now told me to go back on it so I dont bother him so much with sex. Isnt this weird??? I have a lot of male friends and they cant believe it, most men complain about married life and the lack of sex and mine is complaining just the opposit. This past week I have been dreaming about other men, I do not like this and it scares me. This is wrong and i feel very guilty, but i cant help what I dream. He is coming home tonight and I plan on talking to him about these dreams and telling him i dont know what they mean if anything but i shouldnt be dreaming about other men i have dated or been with, i should be dreaming about him. Any advice PLEASE to help me with my talk with him tonight. Am I over reacting? thanks
I habe gone through all the messages addressing to your problems. I would go in another dimension of the problem. I e about sexual side of the situation.
with bipolar or without man can lose his libido for sometime without any known reason.You may try the following techniqe to boost the sexual energy of your husband and your self.This is base on Acupressure.
The book is "Acupuncture without needles. by J .V. Cerney page no.200 tp 2011.Parkar pubbblishing company. If the book is not available please write to me I will type out the essential point of the technique.I tis meant for man and women.If both of you do this exercise to each other it will be great.Chapter title is "The care Of Sex Organs For A More dynamic Sex Life. This will add zest to your sex life as well as general home environment.
with bipolar or without man can lose his libido for sometime without any known reason.You may try the following techniqe to boost the sexual energy of your husband and your self.This is base on Acupressure.
The book is "Acupuncture without needles. by J .V. Cerney page no.200 tp 2011.Parkar pubbblishing company. If the book is not available please write to me I will type out the essential point of the technique.I tis meant for man and women.If both of you do this exercise to each other it will be great.Chapter title is "The care Of Sex Organs For A More dynamic Sex Life. This will add zest to your sex life as well as general home environment.
went to his last Dr. appointment because I do believe his meds needs to be tweaked and his Dr. didnt think so. He had to switch Dr. about a year ago from the Dr who he was use to seeing and diagnosed him 8 years ago, insurances changed. Anyway he is not comfortable with this new guy and I dont like him at all.
Oh ho! @ SeriousSam and catie. I sense we have a t.it for tat game at play here now. :P
@ dunappy- think his meds need to be tweaked some?
@ dunappy- think his meds need to be tweaked some?
Can you clue me in on your native language and just write in it? Trust me I am fair at getting translations or any other information I need.
I have 2 daughters 10, 12 from my first marrage and he has a 14 yr old daughter from his first marrage. He has been on meds for bi polar for 8 years now and seeing a DR. regualarlly for it. Bi Polar and meds may affect some people but they never afftected him in the past. I am just glad I talked to him and he listened because things are going very well. Thanks everyone. dunappy
I'm glad you found out he isn't cheating and hope you two will be ablr to grow old together!
do you have kids? bipolar is usually genetic.
I do believe sometimes it is also associated with sex dysfunction isn't it?
I do believe sometimes it is also associated with sex dysfunction isn't it?
Thank you mentat non compos! You have revealed the great male conspiacy of secrets.
Actually we "min" have no secrets as a rule and you will go nuts if you try to figuring them out - That is the normal secret. "duh"
Actually we "min" have no secrets as a rule and you will go nuts if you try to figuring them out - That is the normal secret. "duh"
* hugs* Happy you guys opened up a good line of communication and he was understanding that you only have his best interests at heart when you ask him things.
Bonus on the rockin' sex there after *smiles*
Bonus on the rockin' sex there after *smiles*
ok, we had a very good talk last night. He didnt blow up and listened to what I had to say and my concerns. He is very stressed out at work but he is working at the same place for 14 years and didnt understand why its so different now. He says working out of town all the time is wearing on him and he really would like to find a different job so he can be home more. He makes very good money at his job and where we live their just isnt any good paying jobs. So we talked about selling out famr and moving closer to a place where job markets are better. He says he just dont feel good about himself and he dont know why. I guess we need to continue to talk and let each other know what is bothering us without the other one getting defensive. We had great sex last night and he text me today saying how he loved it. So guess we keep marching on and hopefully things will strighten out. thanks
I only read your post, so sorry if I repeat anything others have said.
Has he had a dr visit recently to your knowledge, since he tapered off wanting sex?
He may have found out something and doesn't want to share it with you, and thats why he doesn't feel like sexing you up lately. And NO, I don't mean (std) but who knows?
I mean, heart illness life threatening whatever? Is he in good health?
Is his job stressful?
I know when I feel depressed I don't want to have sex at all, I just don't want to, I don't mind being held, but actual sex then, seems like it causes me anxiety :\
So what did he tell you off your talk with him? Anything helpful or did he blow up at you again for mentioning it? Can you talk to his dr? or best friend and see whats happening?
Has he had a dr visit recently to your knowledge, since he tapered off wanting sex?
He may have found out something and doesn't want to share it with you, and thats why he doesn't feel like sexing you up lately. And NO, I don't mean (std) but who knows?
I mean, heart illness life threatening whatever? Is he in good health?
Is his job stressful?
I know when I feel depressed I don't want to have sex at all, I just don't want to, I don't mind being held, but actual sex then, seems like it causes me anxiety :\
So what did he tell you off your talk with him? Anything helpful or did he blow up at you again for mentioning it? Can you talk to his dr? or best friend and see whats happening?
Bipolar is very difficult. My wife and I were friends with a girl whose husband is Bipolar. They both gave birth to our respective sons within a day of each other and we got to know them that way.
Well, from what she said, he would be the perfect gentleman whenever we were around - but in fron of HIS friends he would cure and cuss at her - call her a **** and a *****. RIGHT in front of his friends!
When my wife found out that he threw clothes iron towards her, she called the Air Force base commander (where he worked) and turned him in - since his wife wouldn't. I mean - if that clothes iron had hit her or their baby, it could have killed them instead of just leaving a hole in the wall.
He went to mental health which is when he was found to be Bipolar. He was prescribed meds and the difference was night and day.
Unfortunately he prefers NOT to take his medications and so he doesn't and returns to his same old ways. I am worried that some day his illness might result in the death of some Air Force pilot whose aircraft he might have worked on. But the have since moved back west, to an Air force base in California. And, as bad as theoir marriage is, they have continued having children. EVEN when the OB/GYN doctor has said the "next child will kill you" (due to a condition she has). Their marriage is so out of kilter.
But I really am dumbfounded - as is everyone else here. He sounds like a great guy (even being Bipolar). But something suddently happened that changed everything.
He could have had a one-night-stand or a visit to a "sex-worker" which could cause HUGE, MASSIVE guilt on his part. That would suddenly change things. He could have, over the years, had some sort of change in his brain's bio-chemistry. Is he like that other husband I mentioned above - like Jekyl and Hyde depending on whether or not he takes any Bipolar medications? And yeah - it could even be perfrormance anxiety.
It could also be any other kind of anxiety or depression. I can speak from experience (as can many others here) - depression and anxiety can do very bad things to your health and mental state. It could be anxiety and depression over being away so much from home. I almost took a job like that myself - but the owner, after getting to know me and seeing the concern in me about being gone most of the time (for a month or more straight in another state) withdrew his offer for my own good. He was pretty sure I would have hated it. (Which, I probably would have.) Is your husband happy with his job? Is he worried about the economic down-turn - that he might lose his job? Or is that not the issue but perhaps that his job really ***** and is draining all the life from him (like my last job did)?
Do discuss things with him - but I wouldn't mention your dreams. That won't help the situation at all, I don't think. Just ask him what has happened. Why the change from the way things used to be. Tell him you are concerned for him and just want him to be open and honest. But be prepared for any possible "worst-case" scenario. If your attitude is one of sympathy for him and not argumentation, that would greatly help him to be open to you.
Well, from what she said, he would be the perfect gentleman whenever we were around - but in fron of HIS friends he would cure and cuss at her - call her a **** and a *****. RIGHT in front of his friends!
When my wife found out that he threw clothes iron towards her, she called the Air Force base commander (where he worked) and turned him in - since his wife wouldn't. I mean - if that clothes iron had hit her or their baby, it could have killed them instead of just leaving a hole in the wall.
He went to mental health which is when he was found to be Bipolar. He was prescribed meds and the difference was night and day.
Unfortunately he prefers NOT to take his medications and so he doesn't and returns to his same old ways. I am worried that some day his illness might result in the death of some Air Force pilot whose aircraft he might have worked on. But the have since moved back west, to an Air force base in California. And, as bad as theoir marriage is, they have continued having children. EVEN when the OB/GYN doctor has said the "next child will kill you" (due to a condition she has). Their marriage is so out of kilter.
But I really am dumbfounded - as is everyone else here. He sounds like a great guy (even being Bipolar). But something suddently happened that changed everything.
He could have had a one-night-stand or a visit to a "sex-worker" which could cause HUGE, MASSIVE guilt on his part. That would suddenly change things. He could have, over the years, had some sort of change in his brain's bio-chemistry. Is he like that other husband I mentioned above - like Jekyl and Hyde depending on whether or not he takes any Bipolar medications? And yeah - it could even be perfrormance anxiety.
It could also be any other kind of anxiety or depression. I can speak from experience (as can many others here) - depression and anxiety can do very bad things to your health and mental state. It could be anxiety and depression over being away so much from home. I almost took a job like that myself - but the owner, after getting to know me and seeing the concern in me about being gone most of the time (for a month or more straight in another state) withdrew his offer for my own good. He was pretty sure I would have hated it. (Which, I probably would have.) Is your husband happy with his job? Is he worried about the economic down-turn - that he might lose his job? Or is that not the issue but perhaps that his job really ***** and is draining all the life from him (like my last job did)?
Do discuss things with him - but I wouldn't mention your dreams. That won't help the situation at all, I don't think. Just ask him what has happened. Why the change from the way things used to be. Tell him you are concerned for him and just want him to be open and honest. But be prepared for any possible "worst-case" scenario. If your attitude is one of sympathy for him and not argumentation, that would greatly help him to be open to you.
actually he is bi polar but has been on same meds for 8 yrs now and see his Dr reguallerly. he is home now and we had a good talk, hes in the shower so i will write more in the morning but i dont think he is cheating on me, i really dont. And I am not one of those girls in denile. I am leaning towards not being attracted to me or falling out of love or some medical issues. post more tomorrow.
Has he started any new medication that may be affecting him sexually?
Do you think he could be depressed?
Do you think he could be depressed?
Sam, no one knows if he is cheating or it is medical. Only her husband can tell her what the problem is. We are only guessing so to come on here and verbally bash all the women who are attempting to give the best advice they know how, is completely and utterly rude. She doesn't have to listen, she can do what she feels is right. You obviously have some issues towards women given some of your responses to people.
Is this thing where women jump to the conclusion a glimpse into how you guys would act? Look up the most common signs to identify a cheating spouse!
I would be more suspicious if he was buying you gifts, acting nicer and trying new stuff.
If your going to accuse him he will have more problems, suspect you of cheating because he KNOWS what his problem is but you think he is cheating because.... OBVIOUSLY YOU MUST BE CHEATING!!! Or that is what he is going to think...
Do you guys (women) follow your own advise? Some of the advise a few of you guys give is consistantly worse than anything published in cosmo.
I would be more suspicious if he was buying you gifts, acting nicer and trying new stuff.
If your going to accuse him he will have more problems, suspect you of cheating because he KNOWS what his problem is but you think he is cheating because.... OBVIOUSLY YOU MUST BE CHEATING!!! Or that is what he is going to think...
Do you guys (women) follow your own advise? Some of the advise a few of you guys give is consistantly worse than anything published in cosmo.
Personally to me it sounds like sexual dysfunction. Irritation denial shame..
Seems fairly straight forward.
Fantasies in your dreams are normal when your unhappy satisfied don't worry aboutit.
Seems fairly straight forward.
Fantasies in your dreams are normal when your unhappy satisfied don't worry aboutit.
It's odd, especially that he doesn't want to talk about or "blows up" when you mention it.
If your relationship is strong, he'll understand when you tell him how important it is that you discuss it.
If your relationship is strong, he'll understand when you tell him how important it is that you discuss it.
I don't think it is a medical thing if it all of a sudden stopped. Perhaps he feels guilty for something and thinks of it while getting intimate. I don't think he will openly admit to it if he gets defensive. Perhaps wait it out a little longer and see if things change. I wish I knew what to tell you.
The 2 times we have had sex in the past 6 weeks he accepting anything I was willing to do and seemed to be "into" it and enjoying it, he came the first time but not te second time. He is just "different" he would always call or text telling me how horny he was, or If I said I was horny he would get home as fast as he could. He has always been the kind of man that wants to please me before himself and very good at doing so. But there have been MANY times I would give him a ** while in the car or somewhere he would least expect it, or just have a quicky to get him to *** and not worry about myself. Its hard typing all this am IM doing the best I can. I have noone to talk to about this as I dont want friends and family thinking he is "weird". Our sex life was not the same old thing everytime, we try new things and sometimes he is the dominate one and vise versa. The best way to describe this is like what most men complain about their wives are like after getting married. But this didnt gradually slow down, it went from 3 times a week to 2 times in 6 weeks like that.
The sex worker thing is a big conclusion to come to. It's not unlikely, but their are other things that could be happening.
He's having issues that keep his mind from focusing on sex
He's found a flaw in you that he can't get over. (could be physical, or even something he's found out about you that bothers him)
He's having performance issues, it can happen even after 8 years
These and many other things could have been slowly working away at him for a while, then all the sudden he can't put them out of his mind anymore.
Will he accept oral or a hand job or something that will just focus on him and perhaps jumpstart his drive again?
He's having issues that keep his mind from focusing on sex
He's found a flaw in you that he can't get over. (could be physical, or even something he's found out about you that bothers him)
He's having performance issues, it can happen even after 8 years
These and many other things could have been slowly working away at him for a while, then all the sudden he can't put them out of his mind anymore.
Will he accept oral or a hand job or something that will just focus on him and perhaps jumpstart his drive again?
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