yes or no?

[nene06]

K hear is ma story ma partner and I have been together since I wz n middle school I am now 21 years old 22 nxt month which makes that 8 years 4 us long tyme I know we have 1 child and possibly a second on the way....however we have not yet taken our relationship to the next level which would be marriage. He has asked me and wants us 2 get married I keep saying no because he is not employed at the moment I know ur probably thinkin okay what's the bd? Well I'm not after money if that's what ur thinking however I expect for ma husband 2 give n this relationship not juss love but financially 2 I wanna know ma husband is able to take care of me n ma children I work n dnt wanna b tha sole provider n this relationship all ma lyfe, ma fam says I shudnt do it till he has a job. He hasn't worked n a lil ova a yr n has been looking and nothing has come thru I am keeping all my faith in god that he would provide us with a miricle but now @ tha same tyme dnt wanna keep letting that hold us back but scared 2 go thru with it @ tha same tyme soo confused....n e thoughts b truthful plz!!!

[Judy246]

That' ok mami, you wrote your opinion and that is what counts...hugs Judy

[mami1323]

Ha, I wrote without seeing that iambutterfly basically wrote the exact same thing.  That's what happens when you don't read the comments...lol.

[mami1323]

Here's the thing, what's the difference if you marry him now?  You share a child together which is an even bigger commitment.  So either way he's got to provide for you and your child financially.  The only thing is, marriage is a legal binding agreement.  So you can't just walk away.  I do agree you both should be financially stable but marriage doesn't guarantee that either.  You could both have wonderful jobs and than one of you loses your job and the other one has to pick up the slack.  That's what you do for each other, through better or worse.  I guess not being married you don't have to do it.  I just think after 8 years, him not being employed isn't a good reason not to marry him.

[Judy246]

You started backwards...its should have been relationship, marriage (w/jobs) and then family, but let's be realistic, this has become more of the norm than tradition. I think you family is right that unless he has the financial means to support you and both your children, do not get married only to have more problems in the relationship. He is to first get a stable job, become financially stable first, before taking the relationship to the next step. So, my answer is do not marry him, until he is financially stable and able to provide for the family and household or you will be back to square one.

* No churchy chat from me :)
* I don't agree that you will denying your b/f right to the children. You just want b/f
  to be able to financially support you all as a family if you get married...I understand.

[SeriousSam]

I think perhaps by having kids together you have taken it to the next level!  All you are doing now is saying he's not good enough to be the father and potentially denying him rights as a father, particularly since you guys are acting like a married couple in other ways.

If you have a job make him the new babysitter while he is job hunting!

[iam1butterfly]

Well, you have good reason to be concerned about finances. And, I can understand
why your family wouldn't want you to marry someone who's unemployed.
But, I don't understand why you're having children with him now, if he can't afford to support a family. Anyway, since you've been together for so long; and if he's trying to find a job; and, if he treats you and your child right... why not marry him?
Lots of couples get married with little or no money... always with the hope that together, things will get better.
Will you stay with him if you don't get married? If the answer is, yes... go ahead and marry him.